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5 Horrible Truths About Men

Updated on August 15, 2015

As much as I love men and would never even imaging doing without them, the truth about men is not always pretty. Some women prefer to ignore it while others prefer to think that while any other man has his dark side, hers doesn’t and that is the reason why she has chosen him. But certain truths are ugly and it is better to know them to be prepared and avoid disappointment. After all, knowledge is power; if you know the truth about men you might even be able to work those ugly traits to your advantage. But I will show you that another day. Today I am just going to open your eyes to the 5 most horrible truths about men that every woman should know about.

1.- Men use women for sex

2.- When a man says "I'm Not Ready For A Relationship", he really means "I am not ready for a relationship with you!"

3.- Men judge you based on your physical attributes

4.- Men Cheat on Women They Love

5.- Men do not have a natural inclination to get married

If you are a man reading this, please bear with me and take the time to answer the questions for each of my truths.  I would like to know if you support my view or if you reject it with your answers to my questions.  If you have the time, leave a comment explaining why these 5 basic truths do apply or do NOT apply to you.  In any event, rest reassured that we women love you and are willing to overlook any flows if you show that you are worth it. 

For men only:

Have you ever used a women ONLY for sex?

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1.- Men Use Women For Sex

It is not a secret that men can have sex with women for whom they have no feelings for. Men do not like to go without sex, and if they are in need for it they will take any available women willing to satisfy their sexual desires. Unlike women who most of the time link sex to love, men make love to women for different reasons like merely to satisfy a physical need, or because they feel lonely or even just to satisfy their ego.

Most men know at the start of a relationship what type of relationship they are going to have with that woman. Very rarely a torrid sexual relationship without attachments turns into a love story.

If you ever have the impression that a man is just using you for sex, probably you are right. If a man loves you, even if he doesn’t put it in words, he will find ways to show you that he cares about you and you are important for him. So if you feel merely like a sexual object it is probably time to abandon the relationship; unless of course, you are also looking only for a sexual adventure and nothing else.

Every Man Sees You Naked: An Insider's Guide to How Men Think
Every Man Sees You Naked: An Insider's Guide to How Men Think

Shameless in its honesty and lacking any pretext of political correctness

 

For men only:

Have you ever said to a woman "I am not ready for a relationship" when you really meant "not ready for a relationship with you"?

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2.- When A Man Says "I'm Not ready For A Relationship", He Really Means "I Am Not Ready For A Relationship WITH YOU !"

Believe me, a man knows almost from the first date if the woman he is going out with is going to be just a girlfriend or if she has the potential to become one day his wife. When a man tells you that he is not ready to engage, he is just gaining time. It is not that he will change his mind later –that is rarely the case- it is just that he realizes that you are becoming serious and he needs an escape plan but he does not want to hurt you saying that.


Men –consciously or not- catalogue their relationships into serious and not serious. This of course doesn’t mean that he won’t have a non serious relationship. A man can have a long term relationship only for the comfort of the company and sex even if he knows that the relationship has no future because SHE is not her ideal girl. But he will keep the relationship going until he finds a “better match”.

3.- Men Judge You Based On Your Physical Attributes

It doesn’t matter how much a man says that the first thing he notices is your personality, it is not. Let’s face it; before he notices your personality traits, he notices your body and face. Even if you don’t want to, it is the first thing one notices about someone else. Men are particularly good at this. If you don’t make a good first impression on him, forget it; there is not much chance that he will notice any other of your attributes.


Don’t despair here, this doesn’t mean that you are not pretty or sexy. It just means that you don’t fit his criteria of beauty. To get the man you want you don’t need to be a supermodel, it is just sufficient to attract his attention towards you.

Come on guys, be honest

The first thing you notice about a woman is:

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For men only

Have you ever cheated on a woman you love?

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4.- Men Cheat On Women They Love

I am not saying here that ALL men cheat, but most men at least think about it for only one reason: sexual variety. Of course there are many other reasons why men cheat on the women they love, but here I am concentrating only in good and healthy relationships where there are not any other problems and the man is in love with his partner.

Cheating does not mean that he does not love you anymore, it is only a way to satisfy his desire for sexual variety. Even when men are going out with their “perfect partner” and have a satisfying relationship they have a natural tendency to fantasise about other women and unfortunately some men take their fantasies to real acts.

It is difficult to accept that a man who loves you is after other women, but unfortunately that is the way it works for many men. You only need to open the gossip magazines to see how men who go out with gorgeous women are found out cheating with other women less attractive or at least physically different to the one they are currently going out with. The answer is the need for variety.

5.- Men Do Not Have A Natural Inclination To Get Married

A man is always very nervous at the idea of engaging for life with someone else. The idea of losing their freedom to become responsible for a home and family is not very attractive for most men. Most men get married not because they feel the need to engage, but because it is a social norm although biologically they are inclined to the opposite. They know that women need marriage to feel loved and secure. They know that if they do not marry her they might lose her, because women are socially and biologically conditioned towards marriage. He know that she is expecting that from him, so he proposes.

Conclusion


I hope knowing these horrible truths about men do not put you off them.  On the contrary I am warning you so you are not deceived or disappointed.  Men are highly sexual creatures and if you understand them there is no need to say that “men are from Mars and women are from Venus”.  Knowing your men gives you the power to enjoy your relationships with them. 


Enjoy them!

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    • profile image

      bpo 3 years ago

      Ugly truth about women : Women prefer men who will hurt them .

    • profile image

      izzy 4 years ago

      sexism REALLY bugs me, and although i am only 12 i feel that EVERYBODY should be treated the same. Its not fair that women are underesimaated

    • profile image

      lovedoctor926 4 years ago

      You made very good points. great hub.. doc

    • profile image

      Jennifer 4 years ago

      I know these about men just as much about women and their snotty ways. Other women like to sweeten the pot to prevent a woman from being happy. Be it job, people in life or church good and bad everywhere. It

    • profile image

      Jacob 5 years ago

      Thanks for clarifying these things to women. It's all true. The sooner you accept these things, the better.

      But... While some men apparently do cheat on women they love, decent men don't. Even though it's natural for a man to want sexual variety, you still have to keep the promises you make. That is also a part of "being a man".

      The one thing I wish all women understood is this:

      "The fact that I am constantly sexually attracted to nearly every woman in the world and instinctively want to bang them, does NOT mean there's something wrong with you or with our relationship."

      One great thing about internet porn is that it allows us to short-cut our need for sexual variety and just fulfill it in fantasy and not in reality. Trying to suppress the urge is not healthy. You can't make a dog into a cat.

    • tom hellert profile image

      tom hellert 5 years ago from home

      Theres an essence of truth in your 5 axiomsfor many men not ALL but many. In your "world" it is unfortunate that guys have been jerky but like you said women can be equally as harsh.I find that women may not use men for sex (darn) although some do...women will use men for dates, material items, and status. The better looking the women many times increases her ability and therefore propensity to use a man.

      its a two way street is all I am saying neither sex is without issue- fault. Grea hubb though

      TH

    • profile image

      Silberkreuz 5 years ago

      1.- Yes, but only depending on the man.

      2.- Mostly yes, but not universal. I have been in a situation where I've said that and meant it.

      3.- Yes. But not exclusively... but it is certainly a big part.

      4.- I don't really know about that. Maybe. I don't/haven't.

      5.- Haha, going against some feminist theory there eh? I think they are to the same extent that women are, it's just women have it more drilled into them by the media they use.

      Overall this just gives me the slight impression that it's been written by a jilted lover.

    • profile image

      Adrian 5 years ago

      ¿Highly sexual creatures?, thanks the lord you love us (I wonder how this would be if that wasn't the case), anyway, no, not all men are like that, the only thing I kinda agree with is #3, well, I can't categorize every men either like "hey, every men judge a girl based on her physical attributes", so I'm just gonna say that I don't judge a girl based on her physical attributes, of course that's the first thing I'm attracted to (girls do the same, at least most of them), but is till I interact with her a couple of times when I make my first "judment", you talk about "truths" like you know everything about men, but no, maybe you had a really bad experience (sorry if that's the case), anyway, try not to generalize, other than that, there are some men who do that (I know a few guys who fit perfectly every number on your description), they lie and they don't care about other's feelings, some girls do the same, so some of these "truths" can fall into the woman version as well. Anyway, nice read, see ya.

