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10 Ways to Move On After a Breakup

Updated on August 19, 2011

A young woman just asked me how to move on after a boyfriend dumps you. The timing is rather coincidental, because I just dumped mine, and if you are/were really in love with someone it can be emotionally debilitating whether you are the dumper, dumpee, old or young. Nor does it matter if you're the boyfriend or girlfriend -- if you've got a heart, it's going to hurt when it gets shredded to pieces. And that's where this article comes in; when you're ready to pick those pieces back up and move on with your life, here are 10 ways to get over your boyfriend or girlfriend. They are in the order that was useful to me, but you can go about them as you see fit. Read on to learn how to cope with your broken heart as you get on with your life.

1. Clean your home

This is pretty important, so don't skip it. Cleaning your home from top to bottom is the first step in clearing out all the negative emotion / energy / memory that you're surrounded with right now. Yes, it might take some time to do the whole environment, but this is a great way to release your emotions via some good old fashioned hard work. When are you done, you will feel good about what you accomplished, and that little bit of feeling good will pave the way for more positive emotions.

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Please DONT do these things!

  • 1. Don't contact them once you're sure it's over. It's only going to make both of you feel worse.

  • 2. If they were horrible to you, tell your friends once and let it go. The more you talk about everything they've done, the worse you are going to feel as you keep yourself tied to those memories.

  • 3. Don't hang onto their belongings in the hope you'll have an excuse to see them in a few weeks so you can try to win them back. Return all of their belongings at the beginning when the breakup first happens.

  • 4. Don't stalk them! Don't drive by and see if they've got a new someone in their life. Don't do this to yourself! If you need to get out and do something, go to the mall! Go anywhere else, but not to their home!

  • 5. Don't try to be friends if you can't. Some people will agree to be friends just to keep the other person in their life. Don't do this if you're still in love and can't cope. Don't give it a try because you think it will turn back into love. You are just prolonging the heartache, and that is not a nice thing to do to yourself.

2. EFT

If you don't already know what Emotional Freedom Technique is, you don't know what you are missing. Get thee to my article on how to get rid of other people's negative energy with EFT and learn all about it, and then do it. Now. Watch the video and then do it for everything you're feeling about yourself, your ex, your everything. This is very helpful, believe me. This is how you're going to clean your internal self and get it all shiny and new.

3. Take a Bath / Smudge Your Home

The next thing I did was take a clary sage bath to help clear all the negative emotions from body. Yes, that nasty negative energy does linger about and a bath is a great way to get rid of it in one go. I did this part after I did the EFT to cleanse my internal self, and this took care of the exterior. And when I was done that, I smudged my house with a sage stick -- and BOY does this change the way everything around you feels in a matter of seconds. You may even want to do this one on a daily basis just to help your mood.

4. Get Done Up and Go Somewhere Nice

Get spiffied up to remind yourself of how sexy and bad-ass you are and go walkabout. Go to a cafe or wherever you'd like, allow yourself to soak up the admiring glances (flirt a bit if you'd like) and then you'll start to remember just how lovely you are. You may have just gone through a bad experience, but there are good experiences all around you just waiting to happen -- when you are ready again. I don't recommend going out and getting carried away with anyone right off the bat because you're not ready for it, and it's not fair to lead anyone else on.

5. Write a Letter to Your Ex

I prefer to do this the old fashioned way with pen and paper, because it's more of a release, but you could type it if you're lazy like that, LOL. Get some paper and write a letter to your ex, telling them exactly how you feel about what has happened, and tell them why. Be as explicit as you possibly can be. Tell them everything you've ever wanted to tell them. Yell at them for everything you never got to yell at them for. Apologize for everything you never apologized for. Say everything, everything you can possibly think of. And then go outside, get a metal trashcan, and burn that letter (make sure you do it safely and legally!) Note: I would do some more EFT immediately after this to deal with the emotions you'll be feeling.

6. Watch Something Funny

I have to thank Larry David for getting me through the worst, most depressing and devastating breakup I've ever experienced in my life. I'd never actually seen Curb Your Enthusiasm until just after the breakup and I must say that all those seasons to catch up on really got me through a lot. It was so funny, and it's hard to be depressed when you are laughing. This is SO important! So find something you think is hilarious and watch it. And then find more hilarious stuff and watch that. Or read a funny book. Whatever it takes. Just get something funny to entertain you as much as possible. Laughter really IS good medicine.

7. Get Rid of Their Stuff

Some people can't let go of things, but if it was a horrible breakup under bad conditions, it may be better for you to let everything go so you give yourself a chance to forget that person and move on with your life. Some people will want to keep photos, etc. This is your choice. For me, personally, I had to get rid of everything. It helped tremendously in my case.

8. See a Therapist

Depending on what happened during the relationship and how badly it ended, you might want to see a shrink for a bit when it's over. And yes, I did. I honestly don't know how I would have coped if I hadn't. Shrinks don't have to be a permanent fixture, you can even just go for a session or two just to help you process what happened and what you plan to do now. This is very good for those who have tons of anger at their ex and no real outlet for it.

9. Change Something Big

A good way to leave the past behind you is to change something about yourself or your environment that has been a regular fixture for a long period of time. I am not going to recommend you cut your Crystal Gail length hair down to a bob, so please don't go crazy (unless that's really what you want to do) but you might change the hairstyle up a bit. Guys might try out a goatee or shave one off. Girls might try a new hair color. But you could also do something like redecorate your home -- and I don't mean go buy new stuff, you could always just re-arrange it and make it look totally different. There are many things you could do, just use your imagination!

10. Forgive Yourself and Your Ex

This is so important and you will never move on completely until you are able to do both of these things. Even if you think you don't have anything to forgive yourself for, or if you think there is nothing to forgive your ex for, think again. Your subconscious has got loads of things on a nice little list and some basic EFT will clean this right out in a matter of seconds. In fact, I did a special EFT article on how to forgive yourself, so you can try that one out and then adapt it to use for your ex.

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