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Good Dads Who Get A Bad Rap And Child Support

Updated on May 12, 2011

The Bad Rap For The Good Fathers

     I am a firm believer in children having the support that they need from both parents but some father's get slapped around in the system because of spiteful and scorned women. These guys have to deal with wage garnishments and other legal hassles just because they do not choose to be with the child's mother. Don't get me wrong, there are some deadbeat dads who deserve to go through these hassles but all father's are not the same.

Women Who File Because They Are Scorned Make Good Dads Look Bad

  • Now I am only talking about the good fathers who do their jobs. Maybe that is exactly what they are trying to do in the end. Some women do not realize that their selfishness is only hurting the child or children involved in the middle. When a mother tells a child that your dad does not love you or he left you for another woman, that is very hurtful and kids believe this stuff no matter what the father is doing. Everyone knows someone who has did something bitter to one of their kids fathers?? Some childish mothers use this tactic to cover up what they are really doing that is spiteful and conniving.

When relationships do not work out whether it is the mother or fathers fault, some baby mothers tend to take their revenge out on the father even if they know that they are doing their job. Now if a man is not being a man, I totally understand that you have to do what you got to do but do not be mean and revengful and do things out of spite.

The Importance Of Childrens Time With Dad

     Now why would a woman with a heart want to take this beautiful opportunity away from their kid(s). That is beyond selfish. Now if the father has a new relationship and you have reasons to believe that the child will be in danger that is one thing. Now if you are just being mean and mad that he is with someone else then you are not giving the other person a chance. Yes, I believe that partners should meet the other parents because it will make a lot of difference in the outcome of non-court ordered visitation. Sometimes it is nothing wrong with the other woman, they just want to be a mean person and in the end the kid(s) once again will suffer. 

     Never allow disrespect of any kind between your kid(s) and his significant other as this can result in behavior problems and poor mannerism.  Always show people respect around your kids no matter how you feel about the person deep down.  This will help them to adapt to change and being open to meeting new people without judgement. Remember it takes a village to raise a child.  Kids should have as much time with their father as possible because during their childhood because it builds a bond between them that is almost equal to them living with them on a daily basis.  Keep that in mind the next time that you are mad at him and keep the kids from their dad.  This can really hurt you and the children in the end.

Good Advice For Scorned Baby Mothers

  • If your childs father has a job, give him a chance and if he does not do his part then fight for your kid(s). Just do not hit him up off the back without a reason because then it makes you look bad in the childs eyes. Remember if you have daughters, you do not want them learning to be spiteful and inconsiderate to the people in their lives when they get grown and you definately do not want your children to be upset with you because you failed to put their needs before your broke heart.  Karma is a mother so let it take its course.  If he did wrong by you, sooner or later he will get his naturally. 

Tips For Father's Being Denied Their Rights

  • Visitation ~ Go to court and file for visitation for the days that you are going to be available at least twice a month. The courts have strict laws about people not following the visitation guidelines so this is very affective.  
  • False Child Support ~ Keep any receipts for anything that you buy for the kids. If you give cash, give a check, money order or have her sign a receipt. (Get A Receipt Book From Staples).  This is very important in cases where child support is not ordered through the court system.  This protects the father from scrutiny in the future and further more proves hes making an honest effort.
  • False Court Orders ~ If she files a false report, make sure that you get a lawyer or always save any emails or messages including text that are sent from her even if they are not negative.  This protects the father in cases where the mother is abusive and threatening.  In court they will hear or view these rants as proof of her negative response to you having rights to see your child.

Vote Now: What Do You Think??

Do You Think That There Should Be Legal Action Taken If Mothers File False Claims On Good Dads??

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    • profile image

      L_Rocket2012 5 years ago

      I Was Searching Around About Child Support Problems, and I Came Across Your Article, And It 'Inspired And Encouraged' Me A Lot! I Started To Think It Was Hopelessness And Death (As Like A Zombie) When It Came To My Life. So Many Articles, Pages, Posts, and Comments On The So-Called 'Deadbeat Dads' and how CS Is 'Owed' To The Mother, like They Don't Have No Financial Responsibility To Their Child Too. On Top Of That, The Claim Is For 'To Support The Child Financially', and Nothing Else Really Matters (Like Providing A Way To Be In Their Father's Life, Letting The Child Know How Their Father Is And What He Does For A Living (If It's Descent!), Working Together To Raise The Child Up So That He Does Know What A Loving Family Should Be Like, and Much More.). C.S. Doesn't Concern Themselves With The Upbringing Of The Child; The Child Won't Probably Know What C.S. Is Until It Happens To Him/Her.