    • profile image

      Katia 5 years ago

      ok...... It is good to hold up these truths (in your mind), remember them & use them as a line of defense to filter out the kind of guys who are just soulless idiots idiots walking around looking for somebody to jack & looking to jack whatever they can out of every person that they meet that they think they can jack these things from by lying to them.

      But it is unhealthy to believe everything that men say about themselves because they will bombard you with "facts about men" so that they can take stuff from you without giving anything back; implying that the situation is hopeless & that you just exist to be jacked & abused by a bunch of host-hopping parasitic clowns. So you might as well just sit your butt down & let them all travel around: abusing you & sucking up to each other to determine the others' social status.

      you know: I would hate to think that most men have NO morals & spend their whole lives traveling around trying to find/ talk or lie women into having sex with them (for nothing in return) only to immediately go running around trying to find the NEXT one to have sex with (or WHATEVER it is that they're supposed to want nowadays in order to be considered "cool" by other men.)

      But it's PROBABLY good to assume the worst because it will surprise you how often the negative traits that you try to avoid in people will turn up & shock you & chase you your whole life..

      It's kinda like being the only store within a certain mile radius..... & everybody for some reason wants to come in your store & jack everything; you don't WANT them to come in your store..... but they say they got the money to pay for whatever it is that they seem to NEED so badly..... or if they don't that they'll come & keep you company or trade you for something that YOU want.. or help you with something you need to do or sweep/ mop the store WHATEVER.. & then they DON'T, they just grab the thing off the shelf, go "eh, heh, heh! You're stupid cuz you let me grab this thing off the shelf here!" & run away all proud of themselves.. ONLY to........ go the next store.. & do the same thing! Honestly!!!!

      Is this supposed to be some kind of joke?!!

      I UNDERSTAND that the vast, vast, vast, vast majority of ALL men are COMPLETELY selfish.. & that the ONLY time they usually get married is when they start to panic & realize that they're NOT the center of the universe & that for SOME REASON not EVERYBODY seems to exist only for the purpose of serving THEM & they get scared & cling to the first short ugly bitchy brunnette that they see who can $$$upport THEM & "fall in love" with them & marry them; only to continue to act like a**clowns, buy themselves new "d-bag at the bowling alley" outfits (khakis & hawaiin shirts), get together with OTHER dudes with greasy hair, sandblasted, shiny faces, fake blue contacts in & of course, khakis & hawaiin shirts & walk around pretending they're single.

      I'm sorry, but I've had TOO many "boyfriends" try to talk me into TOO many stupid, horrible, DISGUSTING things & it DIDN'T matter to them that I or NOBODY would EVER want to do that; all THEY cared about was being able to go running up to their friends with their tongues hanging out & telling them that they (finally!) made some girl do this, that or the next thing on their disgusting little checklists of things they've seen in porn &that they have to go make some girl do now............ & then beg "am I cool yet, Jake? Huh?? AmIamIamIamIamIamIamiamI please..please..please..please..please" & so on.

      There we have it.

      So..........if it's perfectly natural to act this way, why are so many men coming on here defensively howling about how women are "exactly the same" as men, dammit! Or that women INVENTED it, "started" it & that they have NO CHOICE but to react the "same way" as ALL of these things that WOMEN invented: so once again it's "our" fault that they are acting this way so THEY can keep on doing it & then they get all proud of themselves by the end of their little "informatory" that they don't notice how stupid it sounds or how obvious it is that THEY don't even believe this stuff THEMSELVES.

      Anyway, if the human race was ever useful; I think it has outrun it's course. It's going to be a gross, disgusting end full of vomit & nausea at the Darwin Awards of Life when the humans finally take the stage, win the Awards & go home

    • profile image

      Mr. Regular 5 years ago

      Dont know why it just seems natural.

      1. Yes we do that's all we think about.

      2. Yes its hurts less then saying we just are not that into you.

      3. Yes of coarse who dont want the latest and greatest new toy to play with.

      4. Yes one is not enough :(

      5. Yes marriage means nothing. It is a silly bond put on people by people. Or maybe its just what we see what it has become. :(

      Its tough being a guy when a society tells you your not allowed to be one... :(

    • happychappyjb profile image

      happychappyjb 6 years ago from UK

      I disagree. Its just like saying all girls are after money in a guy. And I know that girls see if a guy is fit, If I turn they will look at my bum and girls are ten times sex driven then guies... Guies just act on it a lot more.

    • stricktlydating profile image

      StricktlyDating 6 years ago from Australia

      I don't feel the need to debate on this subject... I've learned most of these things about men the hard way!

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      Yasha 6 years ago

      I don't have time just now to say more, but I'd like to say at least this to offer what so far seems to be an entirely new perspective.

      The first thing we notice is looks. Yes, of course that's true. I'm no exception. And how the freaking heck would you ask it to be any different? Are you going to hide behind a curtain for three years all the while hoping that no man ever sees you and falls in love instead with your personally? I'd personally be put off by the fact that you held such an opinion of men, and that you had such an opinion of your body, and concerned about your sanity for you decision, and doubt I'd fall in love with such a personality. Asking, not only a man, but any person, not to notice looks first, is asking the entire population to walk around with a blindfold, it's not exactly possible. It's impossible to get to know a person before we look at them, so of course we notice how they look first. You should also be aware, that there are men, like myself, who use the mannerisms in which a girl holds herself, and dresses herself, to determine aspects of her personality. ie, if she wears make-up, is she overly-attached to her own looks, has a lower self-esteem, and therefore, I find her less attractive. And that aside, the ultimate, however obviously never first (or we'd have real love at first sight) determining factor for me is personality. Personality directly affects what I see when I look at a girl. On no account have I ever gotten to know a girl better, come to like her personality, and not felt like she didn't have more aspects of beauty than I previously did. In fact, there have been cases where I've looked at a girl, thought her almost ugly, ignored that and became friends with her anyway, and later come to feel like she was sure one of the most beautiful creatures on earth.

      -The introspective male.

    • profile image

      Madam_Lorr 6 years ago

      Hi! Love your posting!

      I have to say I know quite a number of women who use men as human dildos too, ie, just for sex! And, they don't necessarily want the guy emotionally either.

      I think as people get older, they tend to look for bonding mates. So, if it looks like people are all about sex and not emotional bonding, it's true in the young years!

      As far as marriage, I have to say I've found men to be open to marriage. I've gotten a few proposals in my dating years, so I can't say I have experienced your feelings on that issue.

      And yes, men judge women based on their physical appearance, but don't you too? We all do. Women like men who are healthy and strong - it guarantees good breeding genes. It's completely natural to want a good looking male at your side!

      Women do cheat too. Some go for a well to do man, who may be average looking, but they will turn around and sleep with the young, hard bodied pool boy! Don't you be fooled. :-)

      Above all, some women need to stop feeling like a Victim! You're in control over yourself! Be proud of your Femininity and use it for your betterment and gain!

    • Nick Malizia profile image

      Nick Malizia 7 years ago from USA

      Romantic beach image with heart butt is hilarious!

      1 and 4. Nothing to say, literally. Not experienced in "using" people. I guess that's a good thing.

      2. and 3. Initially I recognize physical attributes first. But personality is still very important. One type of personality is the "adventurous" kind, not every woman is adventurous. But the other purely intellectual,

      poetic personality is very important to a lot of guys. There are many romantics whose population is dwarfed by jerks, lol!

      5. I wonder about marriage and children but not relating to fidelity issues. Sometimes I worry if the world or future is too bleak to bring a child into. But I recently made up my mind that they still have a good shot, so problem solved. :)

      I enjoyed this talk and I think it's great that you are warning women so they won't get disappointed. I talked to a woman the other day who told me something powerful: "Don't try to change/help him. Some people seriously don't want to be helped." She was with a real jerk.

      Final note: Women can be hybrid Martian/Venusian(?) That sounds like the jackpot. lol!

    • Nick Malizia profile image

      Nick Malizia 7 years ago from USA

      I might come up with a defense for males on this... but so far I'm too giddy with all these cute women on the board yelling stuff like "Keep 'em in line!!" :swoon: Whether it's 100% accurate or not I'm having too much fun getting yelled at. I'm sure I'm not the only guy who feels this LMAO!!

