ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Communicating for a Successful Marriage

Updated on March 8, 2012

Happy Anniversary to my Husband

This past week, my husband and I celebrated our 27th wedding anniversary. People, upon hearing that, will turn to offer us congratulations. For some though, there is a questioning look. As if to ask, how did you make it work?

There are no easy answers to a question like that. People have written books upon books on the subject of how to stay happy in your marriage. To tell you the truth, I don’t have the solution for anyone looking for those answers. But what I can tell you is what worked for us.

I knew my husband for 10 years before we married. That’s not a prerequisite, just a fact. I did not know him very well for most of those years. Once we became exclusive, of course, we called it going steady back then; we really got to know each other. And I’ll tell you how. We talked.

We talked about anything, everything and nothing. Eleanor Roosevelt once said that great minds talk about ideas; small minds talk about people. I guess my husband and I, fit somewhere in the middle then because we talked about ideas, people, politics, religion, and anything else we could think of.

Throughout all of the talking, we got to know each other. I mean really know each other. I learned what it felt like to grow up in a home with no boundaries and how that can slant your opinion of life, which is something I knew nothing about. I was brought up in a strict Christian home with lots of boundaries. He learned sometimes life needs boundaries. Neither one of us had any idea that the grass was not greener on the other side of the fence.

That simple fact of life meant our lives were headed in totally opposite directions. I was the good girl whose rebellion was just enough to notice but not enough to cause serious trouble. It was the 70s after all. He was the bad boy who doesn’t even remember the 70s, well, maybe a little bit. Nothing was off-limits to him, so he sampled everything that life had to offer.


So I mean it when I say we came from opposite ends.

Through our constant communicating, he learned that I wanted to be less restrictive and I learned he secretly wanted more structure to his life. We shared our life stories, our likes and dislikes, but most of all, we shared our dreams for the future. When we realized that our future dreams were so similar; it connected us in a way that made our differences seem less significant.

We didn’t agree on a lot of things at first. Politics? Religion? We were at opposite ends. Oddly enough, we worked hard to prove the other wrong and by doing so, we learned about each other and we learned that we were both wrong. We studied together to learn truths in politics, religion and life. Granted, what we learned may not be the truth for everyone, but it is for us. It is where we found common ground. It is where we built the foundation of our relationship and our family.

We used communication in all its forms over the years. Sometimes verbal and other times nonverbal, we always kept communication open to each other. We touched each other, our minds, our bodies and our hearts. After 27 years, we’ve become that couple that can finish each others sentences. We can have a whole conversation without saying a word; we know what each glance means and every smirk too. We just know each other that well. Sure, now we’re pretty comfortable with each other; but truthfully, it has always been like that for us.

We didn’t have a plan. We just went with the flow most of the time. Truthfully, we were unprepared for life but we were determined to live it together. In many wedding ceremonies, the bride and groom light a unity candle, showing the symbolism of two lives becoming one. I’m not sure many marriages become one anymore. In far too many marriages, the emphasis is on me and mine. I have my life and he has his.

For me, everything I do that has value to my life; I would rather do with him. I gave everything that I am to him and in return, gave everything that he is to me. That is the simple secret of our successful marriage.

I would like to share with you a poem that my husband wrote to me many years ago.

My eyes can’t see the bond

That will hold us through our life

And my arms can’t hold the vows we made

When you became my wife.


My lips can’t taste the richness

Of the days we spend together

And my hands can’t touch the tenderness

I’ve never shared with another.


But our hearts embrace with a passion

Known, but to only a few

And in a language all their own,

They speak, silently, I Love You.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • TinaMarieTad profile image

      TinaMarieTad 7 years ago from Michigan

      What a great story Joni! Happy Anniversary!

    • Joni Douglas profile image
      Author

      Joni Douglas 7 years ago

      Thank you Tina!

    • profile image

      Rachael 7 years ago

      Great article!

    • Joni Douglas profile image
      Author

      Joni Douglas 7 years ago

      Thanks Rachael!

    • prasetio30 profile image

      prasetio30 7 years ago from malang-indonesia

      Congratulation for your husband anniversary. I believe that communication was needed in many relationship. including in marriage. I found something great inside this hub. I liked your poem. Good work. thank you very much!

    • Joni Douglas profile image
      Author

      Joni Douglas 7 years ago

      Thank you prasetio30. My husband wrote that poem for me years ago. I like it too.

    • Betty Reid profile image

      Betty Reid 7 years ago from Texas

      You have a great point. Communication makes a huge difference, especially at the beginning when it's easy to make assumptions about the other person before you get to know them. Congratulations on your anniversary!

    • Joni Douglas profile image
      Author

      Joni Douglas 7 years ago

      Thank you for your nice comments Betty.

