Good Dads Who Get A Bad Rap And Child Support

You have to remember these are two separate issues.

Child support has nothing to do with whether or not mom and dad hate each other - or even if the children see dad. Visitation is a separate legal issue and should not be confused with child support.

While parents hate each other, the child still has to eat and be housed. In this country children live in abject poverty more so than other so called industrialized nations. Nor do we have the extended family to help a single mother.

Recent reports show that the US is probably the worst when it comes to childcare in the early years. Our children suffer in poverty.

For the few men who are hassled in the system, millions of women and children are impoverished because of the lack of child support. There is just no comparison.

If anyone files a false claim for any reason, then there are penalties already in place. Including lying for a CPO. But it has nothing to do with child support. If a man (not married) has paid child support mistakenly thinking a child is his - then he can sue to get the money back.

Remember, there are all sorts of laws already in place. But if a child exists, and belongs to 'he and she' then child support has to be paid seaparate from all other issues.

Comming from someone who is trying to do the right thing and being forced to due the right thing is totally wrong . I think the child support laws are strict all the way across the board . It seems like the people that are bitter are using the child support as a come up and that is not right at all when you are trying to be there for your kids someone needs to make a coalition for the fathers that are there or want to be there and are beink taken for child support !

Child support and visitation, i feel, are hand in hand. If the man is paying the support every month and is working hard to do so, he should be rewarded to see the child. And if the mother is selfish and controlling and wants the kid all to herself, that thats a bunch of B**S**. The woman milks the court system to fuel her controlling ways and gets to have the child 24/7 and can still benefit by cashing a child support check each month. Women have control over the situation in visitation no matter how great and loving the father is. Where are the positives for the dads in this situation?

Scenario: A father has been in his kids life from day one and has been the sole provider. Mainly because the mother never had stable employment. The youngest kid is now 17 and the mother decides she no longer want to be with the dad and moves out. The dad attempts to work out a plan to support both the mom and child but the mom ignores the fathers attempt and instead hires a lawyer. She sues the father for child and spousal support and immediately requests garnishment of the fathers income. As a result, the fathers take home pay drops from $4,000 per month to $842.00 per month. Up to this point the father and child has a strong relationship until the mother tells the child things to advance the mothers cause thereby ruining the once strong father/child relationship. The father never cheated on the mother and was always there for her and the kids providing them with all they needed for over 20 years.

This is a classic example of the title of your article. What recourse does the father have? None, other than to pay the price or go to jail for contempt of court.

There are millions of good men in this scenario who suddenly find themselves listed at the local courthouse as deadbeat dads.

I have a personal friend in this category. It's unfair, but what can he do? No bench judge in America will vote against the woman's desires and risk being labeled anti-female in a high visibility climate of domestic abuse, child neglect, and child poverty. Therefore, unless the female is an obvious bad mother then she has the upper hand - whether she is right or wrong is irrelevant. In the eyes of the court - it's all about appearance.

All this gives a new meaning to the popular song "What's Love Got To Do With It"

Get a prenup!

Great article - thanks for sharing.

Im currently feeling the brunt of this particular situation. I pretty much wanted to say, "This is a great post". Many times you dont see women who can see the other side of the coin when it comes to these types of matters. This was quite refreshing.

Oh my hell. Kenyon Eastin has never been kept from his children, he just hasn't kept up with his part of the divorce decree between he and his ex-wife that HE AGREED TO IN MEDIATION. He has not kept his finanical obligations to his children, simple as that. Period. He was held in contempt of court because he turned his back on the judge out of disrespect during his trial - why isn't anyone reporting the real story? This is a circus. Everyone who knows nothing about this situation has an opinion and is being played by this narcissistic idiot. I was a family friend of Kenyon and his ex when they were married and have known him personally for years. Most of his family (dad, sisters, brother) have no relationship with Kenyon but they support his ex. What does that tell you? When someone's own family can't support them, what do you think that says about this guy? Seriously.

Stacie, your article demonstrates a good practical understanding of the problems in divorce ad paternity cases. Unfortunately, the government gives incentives to unwed mothers to go after dads and try to get more support than they can pay - we all should chip in and work to change the system so that when a parent chooses to try to raise a kid alone - that parent isn't given a bonus for asking the other parent to stay away but pay support anyway.