      Sorry, Anath. I'm gonna make a logical comment in a sec as soon as this spell leaves my mind. Ha ha!

    • Anath profile image
      Author

      Anath 7 years ago

      Patience is a virtue davidseeger ;-)

      Thanks for taking the time to share your views dothebedn.

      There are exceptions like in everything else in life, this is just one side of the coin Jake.

      I believe that if you find the "right person" anytime is a good time for a relationship Cory, so if someone says that he is not ready for a relationship I take it that it is because you are not the right person, otherwise he wouldn't even think about that question, he would just jump in a relationship.

    • Cory Winn profile image

      Cory Winn 7 years ago

      ""2.- When a man says "I'm Not Ready For A Relationship", he really means "I am not ready for a relationship with you!" ""

      Wrong, lol. Most do mean it. Its not you, he really does not want a relationship at that given time. Sure, some men might use it as an excuse, but most of the time its honest.

    • JakeMcMurphy profile image

      JakeMcMurphy 7 years ago from Chicago

      I can't agree with this hub more. Men do these things. But not all men. There are lots of men out there who are kind, generous, and loyal. It really depends on who they are. What women can count on though is that if a man does any of these things once, then more than likely, he will do it again. There are exceptions but usually it's true.

    • profile image

      dothebedn 7 years ago

      Lot of men are like this, however not all men are. I know a few women that think every man on this earth is the same and hate even a good man because of the fact that he is a man. In the end it only hurts them.

      I dont use women for sex, I can do without sex easily. My sex drive is very low. No I am not gay. I get more joy out of just hanging out then I do with sex. I like to keep the woman I am with happy.

      I am not read for a relationship myself, but I am not ready for a relationship with anyone. I have been in too many bad ones where the woman has taken advantage of my kindness and threw it back at me that I want to stay single for a while. A friend relationship though I can do.

      When I was in my teens I did judge by appearance, though I have learned that the outside of the body is only a shell, and when you love someone you only see the person rather then the shell.

      I never cheated and couldn't possibly cheat on someone I love. If I love someone, the thought of cheating on them makes me sick. Why ruin a great relationship by doing something as stupid as cheating?

      One day I hope to find someone to marry, I have often thought of it and want to when I find the right person. I know I am taking a break from dating, but I know I will date again soon when the time is right.

      I do know that most men are douche bags, but not all men are. Sadly there are not enough men out there that are good. But they are out there.

    • davidseeger profile image

      davidseeger 7 years ago from Bethany, OK

      After reading all of the comments, I want to say that I admire your strength that allows you to respond to all of these people without losing your patience. One pair of communications make me want to comment. There will always be someone who will introduce God and his perceived rules for sexual conduct. At the same time you will always get the knee jerk reaction of the person who doesn't bother to read the comment. It is his opportunity to pour vitrol on the head of the poor christian who by nature of his religious belief is not allowed an opnion. Those who demand freedom of speech are always at the front of the mob insistant that some other group be denied the same right.

      Well, i know this isn't truly appropriate for your subject, but my cow got gored and I had to react.

      On the subject of your hub, I'll say it's very good. It's extensive and well thought through. For me, though, I believe that may be based on some false asumption. You say, I believe, that you do not believe in marrage. Do you believe in long term relationships without the inconvenience of a contract? If that is your positon, this whole hub seems to be missing an understanding of your basis for making these points. To me, it seems that the only justification for caring about the answers to these questions is the constrants implicit in marrage. But then I an probably misunderstanding you. Thanks for all the food for thought.

    • Anath profile image
      Author

      Anath 7 years ago

      Well I always suspected that, and as you can se in the polls, I wasn't too far out from the truth Alissa. All the same, I love men to bits!!!!

    • profile image

      Alissa Margaret 7 years ago

      I loved it! Brilliant points, someone needed to say it!

    • Anath profile image
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      Anath 7 years ago

      I am on your side Gr8legs :)

      I think so dawnM. If women accept the nature of men without trying to change them, there would be less unhappy women in the world.

    • dawnM profile image

      Dawn Michael 7 years ago from THOUSAND OAKS

      loved the article and very true about men, if more women read this article there would be a whole lot less hurt women in the world!!!!!

    • Gr8legs profile image

      Gr8legs 7 years ago

      It was inevitable, wasn't it? You always get some God-botherer turning up eventually with the "It's a sin" line. STIs are not a punishment for sex outside of marriage. We are animals; highly intellectually evolved , maybe, but animals all the same and as such are designed to procreate and thus pass on our genes onto the next generation.

      Viruses are merely a life-form that has evolved to fill a niche in the complex tapestry of life. As eukaryotes, they are not able to multiply without interacting with a host agency, an interaction that is ultimately to the detriment of the host. So please, karatekidjmt, spare the sermons for someone who gives a shit.

      Love is nothing more than a chemical trick to get us to procreate and sex is the mechanism by which this is achieved. God has nothing to do with it, nor has sex outside of marriage. The transmission of STIs is best controlled by practicing "safe sex" between consenting adults. Or should we start talking about paedophiliac priests now, or multi-millionaire televangelists living "sex guru" lifestyles funded by poor gullible fools seeking salvation?

    • Anath profile image
      Author

      Anath 7 years ago

      Thanks for a different point of view karatekidjmt. I don't agree on sex being ONLY between husband and wife, as a matter of fact I don't even believe in marriage- But I agree on how scary the statistic you showed us are. Safe sex should be everyone's priority. Not all, but at least a great number of STDs can be avoided if sex is practiced responsibly.

      Again thanks for sharing your point of view with us.

    • karatekidjmt profile image

      karatekidjmt 7 years ago

      seeing that many people posting and reading this stuff are sexually active, i thought this would be appropriate. 1 out of 2 sexually active youth will have contracted an std by age 25. by age 50 over 80% of women will have acquired HPV.

      I personally know two young women who got AIDS from someone and now they are mad at the world, and so what they do is purposely hook up with different unsuspecting men in order to "get even" as crazy as that sounds... All evil is a twisting of something good. God designed sex for it to be between a husband and wife. when we take it outside of his design, we should not be shocked at the consequences that it has. those were just a few of hundreds of shocking statistics. sex is never enough in itself to satisfy. i used to try to find satisfaction from it and other things and guess what i found. BRIEF and FLEETING satisfaction that always needed to be replenished. that is not real satisfaction. Only God can give what our souls are searching for.

    • Anath profile image
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      Anath 7 years ago

      I agree with your horrible truths about women junkseller.

      For what I see, it is true that most women like to use the "men will be men", "can't change them", "they are just giant walking hormone monsters", etc to explain their failed relationships instead of searching for the real reasons which often involves their behavious as well.

      I don't agree with your final point though. You cannot compare a man's lasting power with a woman's period. A man DOES have control over his "lasting power" (except for very few medical cases). The proof is that a man CAN control how long he wants to please his lady, it is just a matter of learning that control.

    • junkseller profile image

      junkseller 7 years ago from Michigan

      1. Men use women for sex: No, never. Or even for something small like a kiss, for that matter.

      3. Men judge you based on your physical attributes: Maybe, but I think this is largely taught. And that teaching is perhaps as much (or more so) the fault of women as men. It can also be untaught. I have gotten to the point where I really think all the ladies running around with tiny skirts, push-up bras, botox injections and lip plumpers are just ridiculous.

      So here is an ugly truth about women. They far too often use the men will be men, can't change them, they are just giant walking hormone monsters, mantra to explain away a failed relationship and to not have to search for any deeper truth for it.

      Sexuality is superficial. It is just a filter to our true hearts and souls, which are much more complex, deeper, and beautiful than we are generally given credit for.

      One final point. Derogatory comments about a man's lasting power are as ridiculous as a man complaining about a woman who can't control her period. There is no manliness or un-manliness in uncontrollable biology. The Penis is not designed for pleasuring woman. It is designed for the expedient transfer of sperm. If a man's routine is unacceptable for you than be an adult and have a conversation with him about it.

    • Anath profile image
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      Anath 7 years ago

      Wow... What can I say Gr8legs; I just hope that I never date the "average human male". I don't mind the lottery game, but 3 minutes...

