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Dating again after breakup: How and when to start dating after a breakup

Updated on January 6, 2014

How to start dating again after a breakup? How long should I wait after a breakup before going on a date? When will I be ready to see other people after a breaking up with my ex? The answers to all these questions lie in patience, acceptance and a little bit of letting go. Bad memories and the pain of a broken heart are bound to hold you back, but this post should be just about all the inspiration you need to start dating again.

Casual hook ups and flings are not the answer to a lull in dating after a breakup.
Casual hook ups and flings are not the answer to a lull in dating after a breakup. | Source

1) Stay away from flings, hook-ups and one night stands

Flings and one-night stands are not the right answers to the frustration of being single after a breakup. Random hook-ups make matter worse and eventually become emotional scars that deepen the already raging wound of heartbreak.

You are mistaken if you think that by having a random fling, you will be able to take revenge for the way your ex broke your heart. In fact, your ex will see it as proof of the fact that you are doing crazy things because you are still not over him or her.

2) Avoid a rebound relationship

Rebound relationships are halfway between the real deal and a one-night stand. You can easily tell if you are in a rebound relationship. Here are a few signs:

  • You consider your date as a compromise from your standards
  • You need to lie about your feelings
  • You are dating someone just because you are tired of spending time alone
  • There isn't really a spark of attraction between the two of you

By making someone your rebound, you are actually preparing to break hearts by ultimately becoming their unrequited love. It is a one-way street to gathering heaps of bad karma.

3) Don't pressure yourself to date again: Be calm and don't hurry

Instead of enjoying being single, guys and girls often put themselves in a messy emotional situation by self-imposing the need to start dating again immediately after a breakup. If you think that you will soothe your heartbreak by hurrying up the healing process, you are wrong.

Dating again after breakup is something that should happen naturally. It should feel right from within. Don't force yourself into the dating game if you are not ready. Give yourself a few more months if you think that you need more time to get over your ex.

Make fitness a priority if you want to feel good and look good all over again.
Make fitness a priority if you want to feel good and look good all over again.

4) Work out: Boost your self-confidence and body language before you start dating

Without a doubt, having a good body is a core part of feeling confident. Lean muscles and a chiseled body is exactly what will make a guy feel more confident from within. Toned curves will make a girl feel sexy, fit and naturally beautiful.

Working out is the best way to usher yourself into dating again after a breakup. The hours that you spend in the gym will help you focus on making your life better. Apart from the obvious health benefits, getting back in shape will be just the confidence booster that you need to feel good about yourself, your body and the way you look.

5) Stop waiting for the perfect moment

Are you waiting for that perfect moment when:

  • When you forget your ex completely
  • When the bitter memories of your breakup will be erased from your memory
  • When you will find someone who is the perfect match
  • When everything feels just right

There will probably never be a perfect situation like this. If you just sit there and wait for destiny to unfurl the most ideal date right in front of your eyes, you need to stop dreaming and start taking charge of your own love life.

6) Walking the fine line of expectations: Neither be too picky nor date just about anyone

After going through the highs and the lows of a relationship that didn't work out, you are bound to have a new set of expectations from someone you'd want to date in the future. While it is great to learn from past relationships, getting a bit too carried away with expectations will make dating seemingly impossible.

There is a fine line between not being too choosy and settling for someone who doesn't match your definition of a good boyfriend or girlfriend. Don't compromise but at the same time, don't turn down a date just because that person does not fit the image of a perfect partner.

Just go out and mingle with your friends. You might end up bumping into someone special - just the person who you have been waiting for.
Just go out and mingle with your friends. You might end up bumping into someone special - just the person who you have been waiting for.

7) Be social: Let dating happen organically

Dating again after a breakup is actually as simple as being your usual self and increasing your social quotient. Hang out with your friends more often, go to all the parties you've been invited to and be active on social media.

You are bound to bump into someone special as you spend time outdoors with your friends and making new ones along the way.

8) Ask your friend to set you up with someone

Getting friends to set you up with someone may be the answer to your dating woes if you think you are almost ready to date again. Knowing that your friend will set you up with someone nice will be a comfort factor.

