ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Is there a secret to attracting women?

Updated on June 26, 2011

I've been musing about sites promising men they will attract more women using their product lately. Most of them are probably outright scams. Many basically tell you to act like a jerk or otherwise tell you to be something you're not. Almost all of them claim to be scientific—though I don't see any citations to peer-reviewed scientific material. With maybe one or two exceptions, they all treat women as if they are all exactly the same.

Seriously, I doubt that any of them truly work. At most, they merely instill confidence. Any “success” achieved will have more to do with the numbers.

Yeah, I know women say they want confident men. But let's look the one overwhelming fact—women reject most men's advances. Even setting aside impediments like having a husband/boyfriend, this fact remains true. Look at it this way. If a guy has plucked up enough courage to approach a woman, they must have at least some confidence. And most men have already done some self-rejection before approaching a woman, i.e., they don't try to hit on women they think are out of their reach. So a man is almost always confident enough there is at least some chance of success.

And it won't do to say something like women don't like men to appear to be too timid or too cocky. So now it isn't enough to “be confident.” I have to be confident enough, but not too confident. But both timidity and cockiness are in the eyes of the beholder. So the advice “be confident” has really just been rendered moot. Confidence may be helpful in attracting women, but it isn't the key.

Instilling confidence can be important, but not because it necessarily has any effect on the women you meet. It's really all just in the numbers.

Let's say that women, on average, reject you 90% of the time. Now let's say you approach on one in 10,000 women. Take a room of 10,000 women that you would find desirable. You will only approach one and get rejected.

But now you have “the secret!” You still haven't become the bravest guy in the world. You still only approach the women you think are within your reach. But now suddenly you are approaching 1 in 1,000 women. In that same room of women, you now approach 100 of them. Lo and behold, ten of them accept your advances. You get a little bolder, and start approaching 1 in 100 women. Now 100 of them accept your advances! This is starting to sound good, isn't it?

Not really, because you're still being rejected by 90% of the women you approach! The “success” you now have has nothing to do with “the secret” and everything to do with the simple fact you are approaching more women.

I think that is the dirty little secret of all these products promising you will attract more women. It doesn't really matter whether they increase your success rate. All they have to do is instill a little more confidence, making you approach more women then you would have before. And you will think your being more successful with women when “the secret” has done nothing to improve your success rate.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)