    • Gr8legs profile image

      Gr8legs 7 years ago

      Well, now, let me ask you a question; why are the testes of human males larger than those of male gorillas in proportion to their overall body size, yet smaller than those of a chimpanzee.

      The answer is related to the female orgasm - sexual competition.

      The average human male ejaculates within 3 minutes of vaginal penetration. Do you know (m)any women who can reach orgasm within 3 minutes? I've certainly never met one, not unless penetrational intercourse has been preceeded by protracted foreplay.

      In evolutionary terms, the sole purpose of female orgasm is to encourage copulation. Now, then, if a female member of a particular species is not sexually satiated after having copulated with one male, how can she be expected to achieve satiety? By proceeding to mate with another sexual partner, would appear to be the obvious answer. Poliandry (a female mating with many male partners) is the norm in chimp society, as it is amongst many ape species.

      If you are a male who's sexual partner is mating with other males, how best can you ensure that your gametes (sperm) will successfully pass your genes on to the next generation? By producing lots of them. It is analgous to buying a ticket in the lottery - you've got to be in it to win it and the more tickets you hold, the greater your chance of success; this is the law of probability.

      Thus, according to Darwinian principles, in a society in which there is a lot of competition for the ova, those males who produce the greatest volume of sperm will be successful.

      This then brings me onto my next point - "Don't put all your eggs in one basket", Knowing that, immediately following your own graceful "dismount", another male was waiting to take up where you left off, what else can you do to maximise your reproductive potential for success? Buy tickets for another lottery, of course. Thus, the male chimpanzees are polygynous (one male, many females).

      Gorilla society comprises largely of one single alpha male - the silverback - being the sole progenitor of all offspring produced by a "harem" of females; he doesn't need to produce copious amounts of sperm as he decides when the females are mated and it is (almost - some females are occasionally unfaithful) exclusively he who will mate with them. Hence the (relatively) tiny testes.

      In human society we place unnatural constraints upon ourselves. The concept of freedom within a communal society is entirely false because, by default, if we wish to live cheek-by-jowl with others of our own kind, we must forego certain freedoms - e.g. the right to keep the money we earn, so we pay taxes.

      Being that human offspring are born approximately 12 months prematurely in biological/survival terms and are entirely dependent upon their parents for nurturing and protection for at least 14-16years, this represents a high level of investment in offspring - especially as family sizes continue to shrink; thus, we surrender our opportunies for sexual promiscuity to maximise the survival of our offspring.

      Is it any wonder, then, that some of us - both male AND female, occasionally fall from grace in terms of fidelity. In biological terms we are merely expanding our options and maximising our opportunities for procreational success. Humans as a distinct genus have existed for over one and a half million years, yet civilisation has existed for less than three and a half thousand years - a comparative drop in the bucket. Our psycho-social conscious is not THAT far removed from "Lucy" (a protohominid; Austrolapitecus Afarensis).

      p.s. the author has just come out of a relationship in which he was both physically and emotionally faithful for fourteen and a half years.

    • Anath profile image
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      Anath 7 years ago

      Completely agree with that habee... and yes, I am guilty ;-)

      I write about what I see karatekidjmt. You are right I didn't count on Christian men because I have not met them. I say men cheat because that is what I have seen all my life. But I don't complain about it because I do it too. I don't believe in fidelity I accept infedility as part of life and being human.

    • karatekidjmt profile image

      karatekidjmt 7 years ago

      Obviously you weren't factoring in christian men into the equation. and obviously you are not aware of what love means because if you truly love someone then you dont cheat on them period. It sounds to me like you have been cheated on by someone that you believed loved you and now you are very confused on this point.

    • habee profile image

      Holle Abee 7 years ago from Georgia

      Sometimes we women use men for sex, too! We're catching up!

    • Anath profile image
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      Anath 7 years ago

      Point taken privateye2500. However, I don't think that there are many women prepared to admit that they use men for sex,or that they cheat even when they are in love... although clearly we do.

    • privateye2500 profile image

      privateye2500 7 years ago from Canada, USA, London

      These are no "horrible truths!* sheesh. You are hanging with the WRONG bunch girlfriend!

      1.- Women use men for sex too!

      2.- When a woman says "I'm Not Ready For A Relationship", she really means "I am not ready for a relationship with you!" YEA! or with anyone else either!

      3.- Women judge men based on their physical attributes! Oh Ya! TOTALLY True.

      4.- Women Cheat on men They Love. Why? Beats the heck outta me - but they do it too.

      5.- Women do not have a natural inclination to get married

      either! At least not in my world!

      Everything you wrote applies *just* as equally to women - some More so I believe.

      M/

    • Anath profile image
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      Anath 7 years ago

      Maybe it is women's nature Kkathi ...

      Don't take me wrong Dix, I do believe that there are plenty of good guys out there, this is just a generalisation but I am convinced that there are loads of exceptions waiting for the right girl.

    • The Dix View profile image

      The Dix View 7 years ago from Los Angeles

      To be honest, I wish I could argue with you more than I can, but I know a lot of guy's that fit this bill, and Guy's brag aboput this, as to Ladies. I can say that I don't fit any of these ecxcept the physical attributes, nut then again, The first thing you do when you meet anyone is see them.

      As far as Marrige, I was in a bad one, and Idid everything I could to keep from losing it. I didn't cheat, and I made every attempt to get counseling for my wife and I. We have a great son, who I love and I'm sad that I'm not still married. I loved being maried and wishI could find a soul mate to get married again.

      Maybe I'm different, but Iknow a lot of happily married guys, and I think we all think mostly the same. You wouldn't necessarily meet us in a bar, but we're around.

    • profile image

      Kkathi 7 years ago

      What I find interesting is that even in the 21st century women are still whinning about men. I thought we'd changed during one of the many sexual revolutions over the decades. In the 80's women were all about the power. Power over our jobs, our lives, sex. But behind closed doors we're still crying over the boy that didn't call. Why is that? And if we don't do that, if we act like men. Have sex like men we're called cold and calculating. A shame really.

      I was married for 25yrs. I was the driving force that kept that man alive. Ya know how the saying goes, behind every great man is a great woman. Well, when I stepped out from behind him to see what was going on I realized that without me, he'd be nothing. And I was right. Instead of re-telling the same old truths, and yes, they are truths about men it should be understood that women can have or not have everything a man does. Women forget that when they go out, yes there's a man looking at them. But they can look back or look away. We, as women hold all the control. No, you can't force a man to marry you, if that's what you really want. But would you want to be in a marriage with a man you had to force to the alter anyway? Probably not. Wise up ladies, the only separating us from men is a penis.

    • Anath profile image
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      Anath 7 years ago

      I'am not against that solution Karl, Friedrich and Vladimir. I think we have been to a few parties toguether, haven't we?

      If you say so Galameth...

      LOL, maybe I am a man trapped ina woman's body philosotographer :-)

      Keep looking Sa Toya, you'll find it, but above all, how fun in the process!

      Not many like you saved078, but we'll believe you.

      Thank you IdeaMorphist.

      I always have them on their tip toes tarkishat ;-)

      I don't blame anyone, and NO, I have not experienced bad guys ran.

      Whatever shrek...

      Thanks for your comment and for sharing your opinion crickette_w. I love it when someone disagrees with me and has a good point to argue ;-) I must say though, that personally I don't believe in guilt, just in having good moments :-)

    • profile image

      Karl, Friedrich and Vladimir 7 years ago

      There is a simple way out of this endless problems: good old communism. Women should belong to all men and men to all women. The global relationship crisis would be a thing of the past, just like the global financial crisis (just get rid of private ownership).

    • profile image

      Galameth 7 years ago

      Oh my how having a homosexual relationship change the viewpoint on those topics :P

    • philosotographer profile image

      philosotographer 7 years ago

      good insight, I would almost think that you were a man. One of the best short books I've ever read on this topic was called "Everything I know about men, I learned from my dog" very interesting and it was written by a woman.

    • Sa Toya profile image

      Sa Toya 7 years ago from England

      a really good read. Being a single young woman and having never been in a serious relationship, I find this is something we a;; need t bear in mind..especially when looking for a serious relationship. We should know what we want and go get it, and remember that when we do it needs nurturing!

