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Domestic Violence: Get out because of your children!

Updated on November 26, 2013

Domestic violence! How children are affected

How does domestic violence affect Children?

Some people encourage women to stay with abusve partners because of their children. Some mother’s stay in abusive relationships because they believe it is best for their children to grow up with both parents. The stories below suggest that it is better for children to come from a broken home than to live in one!

One mother said ’ I was so busy dealing with the pain inside me , and protecting myself from the physical abuse, that I did not notice that my daughter had changed! Although she was only 6 when the abuse started, she can still recall several incidents of the abuse she witnessed! The result of this led to her becoming withdrawn and angry. She hardly had any friends at school, she became a target for bullies because she was always on her own. She seemed resentful of the whole world. She did not trust me, or anyone else and was always on the defensive. Then, on her 21st birthday, she dropped a bombshell! She said she had been sexually abused when she was only seven, by a friends son who was about ten at the time! I cried my eyes out! I felt I should have known! If only I had left! If only I had seen through my many tears! I thought I was staying because of her! I damaged my only child by staying!

Another Mum said, I decided to endure the abuse because of my children. I didn’t want them growing up without a father! I did not want to be labelled a single mother. He never hit me in front of them. To them he was the perfect Dad. When they were not there , he kicked me , punched me , shoved me and slapped me regularly! I never told the kids what was happening! Then one day, When my son was 13 and my daughter 8, he tried to strangle me. There i was, gasping for breath and struggling frantically to loosen his grasp. When I finally managed to, I ran out of the house, to a women’s refuge, I slept there , and went back home the following morning hoping to get the kids and leave. To my horror, he’d changed the lock’s!. He told the children he wouldn’t let me in because I had,had an affair! They have both refused to have anything to do with me! I haven’t seen then in the last 2 years!

One nine year old boy tried to kill himself, by taking an overdose . When asked why, he said, It must have been my fault that you got hit., if only I hadn’t been born! I used to stand at the top of the stairs and hear him say, how you were not the woman he'd married , and that you were fat and ugly. If I hadn’t been born, then you wouldn’t have put on weight and he wouldn’t have been so angry at you! This Mum said she hadn’t realised that the boy had heard or seen any of the abuse!.

My children all reacted in different ways said another Mum. The 12 year old began to wet the bed, the 14 year old began to truant and 16 year old became very aggressive! One day he threatened his teacher with a knife! When asked why he did it, he said 'He reminds me of my Dad! i want to kll him!

Every child has a right to live in peace ! Please do not let them suffer more than they already have! Get out before they are scarred for life!

Can children thrive in an abusive relationship?

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    • tracy imevbore profile image

      tracy imevbore 6 years ago from england

      it is difficult! You are doomed if you do, doomed if you don't! Thats why i have let them decide! my kids are 19 & 15 so i've left the choice to them. Hopefully they are old enough to know whats best for them. As mothers, our insticnt is to protect them. However, we must let them make choices hopefully based on how we have brought them up! My daughter saw more as she is older she saw that i had to struggle and be strong to overcome my ordeal, and she has promised herself that she will be a strong woman. She says she has forgiven him, but does not need to be hurt by him anymore! I cannot trivialise that. On the other hand, my son did not see as much, and feels he should have a relationship with his Dad. He does the chasing and keeps on being let down, then i have to deal with his unhappiness disappointment and anger! But because he has a very forgiving nature he continues to chase his Dad! Is it healthy? i do no know! but i respect his resillience and persistence as well. like i said earlier, doomed if you do, doomed if don't!

    • seekingpeace91 profile image

      seekingpeace91 6 years ago

      I know, it's so hard to watch them isn't it? My kids would love to never see their dad again but they don't have the power to refuse to visit. They certainly try, but then their dad takes me to court for enforcement of placement. (Great- punish the mom because of your poor relationship with the kids?? Force them to see you? Makes sense.) Whatever happens, you can't "win," and neither can the kids. But what I always wonder is, is it really detrimental to kids to not want to have contact with a parent? Everyone gasps if you say that, but maybe the kids are really healthier because they see what the other parent really is, and make a conscious choice not to associate with that. Sometimes I think our kids are stronger because of what they've had to go through, and how they handle it now, you know?

    • tracy imevbore profile image

      tracy imevbore 6 years ago from england

      i know how you feel my children have both reacted differently. My oldest refuses to see her dad at all now,she says it hurts too much when he behaves as if nothing haappened and also refuses to support her financially.

      On the other hand , the younger one tries to maintain a relationship with his Dad but keeps on getting disappointed by him. i've decided to respect their ways of handlng him , as i do not want to cause them anymore pain!

    • seekingpeace91 profile image

      seekingpeace91 6 years ago

      Another eye-opening hub, Tracy! One of the big reasons I'm so glad I got out of an emotionally abusive relationship was because I could see my kids becoming what I didn't ever want to see- my son exhibiting narcissistic tendencies and my daughter becoming more passive and meek. I didn't want them turning into him, or getting used like he uses others! Even now, because they still have to see him, I have to find the balance between helping them recognize abuse, and tempering their anger at how he treats them. It's such a paradox.