How Revenge Is Sweet

ANOTHER SIDE OF ME!!!!

I know what you are all thinking, oh dear whining, moaning Minnie is hear again to depress us with too much sentimentality. Too many tales of whoa, no sense of humour at all, and such a depressive nature. Well think again because this truthful and mostly ashamedly tale is of REVENGE.

I was reading back over some of my hubs today and really thought 'would I actually spend my time to read these hubs?' and the answer was, 'Not without a box of tissues, a hot cup of tea, and some self pitying music to really set the scene.'

It is true to say that I have had many lessons to learn through my life, but I haven't always been such a saint that you mostly think I am. So I will spill the beans and bring you up to date with my dark side. Some of it anyway, don't want to scare you all away just this minute.

As a sad and lonely, single parent only child, ahhh, I did have friends to play with, so I am going back as far as I can recall. If I am to do this, I may as well do it right.

Lesson 1. Do not buy me an ice cream and ask me to share it with another little child, because this makes me push the said ice cream into the other child's face.

Lesson 2. Do not take me into the bank and make me sit quietly on a chair, because being very obedient, I stayed on the chair but moved it over to the counter to stand up and ask, "Will my money be safe in here?"

Lesson 3. Do not buy me a toy umbrella and tell me not to put it up in the store, only for me to find a lady with a short skirt looking into the freezer, for me to put the umbrella up as high as it would go, up her skirt.

It gets worse...

Well Ok that was kid's stuff, so I will progress a little further.

In secondary school, a friend of mine embarrassed me in front of the whole class. Being naive, wet behind the ears at the time, she encouraged me to ask "Miss what is an intercourse?" Class fell around in laughter, whilst I was marched to the headmaster for detention. Now not being very happy about this, in the following art class, I "accidentally" - actually, on purpose - knocked over a bottle of white spirit, taking the colour out of the green bias being used to re-cover the pool table; and guess who got the blame?

My first boyfriend, who I hasten to add was an angel compared to the one I married, would not take me to the outdoor pool after school on a Friday. Now this was a big issue to me as I wanted to get a tan! I later found out that on his night with his mates, where did he go? Yes, to the outdoor pool, so I dropped him like a tonne of bricks.  Heartless.

Growing up certainly makes you change. As I mellowed, my moments of revenge got more serious. On one occasion, my ex husband was sitting in his car with a magazine and cup of coffee when my stallion, Blue, shouted excitedly to the visiting mares, making Glenn jump. Glenn, in temper, threw his coffee hitting Blue in the face, grrrr, no one hits my horse. Several hours later, Glenn found himself wheeled out to the front garden with a brush shaft straight through the wheels of his wheelchair, with nowhere to turn and no one apart from me to hear him shout, he he.

As for my beautiful Teal who was shot to prove a point, Glenn made a huge mistake there. Just when he thought he had gotten away with it, I took a sledge hammer to his car bonnet making quite a mess. Oh revenge.

I have worked in media publishing for most of my adult career and was taking a lovely young man under my wing, wink wink, to find that he had taken a girl into my office to show her his fine tools on my office desk. Wow very big mistake, as several days later he found his car with four flat tyres and a lovely remake of his paint job telling his neighbours what I thought about him. I really hope that the inspection of his tools was worth the hassle!!

Now if a couple of my confessions has made you take a sharp intake of breath, I am terribly sorry. I just wanted to prove that I do have a sense of humour; rather twisted you'd say. And I can stand up and be reckoned with, but not all the time. But more so, and I must convince myself of this, I must treat you all to a happy hub, mmm pigs might fly, but not today. Watch this space.