      Loved it!

    • profile image

      saved078 7 years ago from Central New Jersey

      I respect,honor,and love women.I love their appearance,sweet ways and beauty.Women ARE NOT toys! The only way that I'll sleep with a woman is if she's my bride.

    • IdeaMorphist profile image

      IdeaMorphist 7 years ago from Chicagoland

      Absolutely love your points. Also, the structure and use of the polls was genius!

    • tarkishat profile image

      tarkishat 7 years ago

      Loved it! Keep 'em in the hot seat girl!

    • profile image

      ran123 7 years ago

      You can blame few men not all the men for that. It is very difficult to date faithful men. so you only experienced bad guys.

    • shrek619 profile image

      shrek619 7 years ago from India

      I am male and I thought everyone has the same attitude.

    • crickette_w profile image

      crickette_w 7 years ago

      There is a time in all of our lives we are "ready to settle down. If done too early, I do believe all of these apply on both sides. We are ready to settle down with a mate when our confidence level is in a secure place. Then and only then do we have the trust within ourselves and in our mate to have the maturity enough to continually show on a daily basis the love, care, concern and trust we have for our mate. Now, this isn't always the case for both people when they get together. It is a fact that women mature quicker than men. There are all sorts of factors that keep a relationship at a total infancy. This is where the problems start. Love, no it isn't love to cheat. It all comes down to being able to actually marry the one you feel those undying feelings for. Then, gosh, it really takes alot of work from both sides to keep this alive. You have to continue to be that dotting person, you have to continue to make those phone calls and etc.. These are the things you must do to keep your mate. Society has made so many excuses for men, they can't help but get it in their minds it's ok. If you truly love each other, and you have truly chosen the right man, none of these things would ever apply. It all comes down to choosing a strong confident man, who isn't still looking for validation for his manhood. When approached by another women, the first things outta his mouth outta be how wonderful his love at home is. This I promise you will give him more satisfaction than the feelings of quilt he will have if he chooses the opposing. Now, I have to say this is one of the best written hubs I have seen on the pages. Great work, I just disagree. Thanks for listening.

    • Anath profile image
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      Anath 7 years ago

      Don't forget to drop me a line when you do Peter, I am really curious now!

      Thank you very much for your input Catalyst_LA.

      You naugthy ralwus...

      Very good point vrbmft. Answering your question... at least for me the answer is NO, I don't mind men looking at my boobs. It gives me a "boost" to have them looking at me and making me feel wanted. I don't mind, because I am aware of the importance of physical attributes and ME too I look at men's attributes only for my pleasure. The flirting part is just a game. When entering a serious relationship I know that I am with someone for more than his looks and that he is with me for more than my boobs ;-)

      Thanks for commenting Eken.

      LOL, I love to titillate an activist goose :)

      Thank you for the honest answers and for sharing a different perspective on men mtsi1098.

    • profile image

      mtsi1098 7 years ago

      Well I am happy to say that I answered NO to all these questions and they are honest answers...Question 3 was missing the first thing I noticed about my wife and that was her eyes (I could have selected the attributes but I did not feel as though it represented the event)...thanks for the perspective though...

    • profile image

      an activist goose 7 years ago

      Anath! I could get lost in your hubs for hours - soooo classy and sensual!!! You titillate from toe to head...

      As for the 5 horrible truths about men: I've been in a monogamous relationship for nearly 26 years during which I've admitted to myself some human truths. The whole elusive, mysterious package makes any form of contact (voice,eye, skin, etc.) intriguing, challenging and fun. Dancing with as many partners as one wishes serves as my favorite metaphor. What makes DWTS so popular?

      The men and women who haven't enjoyed playing the Mating Game for the mere challenge of it turn out to be boring "rules" people from birth. Some of your book ads may fill in those who profess innocence; however, I propose, intentionally or not, that each of your 5 issues boil down to our animal natures - that being, make the most of procreating with the maximum benefits of blended DNA. In other words, animal instincts are merely tamed by our human institutions in an attempt to protect our progeny until they venture out to continue our genetic programming.

      I've recently read about true asexuals. Perhaps mother nature has built-in birth control!!!

      For the rest of us, even tho' my libido is less urgent these days, enjoy the dance!

    • profile image

      Eken Lam 7 years ago

      Most of the points, it's okay and I believe you.

      However, we should not forget that every story has two sides of it. Not bad at all. Really read all your words, nice.

    • vrbmft profile image

      Vernon Bradley 8 years ago from Yucaipa, California

      Wow! Great hub! For me, the question is not so much whether or not I am guilty of one or all five. You could have thrown in there, men are ax murderers as well!! For me, the issue is, whether men or women, we all have parts of ourselves that can be absolutely wonderful and "mawvelous" and other parts of ourselves that can be awful and destructive. I look at other women and notice their physical attractiveness, and if I get to know this person, I also begin looking beyond. My first wife (27 years) was not the physically attractive person she was when we first met, and I still loved her dearly and enjoyed taking care of her body right up to the end. My current wife has gained quite a few pounds since we met and I still enjoy cuddling, making love, and feeling HER skin which feels totally different from my first wife. I suppose I COULD have sex with every woman on the planet of Venus or Mars, but I wouldn't, for all kinds of reasons, some probably honorable and some not.

      The bottom line for me is being conscious of all the honorable parts of myself and all the not so honorable parts of myself. All parts have a place and a time so to speak, so one does not want to get rid of any part.

      My question is do women want us to look at their boobs? It certainly seems so with all the cleavage exposure. The other issue to look at is how we raise men. What are Mom's doing to raise men so these not so honorable parts find a place and what are men doing to raise their sons to be other than dogs and what are parents doing together to model healthy relationships? Okay, I guess that is enuf!! Thanks again for the interesting and provocative hub!

    • profile image

      ralwus 8 years ago

      I need to tell you that your avatar is Hot! What a lovely mouth it is. Nuff said.

    • Catalyst_LA profile image

      Catalyst_LA 8 years ago from Los Angeles, CA

      First and foremost, I would like to say great job on the article.

      Now, I will offer my $0.02 as a male on these 5 topics.

      1. I understand men do this and do it often and so do many women. I understand this isn't a battle of the sexes but needed to add that to make my point. Again, most women are often okay with the "casual sex" lifestyle as long as they are AWARE of what exactly is taking place between both parties. I think this is often where men mess up because they never convey to her from the beginning that they are just friends. When a woman understands this and somehow ends up sleeping with you, she understands it's not going to go any further than that. While I don't really "sleep around" per se, I do have many female friends that I have gotten fairly passionate with but due to the fact that I made the friendship clear from the start, they are able to accept the situation and often times end up finding boyfriends that they really enjoy later on. While I agree that men are biologically driven to play Johnny Appleseed, it's true men that learn to take control of these drives and emotions. Just because a man gets aroused doesn't mean he has to go sleep with the next female he sees as if he's some animal in heat during mating season. As humans we have the ability to utilize discretion and true men understand that. Also, if a woman is in such a situation and isn't sure as to whether or not she is being used, it's important that she express her thoughts and feelings because most men probably won't realize that she may be expecting more out of the relationship.

      2. This also goes hand in hand with number 1 in the sense that men need to make sure they set the ground rules with a woman. Whenever I meet a female for the first time, regardless of whether or not I ever intend to get involved in a relationship with her, I always make sure to tell her that she "Seems like an interesting individual and that I'm sure we could develop a wonderful friendship". That simple sentence has changed so many things for me and saved me plenty of mixed up emotions and teary eyed conversations.

