A Clothes Rippin', Hair Pullin' Throw Down?
That's Just Scratching An Itch!
This is liable to go anywhere so watch out. The subject is people, usually of the opposite sex, relationships, cultivating a relationship and some times having to try to give it a decent burial that is often not possible due to the personalities of the people involved, their upbringing and their values.
Remember when you first met? Do you remember how you first met? Crazy questions I know but this is going somewhere so hang on tight. Ideally there was a mental connection that was established first, rather than a physical one. Now that this isn’t to say that a mutual physical attraction isn’t nice to have and important. But what lies beneath the surface seems to have more importance as I grow older and wiser. Being The Frog Prince, I am appreciative of “eye candy.” There is nothing like having a nice looking babe riding behind me on my Big Iron Horse. But I can ride alone just as well.
The "mental connection" is what I believe is important. It better be. I call it the "click" and not the click of the lock on the bedroom door. It’s nice to have a clothes ripping, hair pulling throw down in the bedroom, the kitchen, on the dining room table or wherever flips your switch but then what? I like that action just like many people do. There is life after lust though. Minds, and compatibility of the minds, beats the heck out of anything I have ever experienced. It has always been quite phenomenal when I connect with the other person’s thoughts and feelings rather than just at our hips.
I have also fallen into the trap before, not very recently I’ll tell you, and the eye candy routine wasn't worth the grief. Being 60 years old now, I’ll warn you younger studs and studesses off that gig. It isn’t enough, not by any means. What are you going to talk about after you exit the boudoir? You just going to sit there and eye each others candy? How sickeningly sweet of the two of you.
Have you ever experienced knowing someone you have never met? I use an expression a bit here and there and it goes like this, “You know what you know when you know it.” That’s part of life to me and has been for years. It centers around instinct, but it also involves having trust in other people. After a couple of bad experiences many people just shut that door. I believe that is a big mistake. It’s a mind thing put in simpler terms. The sad thing is that in reality there are few people that “you just know what you know…” Even sadder is when you blow off that feeling. I have before and I often wonder what could have been if, and only if, I had listened to what my soul was telling me. I won’t go there this time as that is intensely personal and not something I divulge too often to anyone.
I’m not exactly “Dear Abby.” I‘m far off of that mark. But when it comes down to it, I know what has to now be paramount in establishing any relationship. First, you have to begin as friends and get to know what the other person feels and thinks. Is there that mental connection? In other words, the lines of communication have to be wide open and no hiding anything important behind the curtain for later. That’s the mental connection. If it isn’t there then my “Dear Abby” advice is, “Keep on moving until you find it.” If it’s there but if you ignore it then you might need a kick in the rear and a howdy do to boot.
Yes, a clothes rippin', hair pullin' throw down can be quite nice. But then what? There is more to life and relationships than just getting your cookies off. Just some words of wisdom from a wise, old bull frog.
Here's a head scratcher. Is it possible to find another who loves you for who you are rather than who they want you to be? I'm just askin...
RIBBIT, RIBBIT…
I'm hoping, not hopping but hoping, for some thought provoking comments here.
Hmmmm....
Comments
Can someone love another for who they are rather than who they are desired to be? Why, yes. Yes indeed! But that comes with vested maturity and life-long experience. As adolescents, we tend to idolize our opposite sex parent. We see them as super heroes commanding every corner of our world. We are blinded by the fantasy that mommy or daddy can fix anything not to our liking. Fathers now raise daughters to be spoiled princess wannabe's who refuse to take "no" for an answer, refuse to truly have a strong character (rather than just a facade of one) and are taught that if it turns out to be different than first appeared, just walk away. Then those daughters turn into the wives husbands loathe. Mothers now raise sons who are lazy, irresponsible, crude and disrespectful. We as parents have created a generation of entitled brats. As teens, we form attachments based solely on looks. Who's the hottest babe in school? Who will make me look better? Teens nowadays change "love" interests more often than their underwear. They don't even stay "together" long enough to form an attachment. And so, the idea of "throwaway partners" is planted. As young adults, we are either too busy trying to get ahead and be someone useful (pleasing the self), or we are engrossed in pleasing everyone else (enabler). Either way, a true relationship cannot be built. In mid-adulthood, we are raising children, paying mortgages, keeping up with the Jones's. While by this point we may have actually identified and connected "love" with our partner, we have little time, energy, or desire to nurture it. So it wilts and eventually dies. Here we must remember what we've already learned and practiced: it's easier to throw it away and start over than to work out the dents and dings. Because we're "entitled" to have happiness delivered to us in a silken bag tied neatly with a satin ribbon. So we bobble along life's roads through trial and error and trials and tribulation. Somewhere in middle age, we begin to think that maybe, just maybe, it's the "I" part of "Us" who isn't exactly as we should be. It takes awhile longer to dwell upon the idea and clarify our thoughts. Then it tends to just smack us in the face no holds barred. "Whoa! What the hell?You mean if I hadn't have done xyz things could've been different? If I HAD done abc the outcome would've been !!!" Well holy crap. We've basically reached the age of "old" and are beginning to understand who we are. Once past middle age, we can usually acknowledge that "eye candy" is just that. Once our vision fogs, it ain't so sweet as before. Then there's that middle age paunchy gut. C'mon, how sexy is that? And bald? Tsk, tsk. The mans belly hangs to his scrotum. The lady's breasts hang to her waist. But what is that? There in the eyes? Is that adoration? (Teens don't know that). And what about there, in the finger tips? Is that gentleness? How about that caress? The one that lingers, lovingly, but isn't intended to stir for the sake of self-gratification? So yes, it is possible. After accepting one's self and acknowledging our own shortcomings, we can truly love another as they are. Paunchy gut and all.
