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How to Let Go of an Ex Boyfriend

Updated on June 21, 2014 | Source

It's Time To Move On

Serious relationships can be very difficult to recover from when they end. Whether you were the one who called it quits or he severed the sentiment, break-ups are never simple. It's rare that two people can walk away feeling fine, if it ever happens that way at all. But when it does end, instead of clinging to something that no longer exists, take a healthier approach and take your life by the reins. You're driving this rig. Where would you like to go now?

Go hang out with your friends! They probably miss you.
Go hang out with your friends! They probably miss you. | Source

Focus on the Positives

  • It's easy to get a distorted view of what is wrong about your life. If you spend your time absorbed with scanning your ex's Facebook page, how will you ever get back out into the world? Instead of spending your time investigating Facebook, start a blog about topics that interest you. There are many free blogging sights where you can visit as often or as little as you prefer.
  • Have you been calling and listening to his voicemail? It's terrible for your psyche and he knows it's you. Every time you feel like calling him, call your grandmother or your best friend. instead. Granny would love to hear from you. If you lost your best friend because you and your boyfriend were too serious this is the perfect time for you to apologize. Friends are truly forever.
  • It's time to take down the shrine. All of the pictures of him you have hanging around your house should be put in a box or suitable storage container.There's no reason to tear up your photos - the ones you have left. All of his t-shirts, sweatshirts and other personal items you mysteriously ended up with, need to be put away or returned to him.

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  • It's okay to accept the fact that the two of you are not meant to be. Women are perfectly capable of
  1. Making decisions for themselves
  2. Being alone and independent
  3. Getting an education
  4. Making money
  5. Starting over
  • Avoid feeling like you have to alter your personality to become someone you "think" he wants you to be. The only person you have to be is YOU. You CANNOT now, and you NEVER will be able to change a man and you shouldn't have to change for a relationship. When you feel blue because you didn't meet his expectations, recognize that you've been good enough for God, your family and yourself.
  • Don't allow your brain to get into the depths of thinking that you aren't valuable and no man will have you. You will be what you say you are and what you think you are. Make a list of all your best qualities and focus on those. What your ex thought was bad about you is his problem. He's gone now.
  • Staying friends after a difficult break-up is often the trump card for a guaranteed on-call-booty-call. That's not for you. While there are many men with truly sincere hearts, it doesn't develop until a little life happens or 40 - whichever comes first. You're first priority is taking care of you, not maintaining a friendship that will most likely make you feel badly every time you see him.

Spend time with your grandmother.
Spend time with your grandmother. | Source

Being Strong

  • When you finally meet in public, hold it together girl! You can fake anything, I just know it. There's no reason to lose your cool now. Say hello and be civil, nothing more or less. You don't have to have a conversation or even offer any small talk. Always stay in control.
  • Don't allow yourself to wallow in your gloom. You have friends and family and the internet. Stay active and busy. Do extra work or take up a hobby. There is always something to do. Avoid becoming involved in drowning yourself in a brewski or a bottle of wine. If you make that a habit your emotions might get the best of you.
  • Give yourself permission to let go and be happy. There is no reason to hang on to negative feelings. Happiness is a good thing and it's contagious. If you've ever been around someone who is in a terrible mood all the time, eventually you'll find you don't want to be around them anymore. Happiness and harmony have the same effect.
  • Change the subject. If someone brings up the break-up, simply tell them that it's in the past and not worth talking about then change the subject. Viola! It's going to take some practice before you can maneuver it that easily but eventually it will be forgotten by everyone.
  • From time to time you might have to force yourself to stop thinking about him. Perhaps have a setback now and then. Shake it off and start again.
  • Now that you have some tools and ideas you can get off the couch or turn off the computer and start getting over him. Call your best friend, get in touch with your grandmother, start a blog, write a story. No matter what you decide to do to be finished with him, it's time to move on the past and start living today.


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    • krsharp05 profile image

      Kristi Sharp 5 years ago from Born in Missouri. Raised in Minnesota.

      MsDora, Thanks for the great comment. I absolutely agree. It seems that when a friend is unlucky in love or is crushed all together, the commitment of a girl to her best friends is renewed. Unfortunately a lot of girls either forget or don't realize the importance of having a good friend and being a good friend. I hope to teach our daughter to think more logically when it comes to loving relationships. I appreciate your input. -K

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Weithers 5 years ago from The Caribbean

      Never underestimate the power of female friendships. They can be very affirming and supportive when then men disappoint us. I love the tone and the common sense advice in this hub.

    • abbykorinnelee profile image

      Abigayle Malchow 5 years ago from Ripon Wisconsin

      Thank you:) Took me a long time though to learn this...and you have a great holiday season as well.

    • krsharp05 profile image

      Kristi Sharp 5 years ago from Born in Missouri. Raised in Minnesota.

      abbykorinnelee, You are definitely a good example for other women! It's not the end of the world after all. Congratulations! Women who are raised by strong women seem to have a better chance so lucky for you, you're on a good roll! Thanks for your comments. Happy Holidays and best of luck in love! -K

    • abbykorinnelee profile image

      Abigayle Malchow 5 years ago from Ripon Wisconsin

      I have to say that this is the first time since I was fifteen I wasn't in a relationship...its been two years and I have let it all finally go, all the ex's and am feeling liberated. I hope that more women strive to let go too.

    • krsharp05 profile image

      Kristi Sharp 5 years ago from Born in Missouri. Raised in Minnesota.

      abbykorinnelee, Thank you for reading and commenting. I like the idea of women taking back their lives and it seems like pretty much every woman has been in this situation. If I can help, I'm all for that. I appreciate your input. -K

    • abbykorinnelee profile image

      Abigayle Malchow 5 years ago from Ripon Wisconsin

      Very interesting and useful...something almost everyone can use. Good Job.