      3. This is true in the sense that a woman's appearance is the FIRST thing we notice, but there are many other things that quickly follow that (on a quick side note, "eyes" would have been a nice option for the voting as it's one of the first things that I always notice). For the sake of simplicity, I'm going to use the infamous 1-10 scale. Say there's a woman who is a 7 on the APPEARANCE SCALE. As a man, you see her and think to yourself that she's above average but not incredibly beautiful. After that, you quickly notice her posture, mannerisms and demeanor. Does she seem conceited? Down to earth? Genuine? Annoying? Intriguing? Then if you decide to approach her (or she happens to appraoch you), you begin talking to her and get a decent taste as to what kind of person she is. Believe it or not, but probably the most appealing thing in a woman is KINDNESS (remember it ladies). So if you approach Ms. 7 and she is sweet as can be and makes you feel comfortable, then she has just transcended to an 8-9 on the (as I like to call it) ATTRACTION SCALE. This also works in the opposite way, so if there's a girl who might be 9-10 but has a terrible attitude or personality, she can EASILY fall to a 6 and will be seen as nothing more than an expendable hook-up. Now when it comes to a man, the Attraction Scale is where you want to be as a woman. Most women don't understand this and think "well I'm not that pretty so I'm never going to find a really great guy" which is very far from the truth. I consider myself a pretty decent looking guy and have had some pretty beautiful women after me. My point is that despite the fact that I could have dated these women, I didn't because I wasn't really all that attracted to them overall. The majority of my girlfriends have been "cute" but their attitudes and personalities are what truly set them apart and gave them an edge over the competition.

      4. This is not a need. It might be a desire, but never a need. In all honesty, I think this is actually due more to a lack of discretion. Again, a man might be in a relationship with a gorgeous woman, but if he's not all that attracted to her then chances are he will be seeking other avenues. I've been in quite a few relationships and can honestly say I never fantasized about other women. Instead, I would actually fantasize about ways that I could make things more interesting with the woman I was currently with. I have never cheated on any of the women I love because I actually loved them and that is not something you do to someone you truly love (please note when I say love I am also including: respect, admire, enjoy, care for, etc.). Actually, I have been cheated on twice by women who had been cheated on themselves and who also asked me if I would tell them I ever cheated on them. After I learned that they had cheated on me I immediately broke it off despite the fact that they claimed to "really love" me.

      5. We all know that dreaming of wedding days is a woman's business both emotionally and biologically, not to mention that it's good business for her. True men really don't think about marriage all that much and men are naturally inclined to procreate, but at the same time men are also naturally inclined to lead and that's exactly what a fathering role calls for: leadership. I think men do desire marriage in some ways although definitely not for the same reasons as women. I think that argument could easily be made by the fact that marriage is such a widespread concept throughout so many cultures and has also been around for so long. Now whether or not men are faithful in marriages and whether those marriages last is another story and probably more of an ethical one at that. In essence, men desire marriage more than most people think.

      On a final note, I would like women to think about this: I'm not denying that these things are true, but rather trying to give insight into the male mind. Also, instead of accepting these things as universal truths for all me, these should be considered 'warning signs' if nothing else as most of these topics will vary due to the principles, morals and personalities of each individual. If you're looking for a relationship or marriage, don't date a guy who shows these traits. Find a man who has made the choice to lead his life in a different direction. Now if you're looking for a fling, I'd say just find someone you click with on a decent level and make sure they're not a cereal killer ;)

      Again, enjoyed the post Anath.

    • Peter Dickinson profile image

      Peter Dickinson 8 years ago from South East Asia

      Anath....as I said, its complicated. One day I will hub an explanation. Actually I did already but quickly unpublished it due to a flurry of comment and email.

    • Anath profile image
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      Anath 8 years ago

      Thanks for your time Peter. Now you left me curious about your two wives relationship...

    • Peter Dickinson profile image

      Peter Dickinson 8 years ago from South East Asia

      Interesting hub. Thought I better see how I fit in.

      1.- Men use women for sex

      Yes, definitely but I find women use me too and I'm not complaining.

      2.- When a man says "I'm Not Ready For A Relationship", he really means "I am not ready for a relationship with you!"

      Could be I don't want to hurt her feelings and would depend how long I had known her.

      3.- Men judge you based on your physical attributes

      The word judge here is a bit confusing. I love looking at beautiful women but prefer relationships with interesting ones. One truth I have learnt is that beautiful young women are much less exciting as lovers than older interesting women.

      4.- Men Cheat on Women They Love

      Initially for 30 years I did not. After divorce in subsequent relationships I cheated. I was making love for sexes sake and not falling in love.

      5.- Men do not have a natural inclination to get married

      I still think the best thing I ever did in my life was to get married. Would I ever again? Only if I could fully support them. I presently have two 'wives'. It is a complicated relationship.

    • Anath profile image
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      Anath 8 years ago

      Thank You for your feedback Jonathan. I am discovering a new type of man here. I didn't think that men could go for so long without intimacy ,but you and The Agro One are showing me different. Thanks again for taking the time to write down your experience.

    • Jonathan Janco profile image

      Jonathan Janco 8 years ago from Southport, CT

      Anath,

      I see you already have plenty of feedback, but I will add mine.

      1. Using someone for sex is not a gender issue, it's a maturity issue. I have been used for sex by many women in my life. Some have even gone so far as to say it's all I'm good for, citing my financial situation as their exclusive justification. This is a sign of selfishness and immaturity.

      2. Not being ready to be in a relationship is also not a gender issue, it's a trust issue. I've dated many women whom I've said this sort of thing to and mostly for reasons of not feeling right about being with that person. I have also been on the other side of this where I got too attached too quickly.

      3. Judging someone on their physical attributes is nothing unusual and is a sign of shallowness. The number of women who judged me in this way goes on and on. I've dated a few women who ask that priceless question, 'Why do you like me?' and have offered my genuine opinion on that. When asking the same question in return I have, on occasion, gotten the answer, 'Because you're cute', and that was it.

      4. If you cheat on someone, you don't respect them . . . end of story. And I don't think you can love someone you don't respect. I had cheated a few times and got caught. We all have to make mistakes in order to mature, right? It all starts w/ self-respect, and I've met many people of each gender that have very little self-respect and that's a shame. Often, I've dated women whom I've given the benefit of the doubt to only to have my initial suspicions of their being shallow, manipulative, deceptive, materialistic and self-centered be all too brutally confirmed. For the last two years I have not dated or had sex or even kissed anyone mainly because I have felt the need to work on myself so that I can be available to that one true love that I know I will someday find because . . .

      5. I do actually want to get married. I haven't yet mainly because the right feelings simply have never been there in any of my previous relationships. Close, but no cigar.

      Again, I'm not going to suggest that there aren't many men who fit these characteristics, but such men are just overgrown boys who are no different than the overgrown girls who are often guilty of the same things.

      I hope this feedback is helpful to you and your readers.

      Sincerely,

      Jonathan.

    • Anath profile image
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      Anath 8 years ago

      That's a point Wayne...

      Thanks Vicky.

      Why I am not surprised Ralwus?

      I am absolutely delighted to see you here The Agro one. There are not many men who would admit that they like romantic love and had less than 5 sexual partners. Thank you for stopping to leave a comment and show us women that not all men are the same. Good luck to you!

    • The Agro One profile image

      The Agro One 8 years ago

      I am going to start by saying that I do not fit the typical male you have identified in your hub but to be honest all of my former girlfriends and current girl friend thought that I was gay when they first met me. I believe in romantic love. I believe that there is a person out there for each of us that will complete us in every way that we fall short. I am 27 now and can still count my sexual partners on one hand. This isn't because of lack of willing girls wanting to but because the one night stand has never appealed to me. I'm not unattractive or unable to talk to women. I am a very charismatic person who always attracts a crowd. I've always wanted the two story white house, the nine to five, and the kids and the wife. That's just me though.

    • profile image

      ralwus 8 years ago

      I declare the fifth. LOL

    • Vicky Webb profile image

      Vicky Webb 8 years ago

      I Love this hub so honest and true.

    • Wayne Orvisburg profile image

      Kenneth Wayne 8 years ago from Alabama

      I would have to say that 1-4 apply just as much to women as they do to men. And number 5 is true because most women won't acknowledge that 1-4 applies to them as well.

    • Anath profile image
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      Anath 8 years ago

      Thanks for the answer Vizey.

      Thanks you for letting us know your opinion troyseph0.

      You made a very important point Mocha Momma, thank you for the remainder.

      I think it is impossible not to look at physical attributes before knowing a person jim10, it is just a fact that men go for it, they cannot avoid it.

      I like, I love, I adore men Plavix. Sorry if I gave you the wrong impression!

      Yes, we are all guilty to a certain point sumosalesman.

