what can i do about sexual abuse that happened years ago, and give my fiance the

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   annaphiloposted 13 years ago

   what can i do about sexual abuse that happened years ago, and give my fiance the answers he needs.
   
   I was molested/raped from the age of 9 until i was 19. i am 24 years old now, and have a little...girl of my own, and i believe he's done it to her to. she was 2 years old and complaining about papaw hurting her down there. we stopped allowing her to visit her mamaw and papaw, reported this to child services and nothing was done. i told my fiancee about what i had went through, and it%u2019s like he blames me. but he's not the only one, everyone that knows now, ask me why i stayed, i don't have an answer for that, but not once did i ever want my step dad to touch me. i never reported it to the

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   cobrienposted 13 years ago

   You feel like people are judging you because of your own self esteem issues brought on by the abuse. Anybody who is rude enough to ask you why you stayed has no clue as to what you went through and are probably not ones you want to know your personal business. Find a local support group and make a new friend or two who understands what you have been through. You will probably need some individual counseling too, but everyone's different.
   Social Services hasn't gotten too involved because it is obvious that you love your daughter and her safety is no longer an issue. If Social Services does do anything, it will take time. If you want to ensure the safety of other kids who may come into contact with your stepfather, go straight to the police yourself. I hope you do.
   Give up the guilt and heal your heart. Good luck to you.

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   WHite Doveposted 13 years ago

   You were a victim of childhood sexual abuse. When a nine year old is sexually abused, her/his sense of boundaries becomes muddled. Perpertrators have a way of making children silent... threats, promises, lies, etc. They brain wash children who are trusting.  The average pedophile grooms their victim for an average of 60 days before they touch them. They set them aside, talk sweet, offer gifts, and promises, or bully, manipulate and threaten the child into subordination. Then they make their move, which is confusing to a child. If they love me, this must be ok. Right and wrong become convoluted. The child becomes frightened, the child keeps silent to protect the perpertrator, or herself from further abuse. Sometimes the child is threatened, sometimes they think it is their fault.
   In the long run... the child becomes the guilty one (in their own mind, and their sense of self esteem and personal value is deminished). They begin to invalidate their own feelings. They are ashamed. They can't bear to tell another adult, because an adult is the one breaking their trust in the very people who are supposed to be the ones protecting them.
   Back up a little... the best thing for you to do is to get the answers for yourself. There are support groups... SIA, or RAINN, and help is at your local women's center, doctor's office and on the web.
   The best thing you did was to protect your daughter. BRAVO!
   Do not let anyone tell you that you were at fault. When a child is traumatized by abuse, their emotions are distroyed to the point that they might not even trust themselves. When abuse starts at such a young age, it is even harder to disclose. There are two books that are written in non-medical terms, easy to read and informative. Both books are healing: Grace in the Shadows, for you, and Mrs. McGillicuddy and Her Friend Mr. Rude for your daughter. You can google the titles on the internet.
   Also... the average pedophile is known to their victims, because they usually have control over the child. The average pedophile molests 117 children in their lifetime. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Report it. And if no one helped you with your daughter... report it again.

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      Attikosposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      White Dove, this is a superb response. Brava!
      
      Annaphilo, the only thing I would add to WD's remarks at this point is that, IMO, you should delay your wedding until this issue is happily resolved between you and your fiance.

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   LeeWallsposted 13 years ago

   It wasn't your fault that you were molested and raped from the age of 9-19. It is your responsibility to protect your child. If DCFS feels you're child is in danger, they will take her away from you.
   
   You need to report that to the police; there are many organizations you can reach out to.

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      TyeshaMatthewsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I am apart of an ongoing rape/molestation case involving a man who was my uncles ex-wife's boyfriend. He knew I was Homeless and used me when i was 17 and 18. I came clean with my aunt about it but she blames me and her own daughters for it.

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      WHite Doveposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Tyesha, I am happy for your strength & follow through for this case. Our perpetrators need to be held accountable for their assualts. I am sorry  that your aunt blames you & her daughters. Blessings to you in the days ahead. Be sure to get su

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      TyeshaMatthewsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I am going to speak and my aunt is facing jail time because it has came out that people told her he was a rapist.

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   TyeshaMatthewsposted 11 years ago

   We never tell because we feel as if we have something to lose. When this happend to me I was 17 1/2 to 18 and had no place to go because my family was distant. this man even went as far as hurting other family. my case starts next month and things will be hitting the news soon. this man was my cousins stepdad ant i had the notion he had a thing for me. never knew he was doing those things to my cousin. Cant wait to see him go down. yet i ask god to give him mercy.

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      WHite Doveposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Ty- Glad that you feel justified to prosecute, yet ask God for mercy. Keep courage in your heart. Your Aunt... when a person does NOT protect children from crime they are also guilty as the person who committed crime. You deserved to be protected!

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