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How to Get a Man to Commit

Updated on May 7, 2013

Getting a guy to commit, isn’t as much about settling down as it is slowing down. Most guys will probably always have a restlessness to them, a part that seeks to discover and explore, and construct but what is needed to keep him committed to coming back to you is fairly simple. Time can’t be controlled, but the pace at which it seems to pass and the pace at which decisions need made can be controlled. Promote an environment at the right pace, with the right amount of intrigue and commitment will follow.

From a woman’s perspective, time is naturally a sensitive element, since biologically, a woman’s time frame to have a child isn’t nearly as long as a man’s ability to father a child. For that reason, the pressure a woman puts on locking down a life that will provide that stability, equally and oppositely generates a fear for men who are not quite ready for their life to fully unfold.

Considering this fact is key if your guy seems to be a slow jog to nowhere when it comes to commitment. It may be that he really likes you, may even think you are “the one”, but is afraid to commit because he isn’t sure or comfortable about all he wants his life to be. Guys see commitment as the first step in the natural process of girlfriend, wife, kids, death and like to push that off as long as they can, or until they are confidently ready.

Because of this, a pace that doesn’t seem too rushed is best to bring about commitment. Slow and steady wins the race. Recognizing that effort and an emotional investment goes into a relationship, time isn’t infinite to wait around for something that may or may not happen, but being realistic, don’t rush it either.


Like a forest overplanted with trees, big things need space to grow. While time is not controllable, space is definitely the biggest asset in the arsenal to control the pace of the relationship. If things start moving too fast, guys want to pull back and toss things around. We aren’t global thinkers like women, where we draw endless correlations between thoughts. We need time to process what is really going on and check if its jives with what we want and with where we are at in our own lives. The worse thing a woman could do is suffocate and limit space, pressing the issues at hand. Again, its all about balance, too much space and your guy may never feel the need to act. So be mindful.

Decisions that are yours or his, tend to create more negative energy than good. If you’re looking for commitment, don’t make it seem likes its your idea. Inevitably, it will fall back onto you as you pressuring your agenda. Make it seem like it’s a non-issue by joining in activities and conversation that are value added, things that show the benefits of a committed relationship. Little things, like running errands, or making dinner, late night conversations and being reliable for important things in life. Fake it till you make it. Even if your relationship isn’t committed, go through the motions as if it were. Most guys don’t think about the mechanics of a relationship nearly as much as a woman does, so if you act, its likely he’ll follow your lead.

The reason why things we can’t have are so alluring is because we keep coming back thinking we are getting closer to maybe attaining the impossible. Just like the theory that married men are more attractive then single men, because they’ve already proven their commitment worthy, guys love a woman who keeps them interested. So don’ make it so easy. Pressing commitment, over the top I-love-You’s, I-Miss-You’s, only make it overly comfortable for a guy to sit back and relax that he has you.

This isn’t to say, play hard to get, but you want to keep your mate coming back for more. The best way to do this, is control how much you give and how easy it is to get it. Its not a game, and by no means stop being true to yourself, but take inventory of how you act in your relationship and if you are overly available or temptingly unavailable, worthy of chase. Think about a long-distance relationship and what qualities exist that make that time when you’re face to face so electric. You can create that in your day to day relationship if you’re conscious enough in how you’re coming off and aware of the extent that you go to present your intentions.

Sometimes a guy looks for the wrong things to justify why he shouldn’t commit. If you take away those reasons, there is little left to clutter his thought process. Being flexible, inventive and creative avoiding the same routine time after time will keep things interesting. Don’t be afraid to step outside of your mold and try new things. People like being around those who expand their own horizons and enhance their own knowledge bank. While a lot of people tend to focus on what they have in common with their partner, pay attention to what you have that is different. After all, it is your differences that are the assets that you bring to the table. Its not exciting to be constantly surrounded by familiarity, it may be comforting, but comfortable keeps a guy looking for something more exciting.

Commitment isn’t so much about a decision as it is a lifestyle. If you use the elements to your advantage; creating healthy space, allowing a natural unrushed pace and provide enough intrigue to keep things interesting, commitment is merely a formality to punctuate a dedicated relationship that fuels a desire to keep coming back for more.



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