      Exactly SweetiePie, you got it! The fact that your man looks at another woman should not affect your self esteem, it is nothing to do with you it is just a trait that men have and only some of them can control. And like you point out, not all men are like that.

      Hi Lucy83, I am not being sexist and NO I would not go out with a 5 feet tall man. I am too shallow for that. The thing about women is that we don't just judge a man for his physical attributes, for women socio-economical status is also very important and even an aphrodisiac. You don't see many men going out with women just for their money, but you do see lots of young girls going out with men based only on their wallets!

      Is that honest enough?

    • Lucy83 profile image

      Lucy83 8 years ago

      You should call it 5 horrible truths about PEOPLE. Why be sexist about it?

      I think women are every bit as shallow as men if not more so. Or are you going to tell me that you'd go out with a 5foot tall guy?

      As for marriage, well would you marry if it brought so many risks, obligations and restrictions to your life? I think not. I'm surprised so many men go for marriage considering that they only loose from it.

      All the other points are the same for both sexes.

      Like you said Anath, LETS BE HONEST.

    • SweetiePie profile image

      SweetiePie 8 years ago from Southern California, USA

      The good news is these five horrible truths about men cannot, and should not, impact your self esteem. Not all men do these things too, which is good!

    • sumosalesman profile image

      sumosalesman 8 years ago from Somersworth New Hampshire

      And women use men for babies and homes and screen out people for their body language. The human race is shallow and warped all around.

    • profile image

      Plavix 8 years ago from http://members.ebay.com.au/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewUserPage&userid=nick09medv

      Why you don't like men?

    • jim10 profile image

      jim10 8 years ago from ma

      Well I voted but, I don't think I really fit in here. I fell in love with my wife in high school. Had kids early and figured mine as well get married too. The only profile I fit here is that I would have loved her just as much and it wouldn't have mattered if I we didn't get married. Well I guess it is nice that she has my last name now. Oh and I guess I do look at bOObs before the personality. But, doesn't everybody?

    • Mocha Momma profile image

      Mocha Momma 8 years ago from DMV Metro Area (DC, Maryland, Virginia)

      Anath,

      Great hub. I know what the intent is when you wrote this one, as all of these do not apply to every man, but men (from my male friends mouths have all said they are shallow and base things initially on the physical attributes of a woman)...

      I hope that the men reading this do not take offense, as this hub was not intended for that, it's just that there are a lot of women out there that lie to themselves about certain men.

      Another thing to mention, in the commitment component is a man is not going to settle down/propose to you if he is not where he feels he should be at in his life... Meaning, if he doesn't have everything aligned, (career/title/finances), he's definitely not going to be in the mindset of marriage... No matter how long the relationship has gone on...

    • profile image

      troyseph0 8 years ago from 68502

      This hub is terrible. Women do it too! Women cheat, women judge men on physical appearance, women use men for sex. Women only want relationships because of social pressure. Men don't have a natural inclination for marriage because marriage is not natural. That's what I think!

    • Vizey profile image

      Vizey 8 years ago

      3.- Men judge you based on your physical attributes.. very true :) enjoyed your hub.. keep posting :)

    • Anath profile image
      Author

      Anath 8 years ago

      Do not feel insecure donotfear. Not all men are like this, and in any event, knowing that men cheat in a search for variety gives you the opportunity to introduce variety yourself so he doesn't need to look outside for it.

      Thank you one2recognize2.

      Just because has used women and enjoys looking at her curves doesn't mean that he will cheat emievil.

      John Matrix, thank you for such an indepth analysis, I feel privileged that you have taken so much time to analyse the points I made here.

      Lisa, I have no problem talking about my weight... but what is the relevance of my weight here?

      Thanks Sandi.

      There are too many variables to take into account Scott and that is why not all men behave this way and why some women do behave this way. At the end, that is what make US so interesting, we are all individuals we our own values and history.

    • profile image

      Scott.Life 8 years ago

      I have been guilty of 2 and 3, but I think it would have been more accurate for you to say some men, or even many, but the fact is not all men engage in the behavior you describe in fact most do not. A man can not get away with any of the things you mentioned above without having a willing female partner. Women know when a man is really into them or not, whether they choose to acknowledge that is another story.

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      Sandi 3m 8 years ago

      I thaught this was great and right on. It is true that some women have some of these same qualities, from what I have seen from relationships of everyone I know, it is more usually the man.

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      johnmatrix 8 years ago from Timbuktu

      The problem with all of your questions are they are confirmation bias set ups.

      1. Have you ever used a women ONLY for sex?

      Yes, BUT they also used me to fulfill her sexual fantasies and requirments too. It was always mutual....in fact...many times I felt pressured to service a woman....and being the empath that I am, I did it out of sympathy for them, and felt good about helping them out afterwards too. DO you see how your Yes or No question is loaded to prejudice men now?

      2. Have you ever said to a woman "I am not ready for a relationship" when you really meant "not ready for a relationship with you"?

      WHat difference does it make if I say I am not ready, or I am not ready to have it with you? Take the hint and don't push it for crying out loud.

      Another loaded question designed to prejudice men who answer it honestly without an opportunity to explain.

      3. The first thing you notice about a woman is:

      The first thing people with eyesight notice about anyone upon first meeting them is their physical appearance such as face, hair, clothing, height, weight, musculature, symetry, proportions, and other physical attributess. Then as you get closer you notice finer details incuding odors.

      Then as you begin to talk to them you size up their intelligence, their ability to articulate, their sensitivity to others, their ego, knowledge, wisdom, philosophy on life, relationships, marriage, the kind of food they like, their interests, activities....oh...and their bank accounts.....let's not forget that!!

      4. Have you ever cheated on a woman you love?

      Another loaded question that does not take into account that women manipulate and abuse men emotionally by using sex as a weapon. Women know the kind of power they have over men, and many use that power improperly.

      My answer, Yes, HOWEVER, only because she used sex as a weapon to manipulate me and I could see the marriage was going down the tubes because of that dominance and manipulation.

      I understand it's difficult to find a marriage partner for a lot of people. A lot of times it's due to a persons own negative attitude, an over inflated self image, not caring about what they look like(overweight, poorly dressed, poor grooming habits, low self esteem, cigarette smoking, drug using, acne) or not having learned about the elements that make a relationship stand the test of time.

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      Lisa 8 years ago

      How much do you weigh?

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      johnmatrix 8 years ago from Timbuktu

      My comment above is submitted respectfully of course, and I would like nothing more than to discuss this further with you some time.

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      John Matrix 8 years ago

      I would like to make some honest comments based on my experience, introspection, and observations.

      1. Quoting You: "It is not a secret that men can have sex with women for whom they have no feelings for."

      I have met many women who can have sex with men that they not only have no feelings for, but who they are not even physically attracted to, and they have sex with them while not even being aroused. Prostitutes for example?

      2. Quoting You: "Men do not like to go without sex, and if they are in need for it they will take any available women willing to satisfy their sexual desires."

      It's true that "Healthy" men do not like to go without sex.....but that also applies to women as well. Prostitutes have sex with men that they are not attracted to all the time. I have been picked up from male stripper bars many times by women who just wanted sex with no strings.

      3. Quoting You: "Unlike women who most of the time link sex to love, men make love to women for different reasons like merely to satisfy a physical need, or because they feel lonely or even just to satisfy their ego."

      Women do the same thing. I've seen it over and over again. I've experienced it even in Christian churches. One night I received a phone call from a 26 year old (very attractive) single mom from the church I was attending. I have no clue how she got my phone number. Anyway, we talked for a while and she ended up coming to my apartment. We talked some more and then ended up making bim bam! We only had a casual relationship after that....which was friendly and mutual. I let her take the lead if she wanted sex.

      If a wife or husband is denying their spouse sex, they should expect their spouse to look elsewhere sooner or later.

      4. Quoting You: "Unlike women who most of the time link sex to love, men make love to women for different reasons like merely to satisfy a physical need, or because they feel lonely or even just to satisfy their ego."

      Many women are intelligent enough not to link sex with love. Sex is sex. Love is love. Sex is an appetite that life depends on, just as life depends on our eating food. Without sex there would be no life, but life exists without love. Life without love is a miserable state. Life without sex is also a miserable state and it leads to all kinds of problems.