      I Get The Point and The Pain Of A Good Father On Child Support; I'm One. My Story In Short Is: She Lived With Me For Over A Year, We Discussed About Having A Family; She Wanted A Baby. Her Family Didn't Like Me, She Sided With Them, Moved Back With Her Family, Put Me On Child-Support, Denied Me My Child On My Visitation Days, Called Police, They Told Me To Leave, I Did, Filed Contempt Motion, Cases Was Dismiss, But Judge Told Her To Let Me See The Kid, She Still Denied Me My Kid; This Time She and the Kid Was Gone, I Got Fed Up and Moved Away Before I Snapped And Did Something I Regretted. Haven't Seen My Kid Personally For Over 5 1/2 Years; He's 7 now. Tried To Contact Her Via Facebook; Got Blocked Twice!

      Now I'm Stuck With A Decision That I Might Really Get Punished For. I Want To Go Back To Court, But I Might Make Things Worser For Myself By Doing That (Some Articles Have Sugested) Because They Might Raise The CS If She Wanted It. I'm Scared, But Also Upset Because I Know What God Has Given Us A Child For, But That Has Nothing To Do With Man-Made Laws. Sorry For Venting So Much, It Could Have Been Longer, But I Enjoy The Good Truth Of Life and Pray That Evil Situations Like Taking Advantage Of Children, Elderly, and Uneducated People Constantly Will Be Destroyed. The Truth Will Set You Free! From The Lies Of Humanity!

    • profile image

      solvinprobs 6 years ago

      Nice article,

      My problem is the child support system, not the issue of not supporting your kids. I really think this system (a quick fix) cause more harm than good. What can we do to reform it, what other alternatives do parents have?

    • profile image

      Jules 6 years ago

      I understand your point totally, but reverse it. The father has my child , and he is mad because I won't go back with him and uses the COURTS to seek revenge on me. I pay around 534.00 a month in which is OVER what I should be paying.I'm in the struggle trying to pull up out of it with full time work and college, and in the process I deal with an ex hater.I'm not a bad parent either I'm in the process of getting back in the courts, just waiting for more custody rights.

    • stacies29 profile image

      stacies29 7 years ago from Washington DC

      daone I really have a lot of hope for your situation because its not so uncommon. The best thing for you to do is go to court that way the judge will give the child support amount according to your income. This indeed will give you more money to live because you will only have to carry 50% of the weight depending on how old the child is in most states. Maybe you should tell her how you feel and see if she will compromise before seeking legal action first.

    • profile image

      daone 7 years ago

      I think this is the best point of a subject that I have seen so far. I'm a father of one that also has taken the role of two others as my step kids. My ex and I have broken our relationship off and I'm trying to do the best that I can do to pay my half of childcare but it just seem as its not enough for her. Grant that I will give up anything for my babygirl but daddy have bills also so sometimes I'm left with only $20 left until the next pay check and my ex will call me and bug me about pull ups, and other things that I can not buy at the time. And being the person that she is she loves to force this line. " you need to look into a second job, or get loans" A single man that works nights try to do side jobs just so I can stay above ground. Anyway I want to take out child support but I don't want to be the only person paying because I keep my daughter on my off time and my question is what should I do? child support or keep doing what I'm doing and tell her to deal with it because I'm tired of the stress?

    • stacies29 profile image

      stacies29 7 years ago from Washington DC

      Thanx Craig!!! Hope things get better. Good Luck!!

    • profile image

      Craig 7 years ago

      I enjoyed your article, it is so true and hits home. Unfortunately, dads get a bad rap. I have been divorced for over 5 years and I am still experiencing visitation problems because my ex feels she can manipulate the over all situation to include the courts. She has been convicted in the Juvenile Domestic & Relations Court on showcauses/visitation violations to only have the circuit court (Prince William County, VA) overturn the decision because I am remarried and moved on with my life. It blew my mind when a circuit court judge explained, is the father remarried? Yes! Does the mother have primary custody? Yes! And we have continuing visitation problems? Yes.

