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Infidelity... 9 Signs Of Cheating In A Marriage

Updated on December 13, 2012

Cheating and the 9 signs to look for in your reltionship...

Infidelity in marriage is one of the leading causes of divorce in many countries, tearing apart homes and disrupting the lives of many children, knowing why husband and wife’s cheat is important, as is learning what the signs of cheating actually are.

One study has shown that 2/3 women (26-36 million women) whose husbands were unfaithful had no idea of the affair, largely due to a failure on their part to recognize the tell tail signs.

Just being suspicious of an affair is hurtful enough and the anger that swiftly follows that hurt can led many to a first mistake when dealing with this situation in relationships.

By confronting your partner with accusations of an affair, two things instantly will happen.


First, you have straight away entered into denial, he will look you in the eye and lie, and he may even get angry and turn it all around on you, "How could you ask me that?"

"I thought our relationship was better than this" the list goes on... only 7% of men confess to an affair without prompting, and a large 67 % of men will never confess to cheating and will only do so when undeniable proof is in front of them, leaving a very small ratio of men who will confess when first asked.

The second thing that happens is that if he (or she) is having an affair, he will be even more careful now, making your work at finding the truth that much harder, as you have just tipped your hand in a big way.

As hard as it might sound, you have to play your cards close to your chest, keep control of your suspicion and look for further signs of infidelity before confronting your partner.

I am not suggesting that you snoop, or invade their privacy to find evidence but by simply paying attention to them and your relationship you may find more than enough to start with...

9 Signs of cheating

1. Defensive Behavior

He or she may start to be overly critical with you, gets angry over smaller issues than usual. Adulterer's can also be overly sensitive or closed off about their actions not wishing to justify or explain themselves.

2. Changes in affection and sex.

A dropping of everyday affection and small intimacies may not be noticed straightway, but the lack of those small little details will add up, as your partner may avoid touching you as much as they once may have, less cuddling, kissing and terms of endearment.

Sex if it doesn’t drop off completely may lack the affection and tenderness it once had, your partner may want to suddenly try new things in the bedroom with you being more dominant and self-sure.

3. Lifestyle, habits and attitude changes.

if slowly over time patterns and habits that have long been in place are replaced with new interests and hobbies that don’t include you, any changes in his daily routine that change without any warning or explanation to you his partner are all reasons to be concerned below are a few other things that i believe fall under this heading as well...

*Your partner grows indifferent to family events, holidays birthdays etc.

*Your partner doesn’t want to go anywhere with you

*your partner leaves their religion or starts a new one out of the blue

*Partner seems bored

*Gets lazy around the house

*suddenly possessive over personal items such as phone, computer, wallet and car

*Picks fights in order to leave in a huff and be uncontactable

*Starts keeping an overnight bag in car or office

*mutual friends start to behave differently (either they know or you have been vilified to them)

*Unexplained phone calls at odd times


4. Unexplained Absences.

Any unexplained Absences or time lost should be of concern. Working back at late at the office, more business meetings than usual, trips away, working over the holidays, and even shorter snippets of time, like an unusually long dog walk, a trip to the shops takes three hours instead of half. Of course some of these can have innocent explanations, he or she may be working extra hard, or really did meet that friend up the road for coffee unexpectedly

But if it’s happening frequently with other things on this list, then it most defiantly becomes a sign of an unfaithful partner.

5. Financial woes.

Money starts to become an issue as he (or she) is spending more outside the relationship, Bills being ferreted away out of your sight, locked or taken to work is deceptive and a clear sign that something is going on that he doesn’t want you to know about.

6. Wardrobe changes.

Nothing like a wardrobe renovation to set the alarm bells ringing, this can be as subtle as wearing a new cologne or perfume to an all-out new look. Paying more attention to their appearance may be indicator that there is someone they are trying to please,

7. Communication problems.

If your partner is having an affair there may be less communication between you, he may avoid spending time with you and when does he is less likely to want to talk , he or she may come across as secretive, defensive, starting fights with you or avoiding them all together.

The use of stories, excuse and sometimes all out lying can erode the trust in a relationship faster than anything else and can be the calling card of living with a cheater.

But any sign of emotional withdrawal like this in a marriage should be discussed as it may have other reasons than infidelity, but it makes this list for a reason and shouldn’t be discounted especially if your partner is displaying other signs on this list.

8. Alone time.

Your partner may start expressing a need for solitude, or time with his friends, even going as far as to encourage you yourself to go out more, to spend time with family and friends without him which of course would free him up more time for other "pursuits".

9. Follow your instincts.

You know your relationship better than anyone and just the very fact that you asking the question in the first place tell you that something is wrong follow your instincts, if your gut tells you that something is off then check it out.

A lot of these signs on the list can have many innocent reasons individually, but research done has shown that these 9 important factor when added together are very good guide when trying to find the truth of infidelity in marriage.