It goes back to the beginning of time, if Adam was tricked by Eve in thinking that Cain was his first son and not the 2 legged serpent (The Devil) who was afterwards made to slither on the ground as punishment for seducing(key word did you catch it) Eve eat that apple then she needs to be ordered to get a paternity test 1st and foremost and then if it's determined that the man she accuses of being the natural biological dad ...IS the Dad then if she is the custodial parent or parent with whom the children reside with 55% of the time.... she needs to be paid 20% for 1 child and 30% for 2 children with additional support of 5% for all other children

I as a father have been slapped around by the legal system for many years even though I kept my duty to report any change in employment and location. I have been paying child support for seventeen years and have given the mother over one hundred thousand dollars. Yet I do not have a relationship with my children. I have tried to take her to court but all I was awarded was supervised visitation. I was kept out of the childrens life for many years by the mother hiding or not answering phone calls. Perhaps a little background will help to understand my situation...I am a former marine who had children with a woman before joining. After deployment overseas I returned to a woman who had already moved on. I had begun paying child support before I left so that the children would have money while I was away. I was naive and thought that this would be the best way to provide for them. You see I started the order. Later on I learned that I could have done an allotment but what did I know of allotments? When I tried to reverse course it was too late. The state had their hooks in me and they were making there money from collecting this support. (They need a reason for existence)As the years rolled by and several deployments later five years passed with the mother avoiding me at all costs. Seven years passed... ten years and finally I had the funds to hire a lawyer. I took the mother to court only to find out she was filing for additional support because my income had changed. I finally got some rights established but by this time the children didn't even know me. A sad situation for me. I have had my income taxes intercepted, my bank acounts frozen, and my wages garnished; all the while she gets away with keeping my children from me. Tell me what honor is there in that? Where is the fairness? Where is the opportunity to make this right? It just doesnt exist...

I enjoyed your article, it is so true and hits home. Unfortunately, dads get a bad rap. I have been divorced for over 5 years and I am still experiencing visitation problems because my ex feels she can manipulate the over all situation to include the courts. She has been convicted in the Juvenile Domestic & Relations Court on showcauses/visitation violations to only have the circuit court (Prince William County, VA) overturn the decision because I am remarried and moved on with my life. It blew my mind when a circuit court judge explained, is the father remarried? Yes! Does the mother have primary custody? Yes! And we have continuing visitation problems? Yes.

I completely had my Thanksgiving 2008 visitation denied to me, when there was an active court in place. What happen to the mother, nothing at all. I was suppose to get the year 2009 Thanksgiving visitation with all three children, but only received 2 out of our 3 girls. All I can say is your comments explaining, "Remember if you have daughters, you do not want them learning to be spiteful and inconsiderate to the people in their lives when they get grown and you definately do not want your children to be upset with you because you failed to put their needs before your broke heart" are so true.

Good article! Good Dad's out there, remember that God will give us justice.

I think this is the best point of a subject that I have seen so far. I'm a father of one that also has taken the role of two others as my step kids. My ex and I have broken our relationship off and I'm trying to do the best that I can do to pay my half of childcare but it just seem as its not enough for her. Grant that I will give up anything for my babygirl but daddy have bills also so sometimes I'm left with only $20 left until the next pay check and my ex will call me and bug me about pull ups, and other things that I can not buy at the time. And being the person that she is she loves to force this line. " you need to look into a second job, or get loans" A single man that works nights try to do side jobs just so I can stay above ground. Anyway I want to take out child support but I don't want to be the only person paying because I keep my daughter on my off time and my question is what should I do? child support or keep doing what I'm doing and tell her to deal with it because I'm tired of the stress?

I understand your point totally, but reverse it. The father has my child , and he is mad because I won't go back with him and uses the COURTS to seek revenge on me. I pay around 534.00 a month in which is OVER what I should be paying.I'm in the struggle trying to pull up out of it with full time work and college, and in the process I deal with an ex hater.I'm not a bad parent either I'm in the process of getting back in the courts, just waiting for more custody rights.

Nice article,

My problem is the child support system, not the issue of not supporting your kids. I really think this system (a quick fix) cause more harm than good. What can we do to reform it, what other alternatives do parents have?