      I completely had my Thanksgiving 2008 visitation denied to me, when there was an active court in place. What happen to the mother, nothing at all. I was suppose to get the year 2009 Thanksgiving visitation with all three children, but only received 2 out of our 3 girls. All I can say is your comments explaining, "Remember if you have daughters, you do not want them learning to be spiteful and inconsiderate to the people in their lives when they get grown and you definately do not want your children to be upset with you because you failed to put their needs before your broke heart" are so true.

      Good article! Good Dad's out there, remember that God will give us justice.

    • stacies29 profile image

      stacies29 7 years ago from Washington DC

      Adam I totally understand your frustration and it is very sad how some mothers deliberately do this but the legal system has more laws for the custodial parents. I personally think that when a mother is hiding and not answering the phone, kidnapping charges should be filed because that is what it is too me!!! If you had the kids and she did not hear from them she would go crazy, Thanks and Good luck!!

    • profile image

      Adam 7 years ago

      I as a father have been slapped around by the legal system for many years even though I kept my duty to report any change in employment and location. I have been paying child support for seventeen years and have given the mother over one hundred thousand dollars. Yet I do not have a relationship with my children. I have tried to take her to court but all I was awarded was supervised visitation. I was kept out of the childrens life for many years by the mother hiding or not answering phone calls. Perhaps a little background will help to understand my situation...I am a former marine who had children with a woman before joining. After deployment overseas I returned to a woman who had already moved on. I had begun paying child support before I left so that the children would have money while I was away. I was naive and thought that this would be the best way to provide for them. You see I started the order. Later on I learned that I could have done an allotment but what did I know of allotments? When I tried to reverse course it was too late. The state had their hooks in me and they were making there money from collecting this support. (They need a reason for existence)As the years rolled by and several deployments later five years passed with the mother avoiding me at all costs. Seven years passed... ten years and finally I had the funds to hire a lawyer. I took the mother to court only to find out she was filing for additional support because my income had changed. I finally got some rights established but by this time the children didn't even know me. A sad situation for me. I have had my income taxes intercepted, my bank acounts frozen, and my wages garnished; all the while she gets away with keeping my children from me. Tell me what honor is there in that? Where is the fairness? Where is the opportunity to make this right? It just doesnt exist...

    • profile image

      I'm w will smith and jada this is not wicked wisdom its the truth that sets you free  8 years ago

      It goes back to the beginning of time, if Adam was tricked by Eve in thinking that Cain was his first son and not the 2 legged serpent (The Devil) who was afterwards made to slither on the ground as punishment for seducing(key word did you catch it) Eve eat that apple then she needs to be ordered to get a paternity test 1st and foremost and then if it's determined that the man she accuses of being the natural biological dad ...IS the Dad then if she is the custodial parent or parent with whom the children reside with 55% of the time.... she needs to be paid 20% for 1 child and 30% for 2 children with additional support of 5% for all other children

    • Elusen profile image

      Elusen 8 years ago from Indianapolis, IN

      Stacie, your article demonstrates a good practical understanding of the problems in divorce ad paternity cases. Unfortunately, the government gives incentives to unwed mothers to go after dads and try to get more support than they can pay - we all should chip in and work to change the system so that when a parent chooses to try to raise a kid alone - that parent isn't given a bonus for asking the other parent to stay away but pay support anyway.

    • stacies29 profile image

      stacies29 8 years ago from Washington DC


    • profile image

      oy 8 years ago

      Oh my hell. Kenyon Eastin has never been kept from his children, he just hasn't kept up with his part of the divorce decree between he and his ex-wife that HE AGREED TO IN MEDIATION. He has not kept his finanical obligations to his children, simple as that. Period. He was held in contempt of court because he turned his back on the judge out of disrespect during his trial - why isn't anyone reporting the real story? This is a circus. Everyone who knows nothing about this situation has an opinion and is being played by this narcissistic idiot. I was a family friend of Kenyon and his ex when they were married and have known him personally for years. Most of his family (dad, sisters, brother) have no relationship with Kenyon but they support his ex. What does that tell you? When someone's own family can't support them, what do you think that says about this guy? Seriously.

