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How To Start Over When You've Been Deceived

Updated on January 19, 2013

Have you ever been deceived by the man you love or someone you trusted?

Many trusting women end up with broken hearts because they continually choose traits that are merely familiar, not healthy.

If all you've ever known were men with broken pasts, chances are, you'll continue the pattern of choosing the same type over and over. Until you learn to break the pattern of bad choices, you'll continue to make the same mistakes and end up getting hurt again.

Wouldn't you like to experience a normal, healthy relationship where you don't have to guess the next move he or she will make? It's time to look inside yourself and find out why.

How Can You Change The Unhealthy Patterns?

Close your eyes for a moment and ask yourself, "What do I get out of this relationship that makes me happy?" Think about your response closely. Is it fulfillment? Is it lasting security? If your answer is "...he makes me feel [blank] or [blank]", you may be associating with the feel-good emotions, instead of the healthy, solid traits.

So what are the healthy solid traits? Compatibility, compassion for others, responsibility for self. Trust-worthiness is the most important. Do you ignore the inconsistencies in his stories, the little white lies? This is a warning sign. You've got to re-train yourself to STOP and go no further in the relationship when these things become evident. The longer you go, the harder it will be to break from the relationship.

A Woman Who Was deceived

I'd like to share something with you. These are the words of a woman who had the same unhealthy patterns of attaching herself to abandoning, decieving men. Once she saw the truth in herself and accepted, acknowledged, and owned it, she was able to allow herself to gain control and re-train herself to search for healthy traits in men.

""Opening eyes

Seeing truth, Coming out of deception.

A feeling of regret, humiliation, sadness.

Two sides in the mind, Opposing magnets;

One pulls toward the deception

That seemed real. The other toward truth

Which was stark and painful.

Deception was a fantasy based on subliminal manipulation.

Truth became known after inaction. The sudden realization

That craftiness made the fantasy a sham

Hit like a wave of heat. The heart recalls excitement.

The mind longs for lost passion that was actually False trickery.

The senses yearn for a touch That never came.

Logic ruled in the face of knowledge. Now open eyes and truth are one.

Help For Recognizing Bad Relationships

Below, you will find links to several sites that offer help for getting over bad relationships, healing from deception, and learning better association traits to help you distinguish the 'healthy' from the 'unhealthy' traits.

Remember, you are your own best friend. You dont' need another person to make you whole. You are whole on your own. Love yourself.

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    • RecoverToday profile image
      Author

      RecoverToday 3 years ago from United States

      Honey, run...don't walk to an exit! Deception, only weekends, texting only. Keeping secrets...all warning signs!! Run baby run!

    • profile image

      Sands 3 years ago

      7 years and four attempts at making it work but now it's over again as yet again I find out about the deception. We only spent weekends together although spoke and texted all day every day, he lives close to me but works unsociable hours. He declares his love for me but keeps secrets and give me half truths. He came to me wanting guidance and love he never had and he took and deceived but now I've had enough. Still hurts though, thought we were growing together, seems not.

    • RecoverToday profile image
      Author

      RecoverToday 4 years ago from United States

      anna:

      Thank you for your input.

    • profile image

      anna 4 years ago

      good story for my situation. thank you so much.

    • RecoverToday profile image
      Author

      RecoverToday 4 years ago from United States

      Classicgirl:

      I'm sorry you're going through this. I can tell you are crushed. I promise you won't always hurt this bad. Hang in there!

    • profile image

      Classicsgirl 4 years ago

      I was engaged for Three Years! And he just left me yesterday...because he couldn't move to my state...he agreed to it ...but then ...he turned back on his word...and didn't keep it...he even said to move our wedding date further down...just in case. Yes, this is not easy...i've been decieved..and now i feel abandoned...i thought true ...he would fight for our love...

    • RecoverToday profile image
      Author

      RecoverToday 5 years ago from United States

      Didge, thank you very much.

    • Didge profile image

      Didge 5 years ago from Southern England

      Incredible hub RecoverToday! Nice post.

    • RecoverToday profile image
      Author

      RecoverToday 5 years ago from United States

      KDee: I am sorry you had the rug pulled out from under you. You certainly did not deserve it! I am glad you have moved on and I certainly like the idea of a First Wive's club!