I am a big believer in truth and honesty in marriage, try to talk with your partner be open to hear the worst and hopefully you will receive the same in return.

Not every marriage who suffers an affair ends in divorce, time and counseling can do wonders if the love and the willingness to forgive and change is there.

Have You Ever Cheated On Your Partner?

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    • nighthag profile image

      K.A.E Grove 3 years ago from Australia


      having been with my husband for over 18 years I am a big believer in that knowledge is power, we as wives and husbands need to learn how to protect our relationships, ever building them stronger. you are so right in that infidelity is a huge killer of marriage as it breaks down the trust and erodes the love, knowing the signs may be a way to begin the healing before the damage is too late.

    • mathira profile image

      mathira 3 years ago from chennai

      nighthag, infidelity is the number one killer of marriage. Your hub was an interesting analysis of the signs of cheating and made an absorbing reading.

    • profile image

      dr 5 years ago

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    • nighthag profile image

      K.A.E Grove 5 years ago from Australia

      Thank you so very much being married I found researching this hub to be quite interesting

      So glad you got something out of it


    • CindyNicolson profile image

      CindyNicolson 5 years ago from Cape Town, South Africa

      This is an excellent hub! Def a vote up.

    • nighthag profile image

      K.A.E Grove 5 years ago from Australia

      Thank you so much for stopping in, I really do think that fore warned is forearmed :)

    • savvydating profile image

      Yves 5 years ago

      I hope more women read this hub and the stats you've included in it. All of your insights are highly significant. Thanks for writing this article.

    • nighthag profile image

      K.A.E Grove 6 years ago from Australia

      there are so many consequences to infidelity that sadly the most dangerous ones can get overlooked ... truly a tragic story

    • profile image

      a friends friend 6 years ago

      there is this one woman who had her husband cheat on her b4 they were married and they ended up getting back together. Turns out that the woman he cheated on her with had aids and now there divorced but they both have aids. Sad stories.

    • nighthag profile image

      K.A.E Grove 6 years ago from Australia

      Most men don't confess without hard evidence in front of them, and even then some men will still go down fighting that it wasn't them. if your friend feels that something is wrong within her relationship then there is a good chance that she is right. Listening to our instincts is the best thing a woman can do ( in so many instances) I hope that she finds the answers that she is seeking, sooner rather than later... thanks so much for the vote up

    • tlpoague profile image

      Tammy 6 years ago from USA

      This is very useful information. I know of a guy that swore up and down he didn't cheat on his wife, but she told me about how things changed. She never could catch him, but he still watches smut on the internet and kept the same friends that have cheated on their spouses around. Finding the proof is hard, but he is flirting with disaster. She is the type of woman that will not leave him until she sees hard proof that he is having an affair. Great hub! Voted up!

    • nighthag profile image

      K.A.E Grove 6 years ago from Australia

      I am so glad that you found the information here useful

    • mrsbudryzer profile image

      mrsbudryzer 6 years ago from Jersey Shore

      Great hub. Very informative.

    • nighthag profile image

      K.A.E Grove 6 years ago from Australia

      I have to agree that respect is a huge factor in marriage, and cheating is a very disrespectful thing to do, both to the vows you made and to the partner you claim to love.

    • profile image

      Justfoud out 6 years ago

      If there's no re spect in a marriage there's nothing and he he didn't respect u when he cheated

    • nighthag profile image

      K.A.E Grove 6 years ago from Australia

      It is a very painful confusing thing to do, with the consquences always leaving someone hurt. even the cheater themselves

    • accofranco profile image

      accofranco 6 years ago from L Island

      Cheating in marriage is unacceptable...thanks...thanks..tell us if we would listen...

    • nighthag profile image

      K.A.E Grove 6 years ago from Australia

      maintaining trust in a marriage is very important and the easiest way to do that is to keep the communication as healthy as you can, Thank you

    • acaetnna profile image

      acaetnna 6 years ago from Guildford

      Marriage certainly has to be worked at. In my opinion communication and trust are the keys to a happy marriage. Thank you for a very informative hub.

    • nighthag profile image

      K.A.E Grove 7 years ago from Australia

      oh i couldn't agree more, marriage is always a work in progress and couples really need to work on keeping their communication open and honest, and the spark that brought them together in first place alive.

      Thanks so much for taking the time to read

    • DREAM ON profile image

      DREAM ON 7 years ago

      When the love and trust between two people is broken it is hard but not impossible to fix.If there is trouble brewing fix it before one person tends to stray.I think more couples wouldn't cheat on each other if they could just rekindle the love they once had.Nice informative hub.

    • nighthag profile image

      K.A.E Grove 7 years ago from Australia

      forewarned is forearmed glad you found it useful

    • kirutaye profile image

      kirutaye 7 years ago from London, UK

      Useful to know. Thanks for sharing.