Assess this for me, please. It's one of my poems.
What if the Birds
1. What if the Owl could grin,
the Swallow grunt and the Pelican have a chin?
The Hawk shower and Egret mount a watch-tower
and the Seagull act as though it was a Sunflower?
2. What if the Ostrich could learn to fly
and the Parrot teach the Griffin how to cry?
What if the Osprey could make your ears tingle,
and the Kite and Chicken learn to mingle?
3. What if the Vulture could stop eating carrion,
and chase little animals like the Falcon?
And the Goldfinch fly higher than the Eagle,
and the Buzzard sing something terrible?
4. Who knows what would have happened
had the Peacock learnt to be maddened
by the fact that it could never fly
and worst of all, not knowing the reason why?
5. They exist, one and all;
each finding its place, its duty, its call.
Why can't we learn to live in harmony and peace -
each in our own place, pursuing beauty, pursuing eternal
What a lovely thought! I wouldn't change a word but I would turn it into a hub, if you haven't already. It's very nice.
wonderful poem. You have played your words excellently. Hub it.
I have already hubbed it but the responses and comments are a bit slow in coming so I thought to bring it here. Thanks guys!
what a beautiful piece of work. Full of thought, feelings and imagery. A piece to be proud of - I would be! definately Hub it.
I see you have created the hub. But your hub may get flagged as a duplicate content since you have posted it in xomba also.
I didn't know. I joined xomba before coming to hubpages and a few of my works are duplicated but I decided to forget about Xomba and focus on Hubpages and Triond. I no longer duplicate my works.
hmm grr, I am going to have to find where people keep the list of emoticons that work here.
smiley:) smiley=) smiley:| smiley=| smiley:( smiley=( smiley:D smiley=D smiley:o smiley:O smiley;) smiley:/ smiley:P smiley:lol: smiley:mad: smiley:rolleyes: smiley:cool:
When you post a comment in forum click formatting lying just beside the submit, preview and add photo option under the comment box. At the bottom there are similes.
minakay - the sentiment is beautiful. If you're looking for critical assay, needs just a little tweaking on meter.
1. "What if the owl could manage a grin" fits the meter you have in the second line.
4. "By the fact that it couldn't fly
worst of all not knowing why" - follows the meter of the first two lines in this stanza.
Just little things like that. I'm not sure if you wanted that type of assessment or just a thumbs up or down. By the look on your face in your avatar, I'd say you have already achieved the sentiment in this poem.
I don't normally get poetry but something about that I really liked.
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