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Are You Some Man's Toilet?

Updated on November 29, 2012

Dating In the 21st Century

Recently, I went on a coffee date with a man … that sounds strange even as I read it on paper. Strange that I felt the need to clarify that it was a man and even stranger that I went out on a date. You see, I was married for over 20 years to the same man so I decided that I needed to explore what the dating scene looked like after being off of the market for over 20 years. Let me add that I had been divorced for over two years and separated before that for four, so I was well healed before taking this route. Needless to say, I didn’t know exactly where to begin …

Did I join some mega-million dollar dating site and put up a profile? Did I wait patiently for God to bring somebody? Did I church hop and pray? Did I just sit at home and eat bonbons? What were my options? Truthfully, way too many options are out there. Some way too much money and others … well, they are just a place for “scammer’s” to look for vulnerable and emotionally unstable people to prey upon. It can be really scary and confusing …

Mike, that’s what we’ll call him, was a nice looking guy, well-groomed, educated and he loved to travel. Actually, that was what drew me to him, the travel part … I love to travel. Well, that and the line in his profile that said something along the lines of “Chivalry lives …” So, when he invited me for coffee I accepted.

Anyway, he was my first coffee date experience. Honestly, I was a bit nervous but once there … it was like riding a bike. Conversation, light laughter and then … we got to the heart of the man or should I say … men.

Don’t ask me how but we got on the topic of sexual intimacy. Now, let me tell you that I am an advocate of purity and intimacy being reserved for the marriage bed. I don’t hide my beliefs and they are clearly written there on my profile for anybody that wants to read it. It is non-negotiable as far as I am concerned and I made that perfectly clear to Mike.

Mike proceeded to tell me that, “Dr. Ruth says that you shouldn’t buy a pair of shoes until you try them on first.” Did he just call me a shoe? Really, I wasn’t offended … I mean if I look like a pair of men’s shoes … Well, you get the point. I just thought to myself … I am not a man’s pair of shoes to be tried on and discarded because I don’t fit … and I hope that the woman who is willing to be that pair of shoes insists that he wears socks. What about Athlete’s Foot for goodness sake? Some fungus’ are impossible to get rid of … they just keep spreading.

Mike had just returned from the restroom when we started discussing the topic of sexual intimacy and purity. He asked me what I taught and I told him that I teach purity to young girls and women because we as women don’t value ourselves … giving away that which should be treasured because we think that will bind the man’s heart to us. We discussed how when we women sleep with someone, we (not all but most) if we are really honest become emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually invested when we are intimate. Men, … well, it just doesn’t work the same way for them … They just aren’t wired like we are and the sooner we acknowledge that well-known fact the better off we will be and our daughters will be as well. Brace yourselves, ladies because this is what he shared with me and told me to tell you.

He said, “I just got back from using the restroom, right?” I thought that was a rather odd thing to say but I was curious so I played along and said, “Yes.” He said, “Well, I went into that bathroom and it was a nice bathroom. I used the toilet and completed my business. I washed my hands and I walked out of the bathroom. Right?” Well, at this point I was thinking, “I certainly hope so … I mean I hope that you washed your hands.” But I didn’t say that, I said, “Yes.” He then proceeded to tell me that was how it was for “some” men when they have sex with a woman. He said, (and I admit I am paraphrasing because I was amazed that he was bold enough but candid as well as honest enough to tell the truth on the matter) … “Unless, we are emotionally invested in a woman then it is just like doing our business in a bathroom toilet of a preferred restaurant. We go in we use the “facility”, we clean ourselves up and we leave. We aren’t thinking about that bathroom toilet anymore … we aren’t wondering who is using that toilet, what that toilet is doing right now or remembering anything special about that toilet … We have taken care of our basic need to release and after that we are done. Unless, for some reason we need to use that toilet again.”

Now, you are probably thinking like I was … “WOW, you are really a piece of work and not to mention disgusting.” Honestly though, I had to admit that I was grateful to him. I wasn’t angry with him … I was appreciative he had confirmed that my teaching was warranted. In sharing that truth with me, he had basically told me to ask women everywhere this question …

“Are you some man’s toilet?” And so, I am … I dare to ask you that question … Are you some man’s toilet or perhaps, you are a pair of shoes? Personally, I don’t intend to be either one and I hope that more women will choose the harder, less traveled road of keeping themselves … it is a matter that goes beyond self-esteem and self-respect. Now, I dare you to be honest with yourself … “Are you???”

Thanks, Mike ...

It says in Song of Solomon several times (Chapters and verses 2:7, 3:5 & 8:4) … “Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” If you ever wondered why ... it was for our protection but if you don't believe me ... perhaps, you need to read this hub again. Or read, "The Promise of Purity" ...


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    • Precious Pearl profile imageAUTHOR

      Dawn Bostick 

      5 years ago

      LOL! Thank you for your comment erinshelby.

    • erinshelby profile image


      5 years ago from United States

      "What about Athlete’s Foot for goodness sake? Some fungus’ are impossible to get rid of … they just keep spreading."


    • Precious Pearl profile imageAUTHOR

      Dawn Bostick 

      6 years ago

      And we as women are indeed precious to Him and we need to be to ourselves as well. God Bless itsladyo! Thank you for your comment.

    • itsladyo profile image


      6 years ago from Savannah Ga

      I can't stress enough work on self-fulfillment, and self-love from this stems standards and principles along with a knowledge of self-worth. Once you know the price of a precious jewel, you won't take garbage in exchange for it.

    • Precious Pearl profile imageAUTHOR

      Dawn Bostick 

      6 years ago

      Hi Abrushing1968, thank you for your comments. You are exactly right not all men think this way and I PRAISE GOD that they don't. I hope that this will enlighten both men and women to the importance of keeping that which is Holy and Intimate for the marriage bed. God Bless!

    • Abrushing1968 profile image

      Aaron Rushing 

      6 years ago from USA- Florida

      Not all men are like Mike. Precious Pearl I applaud your stand and your you teaching. Unbelievable! men like mike will die lonely and in their sin. I pity the woman who is beguiled by him.

    • Precious Pearl profile imageAUTHOR

      Dawn Bostick 

      6 years ago

      Hi ComfortB, No ... all men don't think like this ... Praise God! If that were the case then we would really be in trouble. There are and will ever be a few good men! I will pray the same for your sister as I do for myself that she would recognize and receive God's choice for her in a mate. Thank you for your comments!

    • Precious Pearl profile imageAUTHOR

      Dawn Bostick 

      6 years ago

      Thank you, Esenbee! Controversial, I know! God Bless!

    • Esenbee profile image

      SN Brown MEd 

      6 years ago from Jacksonville, Florida

      Great hub! Voted up and sharing on Facebook! I love this!

    • ComfortB profile image

      Comfort Babatola 

      6 years ago from Bonaire, GA, USA

      Men sure are wired funny. I sure hope they all don't think like this.

      It's been sixteen years for me and my hubby, and I'm really praying for my baby sister (who is 35) that the good Lord will bless her with 'Gods Perfect Will' in marriage as she prays through.

      Interesting hub. Voted up and interesting.

    • Precious Pearl profile imageAUTHOR

      Dawn Bostick 

      6 years ago

      Ok, this is not my normal type of a hub but I felt very strongly that I needed to share my experience. I don't think all men are like this but I believe that there are more than a few that think this way ... maybe without even realizing it. Stay tuned, I am learning that dating ain't what it used to be ... profiles and scammers, who would of thought it but I am learning ... every day. Stay tuned.


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