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Beware - Danger is lurking in your backyard

Updated on May 20, 2011


I am sitting in the closet as I write this. I only hope to get the warning out to everybody else before it is too late for them. I don’t have much time. I fear my last few minutes of life are coming to an end. I just hope my experience will help you be better prepared. I was not. I only wish someone else out there would have warned me.

I know when my death hits the news stands, it will be a cover up. So don’t listen to the media. This is the truth. I want you to know what really happened. Yet, the government will try to hide this to avoid the outbreak and the riots. They will try to make you believe what happened to me was an accident. They don’t want you to know the truth.

Everybody is so afraid of the zombie apocalypse, yet, I have found something far more dangerous than any zombie I have ever encountered. The danger is lurking right in your backyard! If you are not prepared for this danger, you might find yourself in the same position I am in right now.

As I sit here, the only light coming from my laptop, I wonder if I will be able to use the entire 1 hour and 50 minutes before my laptop battery finally dies. That is when my connection to the world will be cut off. That is, if I even make it that far. I can hear the sounds of feet stampeding around in the lower level of my house. They are scavenging and they are plotting the end of my life. My husband is already gone. They got to him first. You see, he didn’t heed the warnings. I will be next. I wasn’t careful enough. I wasn’t fully prepared. I hope you are.

A couple of weeks ago, I came across this book. It told me all the information I needed to prevent this attack. Yet, I laughed at it. I thought it was a farce. A joke. Something that would never happen to me. I know now I was wrong. I didn’t believe them, and here I am, in the middle of an attack. I am using the last moments of my life to warn you. I only hope that I can finish.

Check your surroundings

Look around at where you live... is there plenty of hiding spots for a potential attacker? This will put you at risk. Do I advise that you move? No, but I do advise that you become prepared!
Look around at where you live... is there plenty of hiding spots for a potential attacker? This will put you at risk. Do I advise that you move? No, but I do advise that you become prepared! | Source

Be watchful for the footprints

I didn't think much of the footprints. Maybe you will!
I didn't think much of the footprints. Maybe you will! | Source


I want you to be prepared. So I want you to carefully look around and assess your situation. This is not to be ignored. It might save your life. I did not do this and look were I am right now. Sitting in a closet hoping I can type this warning up fast enough to warn you.

Look at your surroundings! I am going to throw out a few factors that will up your risk levels.

  • You live in a suburban or rural house.
  • Your house sits on a secluded, wooded acreage.
  • You live alone.
  • You follow a strict routine, making it easy to predict your comings and goings.

These factors will easily set you up for attack. If you fit two or more of these factors, you are “high risk” and you will need to take action now. I would tell you to stop everything you are doing so you can go out and get supplies and prepare to defend yourself, but I am going to insist you finish reading this. Maybe it can save you; I know it is too late for me.

Other things you need to be aware of is suspicious activity. Have you noticed footprints in the flowerbeds outside your house? Do you seem to lose stuff easily? Maybe you didn’t, maybe it has been moved. Do you having this feeling you are being watched? Do you have animals and suddenly their behavior is a little on the crazy side? If you have noticed this stuff around your house… your time is coming soon.

Do you have a dog?

See results


This is the part where you stand up and scream, “I am ready!”

Well, first, you need to set up some useful tactics to make sure you and your family will survive if you ever become a victim of this type of attack. But ultimately, when you have been cornered, you need to fight back and you need to be ready. Don’t sit there and let them win. Go get the tools to make sure you are protected. And do it right away, before it is too late.

Some of these techniques will seem stupid, but stay with me. They have helped in the past; they will probably help in the future. The least dangerous of these activities is to dig a moat around your house. You don’t want to be left vulnerable. Therefore, if there is only one access point, the likelihood of you not being able to defend it is low. However, building a moat might prove to be time consuming. If they notice you doing this, they might even attack before you finish. Therefore, building a moat is also a very dangerous tactic.

