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Divorce and the Extended Family - A Personal Story

Updated on July 18, 2011

Not Our Divorce

We got the call on a Tuesday night. Our sister-in-law cheated and was leaving my husband's brother. My husband's best friend. My sister-in-law and best friend. We couldn't do anything but cry and mourn. We mourned the loss of their relationship...we mourned the loss of our relationship with her. It was not our divorce, and the pain we felt could not measure up to what he was feeling. But the pain was there. And time does not heal all wounds.

Were There Signs?

So much of that time is a blur and there are so many questions that came up and to this day remain unanswered. Where there any signs? Did anyone know this was happening? How long was it going on? Is she crazy? Who would do something like this??

As her best friend, I now realize that the friendship I had cherished was partly in my head. I mean, how can you be so close to another person and share so many secrets, dreams and stories.? But not the biggest one?

She took texts in another room. She stopped coming to family functions. She went out on holidays with her new friends, without her husband. The biggest shock was New Years Eve when we found out she was going out and he stayed home with the baby.

So, yes, there were signs. Looking back, it's amazing that none of us saw them. But maybe we saw them, and buried any bad thoughts deep down inside, because, really, could any of us imagined that she would ever do this to our family?

Everyone Hurts

Divorce is between two people. But there are people behind those people. People who vacation together and meet for breakfast on the weekends. People who pick up your children like they are their own and cuddle and coo with them until they giggle so much they can't stand it. The pain is still there, every day. And as much as I'd like to think that in time the hurt will go away, I realize that it will always be there. I feel it when she smiles at me, or tells me we need to "catch up" and "go out for drinks" like we used to. How do you trust a person after a terrible betrayal?


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    • carol7777 profile image

      carol stanley 

      8 years ago from Arizona

      Divorce at its best is never easy. Everyone suffers and pays a dear price for the action of divorce.

    • Deb_in_CT profile imageAUTHOR


      10 years ago from Connecticut, USA

      Thanks, Will...I truly believe that every action in our lives prepares us for the future and shapes who we become. One outcome I was not expecting was how witnessing this separation strengthened my own marriage.

    • WillStarr profile image


      10 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      We ignore the obvious, almost blatant, signs because we are in denial. We just don't want to accept the fact that someone we desperately want to love and trust is neither lovable nor trustworthy.

      The other truth is that she will probably also cheat on her new love, and, since he too is a cheater, he will eventually cheat on her. They deserve one another..


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