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Affair Proof Your Marriage

Updated on August 31, 2011

Now Comes the Hard Part

Many couples think the hard part of a relationship is finding that someone they wouldn't mind spending the rest of their lives with. While that really can be a difficult thing for a lot of people, it's only the beginning. The hard work doesn't stop at the exchange of "I do's." That's just when it's time to buckle down, brace yourself and get ready for that roller coaster ride of your life. Now's the time where it's most important to give it everything you have.


Get Ready to Blend

Okay, so now you're meshing two lives into one. Not as easy as one might think. You have two separate personalities with different likes and dislikes. Even the most seemingly compatible people will have some differences of opinion. So you need to agree to disagree sometimes and allow your partner to be themselves. After-all, that is the person you fell inlove with, right?

Don't go into a partnership like this and expect to change all those bad habits or annoying behaviors that get on your nerves. You wouldn't like it if your partner did this to you, so don't expect them to feel any differently. The only person you can change in any relationship is yourself.

Good Guidelines for A Strong Relationship

That said, there are some obvious no-no's that should not be tolerated. Most enter a marriage with the expectation of monogamy. They also have the expectation of a give-and-take pattern. Here are some basic rules for keeping your marriage healthy and reducing the potential for anyone being unfaithful:

  • Sit down together and talk about what your expectations for your marriage are. Ideally, this should happen before that exchange of rings, but it can happen any time after that. This is a very important part of marriage and it's a great way to start your communication.
  • Respect one another. Differences or no, it's important that you try to see things from your spouse's point of view. There's always more than one side to an issue and you can't navigate through things successfully without knowing what all those sides are.
  • Don't resort to character assassination when having an argument. Stay on topic. You're not going to have the result you want if you're calling each other names or ridiculing each other. If you find yourself at the brink of resorting to that behavior, it's time to take a breather before going any further in the discussion.
  • If you wouldn't do it in front of your spouse, or wouldn't want them to know about it, don't do it at all. This is the biggest way people get into trouble and end up finding themselves at the doorway of an affair. Earn and keep that trust your partner has in you.
  • Don't stop trying to make your spouse feel special. Too often people think that once they've "caught the object" of their desires that they can relax and not try anymore. It's so important that you don't fall into being lazy in a relationship. Keep showing interest in your partner. Make them feel loved, desired, special, important. This can be as simple as writing little notes for them to find, doing something for them to make their day easier, a touch, compliment, endearment, etc.

  • Don't let your marriage slide down your priority list. Once you start putting other things first, then it becomes a habit and it's done without thinking about the consequences. If you're feeling like this is happening in your relationship, get with your spouse and talk to them about how this can be changed. The biggest decisions should be made together and all other decisions should be made in consideration of each other.
  • Don't make excuses for infidelity. It's not okay. If you're at that point in your marriage where it's become a temptation, then it's time to communicate more with your spouse. If that's not possible, and the relationship can't be saved, then get out of it before moving on with someone else.
  • Remember that you teach people how to treat you. You deserve love and respect too. If you accept anything less than that, then you're telling people that you don't care about or need it. Make sure the partner that you choose values you!
  • Be the kind of spouse you'd want to have. That age old adage "do unto others as you'd have others do unto you" is true!

It's a Marathon!

Go into a marriage with the knowledge that this is a marathon and not a sprint. It's hard work, but the rewards are endless. Even if you get off track, you can get back to where you want to be. Don't forget why you chose each other to begin with. Remember what brought you together and think of those things when times are tough. When done right, you end up with a lover, best friend, confidante and your biggest supporter in all the world.

Share Your Thoughts...

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    • ameliejan profile image

      ameliejan 6 years ago from Alicante, Spain

      I thought this was very interesting!

    • Rebecca E. profile image

      Rebecca E. 7 years ago from Canada

      nell-- I read this and I wish I read it months.. no years ago. I thank you for this. I am certain it will help me later.

    • nell79 profile image

      nell79 7 years ago from United States

      I wonder if you read this article all the way through or just had an issue with the title? If both parties in a marriage followed these guidelines then an affair wouldn't happen. I've been married for 15 years. Some of those years were much easier than others. We're learning together what works and what doesn't. It's a constant process and one we're continuously working on. The bottom line is, if you've found a partner you value and respect and they respect and value you too, then you're going to do the best you can to work together and find happiness with each other.

      Everyone is capable of cheating under just the right (or wrong) circumstances if they've stopped working on their marriages. Yes, there are people who are serial cheaters. In those cases (and most cases are not like that statistically) there's not much to be done other than walking away. As I stated in my article, the only person you can change is YOU. But this article is not about those serial cheaters. This article is for BOTH parties in a marriage who are looking to be successful in making their marriage last and growing to love one another more.

      Most would not take issue with any of the advice given here. It's been tested and proven to work time and again. The problem is, too many people these days are looking for the easy route, which is nonexistent in a marriage.

      Thanks for taking the time to stop by and share your thoughts :)

    • profile image

      Yolandatark 7 years ago

      Affair proof a marriage, that is a joke. Cheating has nothing to do with the person being cheated on. The one that is doing the cheating has personal issues that need to be addressed. The issues will continue with all relationships until that person comes to terms with their problem.

    • nell79 profile image

      nell79 7 years ago from United States

      Thank you, nighthag. I'm hoping it will be useful to couples out there and maybe get that divorce rate down. I'm an eternal optimist! ;-)

    • nighthag profile image

      K.A.E Grove 7 years ago from Australia

      A wonderful hub, filled with insightful information great for couples at any stage of their reltionship, voting it up!