    • profile image

      Denise 5 years ago

      everything about being deceived, as written by the author here, is So true.

    • KDee411 profile image

      KDee411 5 years ago from Bay Area, California

      Good story, yes your moving on. I was deceived after a 38 year marriage. I had stayed home raising our 7 kids. After the last two were out of school , BANG without warring the big D. He and the secretary had everything in CONDEDO!.

      Drop by Ladies we'll start a First Wife's Club. LOL good Hub. But please don't ask me to forgive. I'm too old for that. Kay

    • RecoverToday profile image
      Author

      RecoverToday 6 years ago from United States

      Thank you heart4theword.

    • heart4theword profile image

      heart4theword 6 years ago from hub

      Just stopping to re-visit this hub...can't believe it has been so long since I have stopped by your neck of the woods? Take Care:)

    • RecoverToday profile image
      Author

      RecoverToday 6 years ago from United States

      Kaie: I shared the this bit of expression for the benefit of all ladies who have ever been in this situation. Thank you.

    • Kaie Arwen profile image

      Kaie Arwen 6 years ago

      This is excellent! It seems as if you are recovering.......... Kaie

    • RecoverToday profile image
      Author

      RecoverToday 7 years ago from United States

      susanlang: Thank you so much!

      heart4: I am glad that my writings are coming across to those who can appreciate them. Please feel free to forward these to anyone who may be subject to being victimized.

    • heart4theword profile image

      heart4theword 7 years ago from hub

      Yes the deceptors, are very choosy about their victims! You truly are making a difference in speaking out, informing others of such criminal tactics.

      I hope and pray these writings of yours, will throw up some red flags! It is great when others, take heed to learning from those who have been down that road of manipulation.

      Your Voice is Heard, I can relate and hear you. Another Great Hub!

    • susanlang profile image

      susanlang 7 years ago

      Deep and reaching poem full of heart.

    • RecoverToday profile image
      Author

      RecoverToday 7 years ago from United States

      Kind Regards: I'm sorry you were hurt. I wish you well in your healing.

    • Kind Regards profile image

      Kind Regards 7 years ago from Missouri Ozarks - Table Rock Lake

      RecoverToday, I love it! So true and perfectly expressed. I've had this happen and not terribly long ago, so it rang so true for me. Thank you for sharing. Kind Regards

    • RecoverToday profile image
      Author

      RecoverToday 7 years ago from United States

      Thank you Jen.

    • Jen's Solitude profile image

      Jen's Solitude 7 years ago from Delaware

      Being a victim of deception is so painful. You describe it so well!

    • profile image

      sophs 7 years ago

      This is wonderfully written. Sad story :-( hope you're ok. Keep up the great work :)

    • RecoverToday profile image
      Author

      RecoverToday 7 years ago from United States

      rsmallory: I'm so sorry this happened to you. It hurts to the core, I know. You are not alone and I sympathize and acknowledge your feelings. Never give up!

    • rsmallory profile image

      Rebecca Sue Mallory 7 years ago from Central Texas

      I was touched by your words because they exemplify everything I have been through lately with an alcoholic husband who committed adultery. We were together 21 years and he just threw it all away. I am so heartbroken right now.

    • prettydarkhorse profile image

      prettydarkhorse 7 years ago from US

      oh deception hurts, and I hope one day we will find time to forgive them, but the pain is just the way you described it, nice, and I like the pic you put on this hub, keep on writing, Maita

    • RecoverToday profile image
      Author

      RecoverToday 7 years ago from United States

      Yes, it hurts badly to be deceived by someone you thought you "really knew". It's not only the shock, it's the humiliation one feels at having been "tricked" into believing a fantasy. The important thing is to learn from the mistake so one will not become entrapped in the same deception again.

    • Art 4 Life profile image

      Art 4 Life 7 years ago from in the middle of nowhere....

      wow...I was in a relationship, a friendship, and was decieved, back stabbed actually... not too long ago...I still feel the hurt, the abandonment, ..your words spoke to me...I cant wait to read more...

    • Madison22 profile image

      Madison 7 years ago from NYC

      Very good, thanks for sharing it!