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How to deal with unrequited love: What to do when someone does not love you back

Updated on December 4, 2013

How to deal with unrequited love? My crush doesn't love me back, what is wrong with me? Am I not pretty enough for him? Why doesn't she reciprocate my love? How do I get over this heartbreak? The answers to these questions lie in accepting the reality and moving on with life. This post is a practical and realistic approach to learning how you can move on after facing rejection or a lack of reciprocation in love.

Don't blame yourself for unrequited love. Sometimes, it is just not meant to be.
Don't blame yourself for unrequited love. Sometimes, it is just not meant to be. | Source

1) Don't blame yourself for unrequited love

Blaming yourself for unrequited love is like blaming yourself for something that is not in your control. Your heart may be beating for someone special but if theirs doesn't beat for you, it is not your fault.

Unrequited love will become a painful whirlpool which will drown you in sadness if you blame yourself for the situation. Don't assume that there is something you could have done differently which may have changed the outcome.

2) Unrequited love is not deliberate: Don't take it as an insult on a personal level

Some people eventually tend to get angry at the fact that their love wasn't reciprocated. If you have begun to feel the same way, you must realize that love is a feeling – it cannot be artificially produced. Take this as a constant reminder to avoid taking things personally.

Keep this in mind and never let yourself get carried away with unnecessary anger or hate. There is no need to have a lifelong grudge against someone if they don't love you back.

3) Don't start finding faults in yourself and your appearance

Self-doubt is often one of the ugly side effects of unrequited love on your emotional quotient. You must avoid this at all costs. Here are some of the typical questions guys and girls ask themselves when their love is not reciprocated.

  • Am I not attractive enough
  • Does he think I am too fat
  • Does she think I am too immature
  • Am I a bit too shy and introvert for him
  • Is she too good for a simple guy like me

Thinking along these lines will push you deeper into a place from where it will be difficult to come out from. Remind yourself that the fact that unrequited love isn't a verdict on your appearance or any aspect of your personality.

Start taking fitness seriously so you can feel better about yourself.
Start taking fitness seriously so you can feel better about yourself.

4) Become passionate about being fit and healthy

There are a couple of reasons why being fit and healthy is a nice way to deal with unrequited love. A passion for fitness will stop you from going down the path of alcohol, eating out because you are not in the mood to cook and heaps of other vices that are typically associated with being emotionally fragile.

Being serious about fitness will also help you get into a fabulous shape. Guys can build muscles while girls can drop the excess pounds to feel good intrinsically. Fitness will be the pillar which will make you stronger physically and eventually mentally.

5) Take each day as it comes: Don't over-think your life situation

Being in love is one of the most innocent and beautiful feelings. This beauty and innocence can turn into horror and sadness when it is unrequited. Everything seems gloomy and life doesn't seem worth living at all.

An easy way to escape this emotional carnage is to keep reminding yourself to take each day as it comes. Wake up every morning and just think about the things you have to do during the day, nothing beyond it.

6) Be exhaustively busy: Take your mind away from your unrequited love

All forms of heartbreak including unrequited love have one common remedy – keeping yourself extremely busy. Load yourself with work, classes, hobbies and anything you can get your hands on. Depending on your situation, here are a few things you can do:

  • Take up more classes at college so that you can get ahead of the class
  • Ask for more responsibility at work, with the aim to get promoted
  • Take up a new hobby or revive your old ones

Apart from taking your mind away from the pain, being busy will also promote personal development. Any activity that adds value to your life will pay off in the long run.

7) Distance yourself from the person you love

Sometimes the only way to come to grips with the heartbreaking reality of unrequited love is to distance yourself from that person. This will be hard, especially if you have fallen in love with a friend.

Distance is the best way to take your mind away from the emotional mess. Being around that person will take you on a nasty and gut-wrenching emotional roller coaster.

Lighten up by spending more time with your friends.
Lighten up by spending more time with your friends.

8) Hang out with your friends and family

Whether you are catching up at the mall or meeting your besties for a sleepover, hanging out with your friends and even your family will help you take your mind away from the pain.

Being around people who can make you smile and laugh will also give you a sense of support. This is one of those times that make your realize that sometimes in life, friends are better than boyfriends and girlfriends.

9) Leave your hopes behind: Accept the fact that you will never be with that person

The sadness of unrequited love will claw into your heart and scar it forever if you don't accept the fact that your love just wasn't mean to be. A lot of guys and girls keep hoping that love will eventually grow after they spend more time with that person. This may not be true and such false hopes can have a life changing emotional impact.

This sense of hope must be left behind. Express your love, ask that person out and if it doesn't click even after a few weeks or months, you should let go and move on. Spending months and years hoping that dependency will create love is a dangerous mistake. It is a one way street to emotional turmoil.

10) Think of what would you do if someone loved you but you did not love them back

A nice way of accepting the practical side of unrequited love is to put yourself in the shoes of the person who rejected you. Suppose someone loved you but you didn't feel the slightest bit of attraction towards that person. Ask yourself these questions:

  • Would you say I Love You to that person even if you didn't, just out of sympathy
  • Would you play with that person's feelings by pretending that you are in love, and use him or her for favors
  • How would you feel if that person kept pestering you by asking you out again and again

You will find that the answers to these questions will bring about a sense of calm. This will help you move on.

Start seeing other people. Maybe you are yet to meet your soul mate.
Start seeing other people. Maybe you are yet to meet your soul mate.

11) Start seeing new people or ask your friends to set you up

Wait a few weeks before you are past the initial shock of unrequited love. When you think you can survive a few flirty conversations, start becoming open to the possibility of seeing new people.

If you are unsure, ask your friends to set you up with someone nice. The fact that your friends are vouching for your date will put you to ease.

12) Pamper yourself and indulge in your interests

Pampering yourself physically and emotionally is a must if you want to heal faster. Whether you want to soak in a bathtub for hours while you read your favorite books or snuggle up in bed and watch the latest movies – do all the things that you love doing.

The agony and emotional pain of unrequited love is virtually unavoidable. It is impossible to not feel sad when someone does not love you back. This sense of depression can lead to a few weeks of uninterested and dull lifestyle. Anything that gives you pleasure will help you move past this lull.

13) Think of unrequited love as your life's biggest sacrifice

A nice way to rise above from the gallows of unrequited love is to think of it as your life biggest sacrifice. By letting go and forgetting your deepest desire, you will see yourself as a more mature person.

Sacrifices are not easy but sometimes in life, you have to leave something behind if you want to move forward. This is exactly the lesson you will learn if you treat your unrequited love as a necessary sacrifice that you had to make if you wanted to move ahead in your life.


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