"Letters to YOU" Re: when should I start an intimate relationship with a new partner?
I have finally given up and decided to write this hub as a reply to numerous requests from my friends (who are far from being teenagers believe it or not!). I am not going to talk about teenage sex, because it’s a completely different story. However, as an adult, perhaps you are still concerned and undecided about the following question: when should I start an intimate relationship with a new partner – is it appropriate on a first date or is it better to wait for a couple of months? From my quick survey I can say that there are two opposing views. The first one is that the sooner partners start sex life, the shorter their relationship will be. A second view: if the feelings are there, real and strong then why wait to have sex?
The question of whether or not to sleep on the first date becomes especially important when you actually ARE on the 1st date and you realized that there is a strong chemistry between you and your partner. It is very easy to cross the fine line between “just relationship” and “intimate relationship” – it’s WHAT HAPPENS AFTER that worries you. When people begin dating each other, subconsciously they always know what to expect. From my experience, when I say "I do not know, let's see what happens" – I usually mean either a) I don’t really want to have sex with you not now not ever or b) I fancy you too much and scared to say a sentence, let alone have sex!
According to sociological research, a third of women at least once had sex on a first date, but half of them regret it. Moreover, if a woman refuses to have sex on a first date, then the probability that a man will go with her on the second date is shockingly 50x50. I don’t have statistics whether it’s a 50x50 chance of a second date if a man refuses sex on the first date. J
So let's talk about what awaits the woman if she sleeps with a man on a first date, after a week and a month.
People who engage in sexual activities on a first date, do not just love sex, but are confident that they will not disappoint each other. If you ask me, I don’t think first date is appropriate for sex. After all, it’s a first DATE not a first SEX. Let’s see some advantages and concerns (remember – this is just the data I’ve collected from people I know).
- Based on whether you liked sex or not, you can decide whether this is the person you want to be in a relationship with
- No time wasted – if the sex is good, you will just continue enjoying it; if it’s bad – you don’t have to see this person ever again
- What is my partner going to think of me? (Am I too easy, desperate, available etc…)
- What do I actually know about this person? (STD’s and pregnancies are the main concerns)
- What if I am too nervous and won’t live up to expectations? (Can be refused a second chance how fantastic you are!)
However, marriage is possible. Especially if there is an unplanned pregnancy and a gentleman involved.
During this time you can meet 2-4 times, to know each other better, decide whether the feeling of attraction is still there and is growing stronger. However, at the same time chances that the relationship will reach the altar are quite slim (Approximately 20%). In other words, sex in a week - is the beginning of a short term relationship based on sex and lust..
Some cool stats I found - a month after dating - 80% of women themselves provoke sex. You see, dear men, all you have to do is just stop begging and wait for a month!! (unless you are one of the unlucky men, dating the rest of the 20% women). After a month, women want to show men how good they are in bed, and at the same time to thank you for waiting. One month of abstinence, characterizes the beginning of a serious relationship. Partners are already well aware of each other and realize the importance of their relationship. .
Only one man out of all my male friends said – “If I wait that long, I might as well enjoy the journey to the goal. As soon as I achieve it, there are only 2 options – I will either dump my partner because I just wanted to get what I want or I will marry the girl!”. The rest of the guys said “it’s impossible to wait that long if there is a chemistry between partners, unless you are a hopeless romantic”. 100% of my female friends said they were not willing to wait that long.
In general, it all depends on your upbringing, religion, personal experience and importance of sex in a relationship. Although, if this is love, what difference does it make when you started intimate relationship? I’d just like to say - firstly, nobody said that these figures should be taken as an absolute truth. Secondly, it does not apply to you if you’ve never had sex (this topic deserves a separate article). Also, sex is not the only deciding factor in the length of your relationship (I personally know women that are in long lasting relationships, who love their partners but never had an orgasm). I believe it’s worth thinking about what you expect from a relationship before you do things that cannot be undone. Even though it’s the XXI century, I still want to say that sex is not the same as dinner. At the end of the day, even before dinner, we always check the time, wondering whether to dine early or not.
Be healthy, happy and wealthy…. & remember: “Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer"
Always by your side,