- AUTHOR
Harvey - I won't touch it either. I delete things that have no bearing on the subject.
The Frog
Froggy, I'm certainly not going to touch what the Princess said.
I can say is that I've been married almost 34 years. The years before that, and the beginning of our courtship everything was "WILD!" Many won't believe double figures a day, depend whom I was with. I'm two years older than you, and things do change. I am so comfortable with my wife, that I feel good just knowing she is in the house. It's so difficult to put into words, until you experience it. I haven't forgotten about the old "in-out! H
This is the most honest and funny Hub I have read so far! Thank you Frog. I really appreciate the fact that you are a real person and not afraid to be who you are.
Of my seven marriages (including #7 ongoing, with Pam), there was only a true LACK in the mental connection department with just one lady...and I STILL divorced 6 of 'em before finally "settling down" with my redhead.
But then, I'm probably just overly picky by nature.
You nailed it, Frog. It isn't only love that is important in a relationship. In addition to being "in love" with someone, you also need to be "in like" with that person. It's always worked for me.
Me and Mrs. Squirrel are so in love we adopted our grand-daughter.
Great hub my friend. I have finally met someone who is as honest and straightforward as the day is long. I came into this relationship with my eyes wide open knowing her medical condition could make for a very short life together. We take one day at a time and thank the Good Lord for giving it to us. We schedule her first surgery the 27th and hope all goes well. I was single for 21 years thinking there wasn't anyone out there for me but she popped into my life and I am happier than ever. I think the hardships of the past made me treasure this one even more. Keep musing and putting it on paper for us. I enjoy your work regardless of the subject. DV
Great hub and commentary Frog. I think people are initially attracted for lustful (sinful!) feelings:) lol but my husband kept me interested for his humor and how calm he always is, how different - but it is his niceness that keeps me sticking like velcro!
Well I have to stop laughing to think, that was a good one, about the wine!
Seriously we all really know the answer I think. We go on appearance if we can choose, desperation if we can't. Neither is good. I think years ago and maybe even today girls can't wait to get married to get away from parents and have freedom. Haha. The guy loves the beautiful sexy kitten. Haha. Life grabs us pretty quick when she has to start washing Matt Dillon's underwear and taking over for his mommy; while he sees a different side to Miss Kitty when she ain't down at the saloon in her push ups! We all get old but how long does it take us to realize it will really happen to us too? If we all had enough sense to look at a persons heart and not their face...or anything else! I for one believe marriage was meant to be forever and there is no excuse for divorce other than adultery. For ones who have no such belief I can't see why on earth they get married. I think there are maybe a handful of people who only have eyes for each other forever but for most determined to make things work it is not always an easy battle no matter how hard we try. Usually there is a giver and there is a taker and that is the way it is. You do the best you can until he sees he can't live without you and that he can trust you with his heart....or hers.
Prince,I know that you mostly write political material, but I have enjoyed getting to know you a little better. You have a nice easy style discussing emotive issues, you should treat us more often. I kinda like the mellow green of the Frog Prince.
Thanks for sharing this about a long happy marriage. I laughed until I almost peed my pants. LOL!!!!
You are always in my thoughts and prayers.
- AUTHOR
Maria - I haven't ever really left. There are just a lot of irons in the fire right now that keep me busy. You know I write about politics mainly. Right now there isn't really much to write about but needing to change the babies diapers in Washington. So, in a more reflective mood this morning and having the time, I thought I'd throw this out on the table for discussion. So far, so good!
b. malin- Thanks for your encouragement and tell Lover Man the Frog sends a thumbs up. Obviously he has a winner in you.