This might be a little easier, but will prove to be just as dangerous if you are not paying attention. Dig several holes in the ground and cover them up. Before you are attacked, you are hoping these little holes will ultimately trap your attacker. However, if you forgot about your defense, you might have also put yourself in more danger. One wrong step and you will have sprained or broken your ankle. This will lessen your chances of being able to run for freedom.

There are other options too. You need to decide for yourself whether these are good options or too time consuming. I am just going to quickly list them because I don’t know how much time I have. You could also make quicksand, spread poison on the ground, install motion detecting lights, or just invest in a big dog. All of those will offer you extra protection. They will not guarantee your survival, but it is better than nothing at all!

And you don’t want to forget the inside of your house either. While ideally you want to keep them out, if they do come in, you want to know how. Check all the access points into your house. Make sure they are secure. In addition, make sure you can use these access points to quickly escape if needed. After all, you don’t want to be like me, sitting in a closet just waiting for them to come!

Office Supplies - who knew they could save your life

Thinking about throwing away that empty pen? Think twice. Do you have pens and pencils in every area of your house? Better get on it. Writing utencils make a great weapon in a pinch!
Thinking about throwing away that empty pen? Think twice. Do you have pens and pencils in every area of your house? Better get on it. Writing utencils make a great weapon in a pinch!


These are the utmost important skills to learn if you are ever up against an attack. This could save your life. Even something that seems as easy as jumping out a first story window can become difficult in the heat of the moment. I did not practice this. I am afraid it is why I am in my current situation.

I also didn’t memorize the layout of my house and make sure the clutter was picked up every night to avoid unnecessary injuries. My foot is killing me after stepping on one of my son's car toys. I almost fell and broke my tailbone. Luckily, I caught my balance, and even though the light bulbs have all been destroyed, I was able to arm myself with a few unknown weapons. I found a cable belonging to my Ipod that works really good as a whip, and a pen, which will not cause death, but will slow them down in their tracks.

So, if you want to be prepared, make sure to follow my advice. Know your house and keep it clean. Also, keep a mental list of those unusual objects that would make good weapons. You never know when you will need one. They should be small and easy to work with. You don’t want to be carrying a chair over your head. That would cut down your speed. Kitchen utensils and office supplies make handy weapons just in case. Now remember that - it might save your life.


When the unthinkable happens, it is now time to apply your tactics. And believe me, if they know you have read this, the chances of you being attacked will happen sooner than later. However, be happy, because at least you will be prepared. Now stop praying for your life and just start thinking. Some have survived. Hopefully you will too.

Now that you are ready

  • Stay calm and remember your training
  • Quickly assess your confinement
  • Whatever you do, do it quickly
  • Get you’re a@@ out of there (from my experience, hiding in a closet is definitely not a smart idea!)

If the time has come, you need to be confident that you will survive. The quickest way to be defeated is to do nothing at all. If you are going down, at least you went down fighting.

It's the end of the world as we know it!

The time has come

I feel I have done my job, and have given you enough of a warning to be somewhat prepared. However, if you do need more information, feel free to do further research by reading “How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack” by Chuck Sambuchino. I was too late. I was not prepared nearly fast enough. If I would have read this book earlier, I wouldn’t be in the predicament I am in right now.

My laptop battery is slowly coming to the end. But I don’t think it really matters anymore. They are upstairs now. I peaked out and everything is trashed. There is no one left to help me. They will be here soon.

I can hear them right outside the door. My time is coming to an end. I just hope I gave you enough insight to help yourself. Now is the time to fight. And for God’s sake, don’t set yourself up to be a victim. I don’t care how cute they look. Don’t ever purchase a Garden Gnome. And if you already have one, be prepared to defend yourself when those nasty lawn warriors strike, because they will.

They have taken my family and I am next… please tell my story so others too can be warned.

I am scared. They are scratching at the door. I fear goodbye is coming soon. So please, heed my warning and……….


They are coming to get you!

They may look cute, but behind that innocent smile is a lawn warrior looking to attack. Will you be prepared!
They may look cute, but behind that innocent smile is a lawn warrior looking to attack. Will you be prepared! | Source

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