How do you deal with an adult marr.son with financial problems who needs constant income help?
He has a job but has poor medical insurance and must help one child in college. His income does not meet his needs. His wife has limited self employment income.
I'm not sure that anyone but you can answer this one, there are too many variables.
It sounds like you don't have the income to be constantly bailing them out or it is something you would rather not do. There is no shame in that and I am not casting shadows.
You might want to sit down with them and look at what they are spending on. IE; do they have things that could be cut? Things like cell phone plans, for that matter any phones, and cable TV and internet are luxuries, They might be better off having a prepaid cell and nothing else and only broadcast TV, yes it does exist.
Is there a reason that a college student isn't paying for their own education?
If self employment isn't working for the wife she can get a job at least part time.
Like I said it is too complicated to answer here.
The four of you (including son, daughter-in-law, college-age grandchild) need to sit down together and, after analyzing their monthly expenses and income, determine a monthly budget, including a personal contract that stipulates that they do everything they can to meet their expenses before ever contemplating coming to you for help.
If he resists, remind him that you, as one of his sources of revenue, have every right to be involved in such a conversation. If he continues to resist, you must take a deep breath and cut him off - stand your ground until he agrees to the discussion. Good luck. I feel for you, from almost direct experience.
If your son's income does not meet his needs, he needs to do one of two things:
1. cut back on his needs; or
2. earn more money.
And his wife should get a job if self-employment is not bringing in enough money.
If you keep giving he will keep taking, and will never learn self-reliance.
It would also be helpful if he gets advice from an independent third party such as a credit counselor.
If he has a child in college, he should work with that teenager to find scholarships or employment to pay for college. He cannot afford to pay for college for another if he cannot support his family.
Send him to a financial education course like Crown Financial or Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University to learn budgeting and financial goal setting as a requirement for any future financial assistance from you. This puts a hard stop on the charity while teaching him about budgeting, without you interfering with decisions like how much money his wife spends on groceries per month.
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