How to live a fulfilling life after divorce
Life after Divorce
Relationship is fun when the two parties truly have each others back. Its sweet when you both have the same goal and desire to make it work, when you both share the same dream and belong to the same world of reality.
What obtains today in most relationship is beyond comprehension. I remember having to go through a marriage that I knew was headed for divorce even before it took off. Sometimes we see hand writings on the wall but remain shrouded in fantasy and wishful thinking of what would change with time. I came to realise in the course of my life that you cannot totally change a partner unless he/she takes concerted effort to change. For crying out loud, its no fun trying to mold a teenager not to talk of a formed adult.This is why you should look deeply before you leap.
On the other hand, you cant be too sure even when you look deeply into a soul. You only see the surface, the tip of the iceberg; what is embed in the iceberg remains buried within.
I read about one of my favorite actress Sandra Bullocks' annoucement of her divorce and it confirmed the fact that you can only see what your partner allows you to see. While Sandra was busy sweating it out on location, James was catching real fun. Sandra Bullock at the Golde Globes told James that her work got better when he met him because he 'got her back'. To what extent did he get her back? Voila, the annoucement of divorce came ten days later due to James' infidelity.
That is just one out of several reasons why divorce takes place. I have been through it so I know better. For me, its not so much about the divorce now but making the best out of yourlife after divorce.
Why should you bury your lives in regret and pity when you can turn sour story to success story? Here are some tips:
Move on: You need to accept the fact within yourself that it is completely over and you want to start afresh. Walloying in self pity would not help matters. If you continue to go back and forth, thinking about what you lost in the relationship and whishing you'd have it back, you would not move on with life. Whatever you attempt to do will come to naught because you are yet to let go.
Be Determined: Determination to succeed is very key. What are your goals after divorce? It took me years to make up my mind to walk out of my eleven years marriage. I wished and hoped for years that things would change and we would start living like a couple but you know, it takes two to tango, we were in different worlds. But when I made up my mind in 2004, I knew there was no turning back. But then I was afraid of what lies in stock for me and my son. I promised to be a good mother to my son and give him the best within my reach. I devoted my attention to him and his educational success. I was determined to be at my best after divorce, face my career and raise a happy family. I talked to myself severally i could do it and I did it. Today the story is different. So make up your mind to succeed and you will.
Be Focused: When you are single, you are prone to so many temptations because, you have your freedom all over again. You can do whatever you want without anyone looking out for you or monitoring you. Be careful! Guys would hover round you knowing or thinking that you are available. Watch out! A lot are sheep's in wolf's clothing. They want to have a bite and move on. You need to make up your mind what you want to do with your love life but if you ask me, I'd say, don't jump at it, take your time to get over your wound because when you are hurting you can't think straight and if you take another plunge at this time you might drown. Once beaten twice shy!
Take Action: Think of something you have always desired as a career that you have not been able to do or that you have done halfway and abandoned. Something that drives your ingenuity and passion. You may have loved to sing but for some reason you have not been able to. This is the time, go for it. Involve yourself in several activities to engage you, don't create idle moments that will drag you into depression. Look at Sandra Bullocks, she opted to adopt after her divorce and I believe that makes her happier than she could have imagined. Its all about you and your desire!
Give yourself a treat: The fact that you are no longer married doesn't mean you shouldn't appreciate yourself. As a matter of fact, this is the time to boost you confidence by making effort to remain attractive to yourself. Get a massage, a facial, manicure or simply go shopping for items to enhance your looks. You must remain happy for yourself because nobody can make you happy but you. You can take a vacation to a resort or somewhere quiet. Treat yourself to memorable events and you would come back a happier person.
Volunteering: You may choose to volunteer in a community program. Sure you'd get to meet different people who perhaps are in similar situation or have gone through it before. Rub minds, divorce is not a plague, when you talk about it, your mind becomes open and receptive to new things.
Link a good friend: No matter how bad its been, there will be someone to turn to when you are down. Think of a good friend that you trust, who will not rub your situation in, whom you can depend on and share thougths. This is the time to know your true friends so whatch out, but when you find one, make the best of the relationship especially when you need a shoulder to lean on.We all do sometimes.
Engage in act of charity: Lend a hand to someone. You may think you are going through a tough time but there's someone out there that's going through worse. You can give anything as simple as a smile or advice.We all need someone to be there for us don't be selfish, look out for someone who is in a worse situation and give a helping hand. Touch a soul!
Learn to relax: Avoid tension, learn to relax. If you love movies or music, enjoy it. Go to the beach, treat yourself to a lovely dinner. Read, if you are a book lover. Take a walk. If you have a pet, share some walking moments in the garden and take in some fresh air.
Be Creative: Create a 'This is my life' review complete with pictures, laid with music and simply create a movie for yourself. Place a lot of funny and memorable pictures of interesting places you have been to or interesting people you have met. You'd be surprised how refreshing a movie you'd get.
Don't give up: Remember happiness only comes from within. No one can make you happy unless you chose to be. Stay happy for yourself and tell yourself over and over again 'I am divorced, so what? I will rise and shine again'. You never know, love may be locking around the corner.
- How to Maintain Self-Worth after a Breakup
The more painful the breakup, the less aware you are of what you still have as opposed to what you lost. Throughout the grief and anger self-worth should be among the values you focus on maintaining.