You can even take your mutual friend along with you on your first date if you are feeling iffy. It may turn out to be just the fun date that you were hoping for.

9) Plan to have fun on your dates: Don't take dating too seriously

Dating becomes really complicated when you try too hard. You must remove all the emotional baggage from your previous relationship and feel free again. Don't make a big deal out of it.

Think of the time when you were single before your last relationship. Think of all the fun dates and flirty conversations that you enjoyed without a worry in the world. Go back to that state of mind and set yourself up for a fun date, not a grueling challenge.

Online dating websites are a good way to ease yourself into the whole drama of connecting with new people without having to meet someone until you are comfortable.
Online dating websites are a good way to ease yourself into the whole drama of connecting with new people without having to meet someone until you are comfortable.

10) Try online dating websites for a start

Online dating websites are a great way to initiate yourself into dating after a breakup. Register at some of the popular dating websites like and make a good online profile.

The best part about using online dating websites to usher yourself into dating again is that you will get a chance to ease yourself into getting to know someone new. You can take your time and wait until you think it is the right moment to meet them in person.

11) Be honest: Tell your date that you have just come out of a breakup

If you feel that you will get a lot of weight off your chest by telling your date that you are coming out of a breakup, do it. Don't think too much about how your date will feel about it. A nice guy or a girl will understand your situation and won't make a big deal out of it.

But while you say this, don't sound too pitiable. You wouldn't want your date to feel that he or she is dating an emotional wreck.

12) Don't get drunk on your dates

Alcohol and a fragile emotional state of mind are a volatile mix. If you have just gathered the courage to start dating again after a breakup, don't get drunk. The last thing you need at such an emotionally critical turning point in your life is more regret and embarrassing moments.

If you must enjoy a drink or two, be firm about drawing the line. Don't go overboard and don't shy away from saying no when your date offers you another round.

Believe in love - it will happen again.
Believe in love - it will happen again.

13) Accept that love can happen again

Don't believe anyone who tells you that you will never find love again. It is a myth that love happens only once. It is really possible to hook up with someone who gives you butterflies in your stomach and is everything that your ex wasn't.

Accept this and stop assuming that you will never fall in love again. If you start dating with a closed mind, you will never be able to completely let go and enjoy the raw feeling of being attracted to someone.

14) Don't portray yourself as a victim of heartbreak

Dating someone who is a complete wreck is a big turnoff, which is why you must avoid sounding like a victim of heartbreak. Hold yourself together and keep your emotions under check because dating again after your breakup is bound to bring back a wave of old memories.

Choose your words well when your date asks you about your previous relationship. Say something that doesn't make you sound like a victim, nor the kind of person who says bad things about an ex. Here are a few examples you can build on.

  • I had a bad breakup but I am glad things turned out the way they did
  • We had a bitter breakup but I guess everything happens for a reason

15) Draw your boundaries with your friends: Don't make yourself vulnerable

A girl breaks up with her boyfriend. Her best friend, who is a guy, comforts her by coming over to her apartment with some takeout and wine. One thing leads to another and in no time, they end up in bed together - this is a classic plot from a sitcom or a rom-com movie. You must make sure this doesn't happen to you.

Subtly draw the boundaries with all your friends. If you think that one of your friends may hit on you or try to take advantage of the fact that you need someone for emotional support, stay away from that person.

16) Be at peace with your own self

Purge all the bitterness from your mind and the hurt from your heart. Holding on to the numbing memories of your past isn't going to help you. Here's how you can be at peace with yourself.

  • Don't keep blaming yourself for the breakup
  • Accept that your relationship is over and you have to move on
  • Don't keep trailing your ex on Facebook and social media
  • Spend more time with your best friends
  • Say goodbye to regret and welcome change in your life
  • Reassure yourself that everything happens for a reason

You can read all the self-help articles you want but nothing can prepare you more than being at peace with your own self. You may not feel like jumping around in joy but that shouldn't stop you from being zen while enjoying a hot cuppa and thinking – whatever happened, happened for the best.


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