    • Jane@CM profile image

      Jane@CM 7 years ago

      Joni, wonderful article. The poem could be a Hallmark card! We will be celebrating our 22nd Anniversary apart from each other, but we'll be together again in June. Communication is the key along with love.

    • Joni Douglas profile image
      Author

      Joni Douglas 7 years ago

      Thank you Jane for your lovely comments. I'll pass the praise on to my husband who wrote that poem for me. Congrats on your upcoming anniversary, even though you are apart, communication keeps you together. And the love is a given in our house as well.

    • heart4theword profile image

      heart4theword 7 years ago from hub

      Beautiful Hub! Congartulations on 27 years of marriage! Such an encouragement to others:) Nice Poem:)

    • Joni Douglas profile image
      Author

      Joni Douglas 7 years ago

      Thank you heart4the word. My husband is astounded that people like his poem. Here's hoping for 27 more.

    • Contagious! profile image

      Contagious! 6 years ago

      Thank you for this hub. What an amazing thing you have created with your husband. Each of you absolutely opened themselves to the other, because you shared the goal of becoming your best together--willing to let go of what you had to make something new and better. (sorry to sound so corny--it's just true!)

      I do disagree with you about illegal aliens (probably cause of my own experiences with them) but I do, truly, admire what you have created with your husband, and how you have shared it publicly. What a great example! Beautiful.

      Continued happiness to both of you.

      Art

    • Joni Douglas profile image
      Author

      Joni Douglas 6 years ago

      Thank you Art. I'm glad you stopped by. We may not have always done everything right, but we did it together nonetheless.

      As for immigration? You and I may disagree on the best policy to deal with the problems that Arizona faces, but we both agree that something needs to be done. We both want immigration to continue. We are a nation of immigrants. We owe our great heritage to many different immigrants and no one is denying that.

    • tonymac04 profile image

      Tony McGregor 6 years ago from South Africa

      Lovely tribute to your marriage! Thanks for sharing these heartfelt and meaningful thoughts.

      Love and peace

      Tony

    • Joni Douglas profile image
      Author

      Joni Douglas 6 years ago

      Why thank you Tony. I appreciate your kind words very much. Love and Peace to you as well.

    • ripplemaker profile image

      Michelle Simtoco 6 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

      Hi Joni, I'm glad I picked this hub to read today! I agree wholeheartedly about communication being at the heart of marriage or in any relationship for that matter. May you have many more beautiful years ahead together. Love and blessings to both of you. :)

    • Joni Douglas profile image
      Author

      Joni Douglas 6 years ago

      Thank you ripplemaker. I'm glad you read it and left such kind comments. Love and Blessings to you as well.

    • profile image

      Baileybear 6 years ago

      fantastic achievement in this day and age to be married that long, and still value your partner. I know people that don't love each other anymore but live in same house still. Thanks for sharing your insights

    • Joni Douglas profile image
      Author

      Joni Douglas 6 years ago

      Thank you Baileybear. Although I will admit not every day, but is sure doesn't feel like it has been that long. Time has a way of speeding up life sometimes. We've had our moments just like everyone else, but we are friends as well as married so it is always in our vest interest to talk things out. I appreciate you taking the time to read my hub and leaving such nice comments.

    • Sharon Douglas profile image

      Sharon Douglas 6 years ago from GA, United States

      Very nice article, good job on your hub!

    • Joni Douglas profile image
      Author

      Joni Douglas 6 years ago

      Thank you Sharon, glad you liked it.

    • emilybee profile image

      emilybee 6 years ago

      What a nice hub! And beautiful poem too.

    • Joni Douglas profile image
      Author

      Joni Douglas 6 years ago

      Thank you emilybee. I'll be happy to relay the compliment to the author of the poem, my husband.

    • chrisanto profile image

      chrisanto 5 years ago from Philippines

      this is true, communication is important always... keep it up.. great...

    • Joni Douglas profile image
      Author

      Joni Douglas 5 years ago

      Thanks chrisanto. I appreciate your comments.

    • sunkentreasure profile image

      BERNARD LEVINE 5 years ago from RUIMSIG, SOUTH AFRICA

      SECRETS OF LOVE By BERNARD LEVINE

      Make your love one feel special everyday.

      Do not allow your lives to become routine -

      prepare lots of different activities to enjoy.

      Never take your loved one for granted.

      Keep your love forever precious,

      sacred and beautiful.

      What you put into your love

      is what you will get out of your love.

      Enrich your lives with prayer.

      Always be your partners best friend.

      © Bernard Levine

    • Joni Douglas profile image
      Author

      Joni Douglas 5 years ago

      Wow, thanks sunkentreasure, truly inspirational secrets.

    Click to Rate This Article