TFTP - Good to see you. A very good quote if one bothers to really think about it.
Alan - I don't remember asking but what the hell! Cheers and bottoms up!
Wow, great responses, Prince. I believe the heat of wild abandon in bed is achieved with trust. Without that, its difficult to be real enough for much beyond playacting.
FP you are a Prince indeed and nice to see that we men do know that lust is transient, love may be forwver but liking someone and sharing good and bad is what builds relationships on a solid footing.
Have one on me, mines a good malt whisky if your asking.
Cheers
Alan
You were hoping, not hopping but hoping, for some thought provoking comments... so this quickly came to mind:
"We get too soon old and too late smart." ~ Pennsylvania Dutch proverb
Froggy
I couldn't agree with you more; sorry to say I'm past the eye candy stage and struggle daily for commonality!
You have to have "Things" in common after the Hot Sex in order to last a Life Time...and you have to give the other person a Fair chance...No Skeletons hiding in the closet, no balancing act. (two for the price of one). Above all (we are a Second Marriage) be Friends as well as Lovers. Very Good Hub Froggy, and if you follow your own Rules, she is OUT THERE! LOL.
I'm smiling that you are back, dear friend! I shall call you "DEAR Fabby...", and I voted UP/ all the way across the buttons...! Love this and you, mar!
Ahhh shoot..I thought I was hiding them...lol
Dear Frog,
In most cases with each other, in others, sadly, with others.
Okay I'm done blushin...lol
- AUTHOR
Sunnie - Exactly. If your partner runs during the difficult times then take a look see at what the heck is really going on. Blush away woman! LMAO
Tom - I've dealt with a lot and I'm not dealing with pain and heartbreak but reality. I wrote this because, in the past, I have done my thinking with the wrong part of my anatomy. It's that simple and it presents problems on down the line.
The Frog
Big Frog,
Sorry to hear the lady frogs are givin ya static. Pain-heartbreak-comes with the territory that territory is dating-love life and chicken wings- ( OOPSNo thats heartburn-sorry) but if your looking for advice-I could write pages for you
TH
This is truly refreshing and so nice coming from a man..The lust can only carry you so far..throw in some hard times, sickness, or any other problem life throws at you and the rubber meets the road..That is where the true colors come out and if that person has any substance at all..Give me a warm hug, a cup of coffee, a stroll on the beach, with deep conversation and it will hold me much longer than just a lustful relationship..what is so great though..if you have that deep substance the romp in the hay is not so bad either..
:) Sunnie day signing out with a little blushing going on..lol
Great Hub for all. You are a Prince..
- AUTHOR
Alan - Every once in a while you love someone but you don't "like" them. I remember times when my Mother laid the old, "I love you but right now I don't like you." That was usually based upon my actions, not hers.
BPOP - Good sex lives with each other or other people? Curious Frog, aren't I? I'm just askin...
Longhunter - Don't be sorry. After all these years as TFP, I'm used to it. LOL
the bluestar - I don't get a warm fuzzy about the soul mate issue. I believe that you may have more than one trotting around out there. I also have a firm belief that often they are revealed to us and we let it whistle right by us.
The Frog
Ahhh well now this is where I drop my full honest desire for passion lol in favour of a comfy reliable pair of slippers. I agree that out of friendship evolves a relationship of much more stability and enrichment. My ex husband was my soul mate and even though we divorced for reasons of incompatibility,(I wanted children and he didn't) we still are the best of friends. Passion and lust is fantastic and romance even better, but nothing bonds as well as a truly emotive connection, that is where the true love making starts. Nice thought provoking hub Prince, glad you shared.
Truer words were never spoken when it comes to establishing a long-term relationship.
It's funny how much more I have in common with my second wife than I did my first. The physical attraction is there. There should be. She's 22 years younger than me. But she's also mature far beyond her years and can actually have an intelligent conversation about us, life, and what's going on in the world. It's the best of both worlds that I don't think young people are aware needs to exist in a lasting relationship.
Good hub, Froggy! (Sorry! Couldn't resist.)
I agree, it can't be any other way if a relationship is going to last. Attraction may start it off but if that's all there is, keep on moving. I can't tell you how many people I know who have lousy marriages but great sex lives. What's wrong with this picture? Plenty...
Hi Jim
I like the 3 L analogy Like, Love and Lust and the last of thise 3 burns out to a gentle ember, the middle one hopefully stays aglow but the first one is paramount as it is that connection, the barain and values that really matter so I am with you on this all the way and great blog.
This is so true. It is important to have chemistry but so much more is the meeting of one's minds! Great hub
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