    • stacies29 profile image

      stacies29 8 years ago from Washington DC

      Thank you very much 1hunid. I have seen to many men suffer that are trying to do the right thing. I am glad that this was a pleasing post to you and I hope your situation gets better. God Bless.

    • profile image

      1hunid 8 years ago

      Im currently feeling the brunt of this particular situation. I pretty much wanted to say, "This is a great post". Many times you dont see women who can see the other side of the coin when it comes to these types of matters. This was quite refreshing.

    • stacies29 profile image

      stacies29 8 years ago from Washington DC

      Thanx jxb7076 you are so right, that is very unfair to the men and the scenario you explained is so real for thousands of good fathers. Some women are on get back because the relationship failed. Great comment!!

    • jxb7076 profile image

      James Brown 8 years ago from United States of America

      Scenario: A father has been in his kids life from day one and has been the sole provider. Mainly because the mother never had stable employment. The youngest kid is now 17 and the mother decides she no longer want to be with the dad and moves out. The dad attempts to work out a plan to support both the mom and child but the mom ignores the fathers attempt and instead hires a lawyer. She sues the father for child and spousal support and immediately requests garnishment of the fathers income. As a result, the fathers take home pay drops from $4,000 per month to $842.00 per month. Up to this point the father and child has a strong relationship until the mother tells the child things to advance the mothers cause thereby ruining the once strong father/child relationship. The father never cheated on the mother and was always there for her and the kids providing them with all they needed for over 20 years.

      This is a classic example of the title of your article. What recourse does the father have? None, other than to pay the price or go to jail for contempt of court.

      There are millions of good men in this scenario who suddenly find themselves listed at the local courthouse as deadbeat dads.

      I have a personal friend in this category. It's unfair, but what can he do? No bench judge in America will vote against the woman's desires and risk being labeled anti-female in a high visibility climate of domestic abuse, child neglect, and child poverty. Therefore, unless the female is an obvious bad mother then she has the upper hand - whether she is right or wrong is irrelevant. In the eyes of the court - it's all about appearance.

      All this gives a new meaning to the popular song "What's Love Got To Do With It"

      Get a prenup!

      Great article - thanks for sharing.

    • profile image

      SunKissedCheers 8 years ago

      Child support and visitation, i feel, are hand in hand. If the man is paying the support every month and is working hard to do so, he should be rewarded to see the child. And if the mother is selfish and controlling and wants the kid all to herself, that thats a bunch of B**S**. The woman milks the court system to fuel her controlling ways and gets to have the child 24/7 and can still benefit by cashing a child support check each month. Women have control over the situation in visitation no matter how great and loving the father is. Where are the positives for the dads in this situation?

    • profile image

      WRGregory30 8 years ago

      Comming from someone who is trying to do the right thing and being forced to due the right thing is totally wrong . I think the child support laws are strict all the way across the board . It seems like the people that are bitter are using the child support as a come up and that is not right at all when you are trying to be there for your kids someone needs to make a coalition for the fathers that are there or want to be there and are beink taken for child support !

    • stacies29 profile image

      stacies29 8 years ago from Washington DC

      good point. its just unfair to the good ones. I know there are some moms who do not let the child visit if they are not paid the adequate child support even if they are usually on time. thanks for the insight.

    • BkCreative profile image

      BkCreative 8 years ago from Brooklyn, New York City

      You have to remember these are two separate issues.

      Child support has nothing to do with whether or not mom and dad hate each other - or even if the children see dad. Visitation is a separate legal issue and should not be confused with child support.

      While parents hate each other, the child still has to eat and be housed. In this country children live in abject poverty more so than other so called industrialized nations. Nor do we have the extended family to help a single mother.

      Recent reports show that the US is probably the worst when it comes to childcare in the early years. Our children suffer in poverty.

      For the few men who are hassled in the system, millions of women and children are impoverished because of the lack of child support. There is just no comparison.

      If anyone files a false claim for any reason, then there are penalties already in place. Including lying for a CPO. But it has nothing to do with child support. If a man (not married) has paid child support mistakenly thinking a child is his - then he can sue to get the money back.

      Remember, there are all sorts of laws already in place. But if a child exists, and belongs to 'he and she' then child support has to be paid seaparate from all other issues.


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