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How to deal with unhappiness in your marriage? Make it go away!

Updated on December 5, 2013

‘It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.’ – Friedrich Nietzsche

When you have happiness and contentment in your married life, you find it easy to co-exist in peace with your spouse. But when you have problems and issues with him\her, you are under great pressure and find it impossible to be relaxed and normal.

What qualities would you quote as reasons for unhappiness in your married life?

  • Incompatibility
  • Intolerance
  • Lack of spacing and freedom
  • Uncaring spouse
  • Lost love
  • Financial debacle and debts
  • Infidelity and distrust
  • Complete indifference

If you notice the qualities listed above, there are no irrevocable problems in your marriage and it can be solved, provided you both work towards it. Like happiness, unhappiness is also a mindset. You can be happy or unhappy in your marriage. It all depends on how you look at your married life.

When does unhappiness creep into your married life?

When your idealistic expectations are dashed to the ground you feel that your marriage is a failure. This is one mistake most couples make. You fail to understand that your expectations are based on your way of looking at marriage and need not be towed by your spouse.

Is your spouse a culprit just because your expectations are not fulfilled? He\she is not, as he\she is a different person with different tastes and wishes. When your wishes and desires clash and disagree with that of your spouse there is total disharmony in your married life.

There are some basic rules of a good marriage and it is a must for leading a happy life with your spouse. You cannot live without it and it is the core of a good marriage.

  • You cannot do without love
  • You cannot survive without money
  • You cannot co exist without respect
  • You cannot live with your spouse if there is no trust and loyalty

These qualities form the foundation of marriage and the rest is your way of looking at things.

  • You are demonstrative in showing your love whereas your spouse does not show it openly.
  • You want to save money, whereas your spouse likes spending.
  • You are talkative whereas your spouse is taciturn.
  • You are emotional whereas your spouse is practical.

Do the opposite qualities of your spouse in anyway make him\her a callous spouse?

Does it make your marriage worthless and unhappy?

No, it does not.

Your spouse can be different in nature and you cannot expect him\her to change according to your inclinations.

When you analyze the reasons for your unhappiness, you find that you look at everything from your angle and want him\her to behave according to your expectations. Do you know that there is no perfect marriage in the whole world? There are only good couples who take their mismatch practically and adjust to it.

It is true that lack of love can make you feel completely lost in your marriage. You should not let things drift apart between you and your spouse and you should make efforts to bring back the lost love into your married life. Without money you cannot have a moment of peace. So, when you earn, you should save money and secure the financial future of your family.

Trust and loyalty give credibility to your marriage and when your married life does not have it; your unhappiness is valid and true. Mutual respect makes you feel wanted and loved.

The other expectations you have are individualistic and do not define unhappiness in your marriage. You can easily adjust to your spouse if you really want your marriage to work. Making your marriage a haven of happiness is all in your hands and it is not an uphill task too. Why opt for unhappiness when you can harvest immense happiness in your marriage with just a little effort?

© 2013 mathira


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    • mathira profile image

      mathira 4 years ago from chennai

      Brian, it is couples who understand that happiness and unhappiness are part and parcel of married life who make it a success. Thank you for the visit.

    • Brian Prickril profile image

      Brian Prickril 4 years ago from Savannah, GA

      You have such a deep understanding of this subject. I have experienced so many different stages of happiness and unhappiness in my marriage. So much of what you say is true and it is a never ending challenge with the self.

    • mathira profile image

      mathira 4 years ago from chennai

      elle, yes marriage is a long journey with it own unique ups and downs. Thank for the visit.

    • mathira profile image

      mathira 4 years ago from chennai

      MG.Singh thank you.

    • elle64 profile image

      elle64 4 years ago from Scandinavia

      I think maariage is a journey which has it ups and downs- thanks for the advice.

    • MG Singh profile image

      MG Singh 4 years ago from Singapore

      Good article about a normal human failing