The beautiful young woman sauntered slowly as she went across the restaurant's main dining areai so that she could give all of the men a good opportunity to appreciate her gorgeous face and perfect body
You used no commas in your sentence, ad Is that an "i" after dining area? The first thing I see is that three verbs, and one adverb that all mean the same thing, are being used for the way she walked. Sauntered means to walk slowly, and the sentence uses both sauntered, and slowly, plus sauntered, and walked It should say “she sauntered”, or “she walked slowly”, but not all three (sauntered, slowly, walked) Another error is that since you used sauntered there was no need to add “went across” A lot of redundant words.
She was already described as beautiful at the beginning of the sentence, all the other times are also redundant
All you need to say is “The beautiful young woman sauntered across the restaurant's main dining area to give the men an opportunity to appreciate her beauty.”
Or “The young woman sauntered across the restaurant's main dining area to give the men an opportunity to appreciate her gorgeous face and perfect body.”
Mara has beat me to the perfect reply. I agree with her 100%. I noted the same errors. Would have offered the same suggestions. I'm curious as to why you ask this question TT2. Did you just feel like giving your fellow writers a Pop quiz to keep us off the streets? That's a good thing. (Keeps us out of trouble!) Peace, Paula
Your question has been correctly answered in technical detail, but if you are seeking a more in-depth response the biggest problem is the danger the young woman puts herself and/or others in by behaving in that manner.