Can a man marry a woman more successful than him?
Love is blind but marriage opens the eyes
Love just happens but a marriage demands efforts to be happy and harmonious. When relationships work, it is taken for granted. But no one is happy when the marriage is not working out. In fact, both the partners suffer and if they have a family then everyone is affected. Much has been written on the related subjects such as: Why marriages fail; Secrets to a successful marriage; Marriage Counseling Tips etc.
But this article is not about all that. It is about testing a hypothesis that does an imbalance in success levels (or the earnings) kill the marriage? Especially if the woman is more successful than her man, will the marriage succeed?
Can the marriage work where the woman earns more than her husband?
“Don’t marry a person who is more attracted towards the money you earn or your social status.” I have heard this advice being given to girls.
Similarly, the men are told “If you marry a woman more successful than you then you will always be under her command. You will be treated like a servant”
We are living in a very progressive society where men and women are equal by law, enjoying same rights and privileges. Should we still have reason to think like that? Well if you look around and try to gather some statistics, you shall be a little surprised with the findings!
Visiting the past to understand Husband and Wife equation and distribution of responsibilities
As per the classic economics marriage is basically a form of labor specialization, in which the married men are expected to earn and do market work outside their homes, whereas the married women are expected to take care of the household work and bring up the kids. For a successful bonding and happy married life it is important for both to understand their own responsibilities and take care of them to the best. Marriages in the older times used to survive more because of better understanding of their duties.
But, with the coming of industrialization and increase in the needs of the people women have to move out to earn. And in case both the spouses are career oriented than the survival rate of the marriage decreases because of the reason that no one gets enough time to spend with each other and the collaboration required to make the marriage successful decreases.
What is your observation?
Have you also noticed that marriages fail because wife is more successful than husband? If yes, then to what percentage?
The role of imbalance to kill a marriage
Initially the men might not pay heed during his dating days to the fact the lady is more career oriented than him. But once the relationship goes to a level of higher commitment such as live in or marriage then post marriage the love and understanding vanishes as the man opens his eyes to the fact that the women he married is earning more money than him. It may not matter much who is responsible for generating such a feeling. It could be the man himself or the attitude of his wife or the taunts of family members or the friends. What matters is that there is poison in the air which vitiates the domestic atmosphere.
Second reason is more practical than emotional. If the wife is more successful than her husband then that lady tends to be more committed to her career. As a result she might not be able to give enough time to family which might lead to clashes in views
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The signs of differences that can be viewed in the relationship
- Resentment: Both the partners or one of them begins to experience the feeling of resentment. This can be interpreted to say that while the wife is over burdened with the work and she expects her husband is not doing his bit to take care of the home.
Consider further complexity where the husband too is busy with his career (but not as successful) and feels that she is not putting in the efforts to take care of the family.
- Suspicion: More men interacting with the lady due to her power and position can become a cause of frustration or resentment for a less understanding male who may turn out to be married but lonely man.
- Negative attitude: Once the resentment or suspicion enters any relationship the negativity automatically pours in. The attitude of one sided relationship destroys the marriage completely.
- Limited Physical Intimacy: With the negativity in the attitude it becomes difficult for either of the partner to maintain a healthy physical relationship, thus finally leading the relationship towards a disaster.
How to give COMPLIMENTS to your WIFE & Say CUTE Words to her
As soon as either of the partner notices that any such negativity is entering the relationship positive actions can be taken by the partner in following ways:
If such signs of differences are being viewed before marriage itself than it is suggested to go for a pre marriage counseling. But
- Lowering the expectations: If the wife knows that husband is a lazy person or is not as efficient or not so target driven as she is, she should try to lower down the expectations.
- Start appreciating what the other partner is good at: If the female partner lowers down the expectations than it becomes easy for her to look for good habits in her spouse. This could be by looking at the aspect that he can easily find time to relax from his schedule. Similarly the male partner can start taking pride in her achievements and level of success rather than cribbing about what she is not doing and should be doing.
- Regularly spend quality time with each other: Life is fast and everyone is busy. But it is very necessary that husband and wife take some time off their busy schedules and be with each other. It is not necessary to say beautiful words or communicate verbally. Sometimes silence while being together says a lot.
How to give COMPLIMENTS to your Boyfriend, Husband and say CUTE words to him
Talk, talk and resolve the issues through a healthy dialogue
Drop your ego. Let money not destroy the marriage
In marriage you are not two but one. So what if one person is earning more than the other. May be with the passage of time husband too shall start earning a lot.
Forgive and Forget
Forgiveness is your own personal honor. The ability to wholly and truly forgive is one of the greatest gifts you can ever have. Forgiveness sets you free from the prison cell of negativity.
When we forgive and forget, we stop letting ours pasts dictate our presents.
So let go.
- Do an act together or with each other’s help: Be it taking care of home or be it office work. If the husband takes suggestions about his presentations or managing finances from wife it would be a kind of opening a way to conversation, as she is equally or even more career oriented than him. For the wife it would be handling the house affairs, trying to share some responsibilities with her husband. Even going out for shopping of grocery with together is a way to come on the same frequency with each other.
- Never let anyone meddle in your relationship: Third person always spoils the game, be it friends or relatives. Do not discuss your private life with someone otherwise it is an open invitation to someone else to resolve your differences. It is you two who have to live together not the third person. Entering of the other person always increases the differences rather than reducing the same.
- Keep up the commitments: Try your best always to keep your commitments. If you have committed to go out for a dinner or a movie or a family function together, go for it. Once you start meeting your commitments the puzzle would automatically start falling in place.
Are you dating currently?
Are you a single and are on the lookout for a right partner?
Are you a person who might have been unhappily married earlier or have been divorced and are now dating to have a serious relationship?
Then mature dating is a must. This would certainly increase the success rate of marriage leading to happily married men and women.
You may also like to refer to:
Husband and wife are two parts of the jigsaw puzzle, when together can complete the puzzle and when not in sync can lead to a disaster.
Thus, the man if marrying a highly ambitious woman needs to be empathetic to maintain the relationship to the best. On the other hand if the woman knows that she is tying a knot with a less ambitious man than should learn to appreciate the qualities of her counterpart for maintaining a healthy relationship.
What are your views, observations, suggestions and experiences?