      I have experienced shallow sexual relationships with women who were only looking for sex with someone they found reasonably sexually attracted to...without any love involved. I who would go to the male stripper bars to meet women, and what I observed and experienced would probably make you pull your hair out for having made a lot of your statements in this hub if I were to reveal it here!!

      It's a fact of life that men and women are attracted to each other(most are), but after after having sex once or twice, and after getting to know them a bit better, all kinds of things can happen to cause them to not want a serious relationship. A few examples: A guy meets a woman that he is attracted to mentally, physically, spiritually, etc. He might think she is beautiful....but then....sees her in a dress and discovers she has zero lower leg development(no calves)....BAM!! Something is triggered in his sub conscious and there is no way he can see himself married to her. It could be bad breath, crooked teeth, eye color, a missing toe on your right foot, a scar on your belly from surgery, skinny thighs, big butt, a flat chest, incompatible associations with organizations, your friends, your family, your philosophy on life, etc. that triggers this response. It works both ways and applies to both genders. I personally have been the one rejected many times, and I also was the one telling the other person that I don't want a serious relationship....many times.

      We all have certain niche interests that can cause us to be attracted and certain niche incompatibility with others that cause them to back away.

      I learned to curb my expectations and go with the flow. If a woman only wanted me around to fulfill her sexual passions now and then, I was fine with it. And I admit that there were women that I spent time with while knowing that I had no interest in a long term relationship with them. It has to be a mutual understanding based on honesty and respect for the others feelings. I never led anyone on in order to get sex. If I was not interested in them as a sole mate, I would explain that to them. I would flat out tell a woman that they should continue searching for Mr. Right BUT, in the meantime, if they wanted to meet as friends and satisfy each others sexual needs, go out for dinner and chat about things going on in their lives, etc. I would enjoy that.

      If you find yourself chasing or stalking someone and you find that you are always doing the calling, pursuing, etc. then that person is not right for you.

      On the other hand, if you find your new friend is becoming a leach, getting in your way, bothering you, smothering you, stalking, etc. they are not right for you.

      When it's the right sole mate, you won't be feeling like you are being stalked or pursued, or like you are the one doing the pursuing, because you won't be able to get enough of each other.

      6. Quoting You: "Most men know at the start of a relationship what type of relationship they are going to have with that woman. Very rarely a torrid sexual relationship without attachments turns into a love story."

      This is true for both genders....not just men.

      6. Quoting You: "If you ever have the impression that a man is just using you for sex, probably you are right."

      This also works both ways. But come on.....let's get real here. Women and men are portrayed as sexual objects in films and media all the time.....ads for candy, chocolate, chewing gum, ladies underwear, jeans, make-up, weight loss products, exercise products, perfume, camera's, cars, etc. etc. all exploit and objectify women and men as sexual objects. Why do you think that is? It's because it's that is a very big part of what we are. In fact, I would love to have someone around that I am attracted to who considers me a sexual object. Of course, it should go without even having to say it, that we are more than that. But without sex, you won't have a marriage for long, unless both partners have no interest in sex, but the love remains.

      I don't have the time to deal with every point you made on this thread. But. Every single point you made can also be applied to women. It would be more correct to say, "some women and some men" do this or that, but stop blaming men exclusively!!

      Your comments do nothing to bridge the gender gap, and I fear that impressionable minds, could be infected by what you have stated.

      Remember, there are more North American men living today who have been brought up by single moms than there have been in the past. If men are such a problem, maybe you should look at what single moms are teaching them...or not teaching them.

    • emievil profile image

      emievil 8 years ago from Philippines

      Hey Anath, you wrote quite a hub here. I was actually more interested in the results of your poll and I can't help but notice that majority of them are guilty of what you wrote :). But the last poll on staying faithful got me mystified, because majority who answered says they never cheated on the woman that they love - after they admitted to using women only for sex and looking first at their boobs and being afraid of a relationship. The results are kind of inconsistent. Either different guys answered the questions or same guys answered and they turned over a new leaf or same guys answered and they're not telling the whole truth :).

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      one2recognize2 8 years ago from New York

      Great hub, and wonderful feedback. Congrats... I look forward to reading more.

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      donotfear 8 years ago from The Boondocks

      I wish I wouldn't have read this..now I feel really insecure.

    • Anath profile image
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      Anath 8 years ago

      Thank you for such an honest comment fratjoe18. As I said before, not all men are the same, but at least the ones I know are mostly like the ones I portray. And despite that... I still love them!

    • fratjoe18 profile image

      fratjoe18 8 years ago from Bluffton, SC

      I hate to admit it, but everything that you have discussed is absolutely correct, but this only applies to most men, not all men. There are some rare male fishes out in the sea that will be faithful, and will be the prince of her dreams, but I have never seen it. My mother and father have been married for 26 years, but I see him looking up porn all the time, and they fight all the time, but they stay together, because that is what they are use to. My brother is a cheater, and I am a witness to this. It disgusts me, because his wife knows that it has happened on 3 different occasions, but she stays with him for financial security. I believe that men use women for sex, because when a man meets a woman, even though she might have beautiful eyes, and a man constantly compliments her. At the end of the night, when he goes back home alone, he is thinking of what it would be like to sleep with her. A man is constantly thinking how good is she in bed?, When it comes to marriage, it just signifies that sex is permanent, but when a man gets that confidence of being loved by a woman for so long, He ventures out sometimes, and will sleep with another women, because he becomes curious, or he is falling out of love with his wife, but he does not want to admit that to himself. Men who have low self esteem, or are a little insecure about themselves will almost every time say that if they found a woman they love , they would never cheat, or do anything wrong to hurt her. These men are watching too many fiction love story movies. Life and love is not an instant happy ever after. It takes a lot of hard work, but its human nature to slip up, even women cheat on their men to feel that fantasy she has always dreamed about. So to conclude this, most men do think what you have written, but there are men who are not like that, Are there? I don't know, but there might be, somewhere in this world. Only a man in his heart knows if he has never done anything wronng to a woman. We can never judge, but we go by what we are shown in life, and different experiences.

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      fratjoe18 8 years ago from Bluffton, SC

      I know a lot of men will disagree, but there probably just trying to make themselves look perfect. Men.... no man is perfect, and that is definitely true with relationships mostly. I will always be honest, and that is life.

    • Anath profile image
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      Anath 8 years ago

      Unbelievable James!!! glad you clarified that it was not to the same woman ;-)

    • James A Watkins profile image

      James A Watkins 8 years ago from Chicago

      Not me! I've been married all of my life since age 18—just not to the same woman. I'm a serial marryer. :)

    • Anath profile image
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      Anath 8 years ago

      LOL... Yes, some of us migh come from Mars Raven. I don't see why a woman would want to commit herself for the rest of her best years to only ONE man...

      Thank you James :)

      I think there are only a very few men -I have not men one yet- that think about marriage as something they need to do. As far as i can see, most men try to delay the "tragic" date as much as possible wandererh

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      David Lim 8 years ago from Singapore

      i think that, on the whole, women are as guilty as men. However, regarding #5, I think that's more exclusively a men thing. I am sure that getting married is on the "to do" lists of many women, I don't think it features at all on the lists of most men. :)

    • James A Watkins profile image

      James A Watkins 8 years ago from Chicago

      I'd say you have a clear perception of reality. And a beautiful avatar. Thanks.

    • Raven King profile image

      Raven King 8 years ago from Cabin Fever

      Cool hub Anath!

      But I disagree with # 5.

      I never wanted to get hitched, simply never fantasized about it. Some women might be from Mars?

    • Anath profile image
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      Anath 8 years ago

      LOL... That is only for you to tell us Jess ;-)

      Thanks fortunerep, glad you enjoyed it!

    • fortunerep profile image

      fortunerep 8 years ago from North Carolina

      and there we have the truth, great hub

      dori

    • Jess Killmenow profile image

      Jess Killmenow 8 years ago from Nowheresville, Eastern United States

      I'm only guilty of 2 for 5. Does that mean I'm only 40 percent male?

    • Anath profile image
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      Anath 8 years ago

      Yes Stacey it is important to keep things into perspective, not all men are like this and some women can behave this way too. I think it depends a lot on cultural backgrounds.

      You are welcome lchietenburger, I like being straight forward!