Do You Want Some Of this?
My son , 23, came in the door. Just like many other nights he was drunk. But something was different this time. He had this look in his eye that really scared me. He went on to bed where his girl was already in the bed, and my grandson sleeping peacefully in his crib. My room was right across the hall from theirs.
I hear voices just as I doze off and know that this will be another sleepless night, another night of refereeing. "Damn" I remember thinking. So I just lay there and listen. They get louder and I grow concerned for my grandson who was 2 then. So I get up and go to the living room, my insides shaking.
They get louder and I hear noise in the room and the baby starts crying, I go to the door and knock, my son opens the door, "What the fuck do you want?" I was taken aback by his words. I asked" What is going on in here?", as she cries. She is laying on the bed. "It's none of your fucking business ", he says. I couldn't believe this was the son I was raised, guided and loved. I said son "Do not hurt her", he got right in my face and said "Do you want some of this? I will beat your ass too." I told him "You will play hell beating my ass son, now let me in here so i can get this baby. He didn't ask to be born to either one of you." As I went out the door, I told her to come on out with me but he slammed the door.
The baby and I sat in the living room and listened to the black noise coming from that room. A few minutes later she comes out on the pretense of using the restroom and comes down the hall and calls 911. Here he comes running down the hall and says "You didn't call the fucking cops on me, hang up!" I just looked at him as he slams the phone down and said, "It's too late, they already have the address, they will be here.".
He runs in the bedroom and throws on some clothes. By the time he gets to the car, they are coming down the street. He runs, off into the woods.
The police come and talk to us, she doesn't press charges. They take all the information down for future reference, if such is needed. They leave her with information, if needed, as to where to go for help, or to seek shelter.
We knew it wasn't over. She is sitting on the steps smoking a cigarette, and I am watching for him. I hear a noise to my right and here he is running up toward us. I tell her to get in the house. We get in and lock the door. He comes to the door. I am standing there, looking at this son that I love so much, and I don't know who he is anymore. He says," Just let me in Mom, I just want to get in my bed and go to sleep". I wanted so badly to believe that all would be well and to just let him in, it is winter and it is cold outside. I said , "Son , go sleep in your truck." God how it broke my heart to say that to him, to put my flesh and blood out in the cold, this child was born of my body, and loved so deeply. "Well. just give me some fucking socks", he said as I shut the door. "You fucking bitch." He had to have the last word.
My precious little grandson slept deeply next to me. And my sons girl was able to get a good nights rest too. Me, I cried myself to sleep, God how it hurt. It wasn't the first time for a situation like this, and it wouldn't be the last.
He was hooked on cocaine and it made him a mean hateful persom. Not The sweet, innocent son I raised. A Mom's heart, always loving, always forgiving, always hoping for the best for their child. Drugs and domestic abuse are a thief of life and love and time.
He is better now 1 1/2 years later. No cocaine, but distant still to me. Whether out of guilt, or freedom from the home he once knew, I don't know. I only know this, He is my son and no matter what, I love him. And I forgive him. Just as God forgives us time after time, because we are HIs children and He loves us, I forgive my son and welcome him with open arms when I see him, because he is my child.