- Gender and Relationships
Meeting Yourself before Meeting Your Soul Mate
Knowing who you are is very important. If you don’t know who you are when you get in a serious relationship, you may end up “meshing” with their personality traits and interests. Meshing or enmeshment can cause you to lose your self-identity. This is a dangerous game to play, because when your true identity DOES come out, you may find you are with someone you are not compatible with.
All too often, people dating each other can become infatuated with each other or afraid of being alone, causing them to stay in the wrong relationship. Often this same couple gets married. Then, they discover that they have huge differences in major areas.
Areas of Differences
Hobbies and Interests
Morals and Values
Why Is It So Important to Get to Know Yourself?
You must “meet” and get to know yourself so that you do not deny your true nature. Your self-identity will reveal itself in time. The key is not to keep yourself bottled up and hidden, because later you may be unhappy with whom you have turned out to be.
People have a perfect dating relationship, they marry, and then once they are living together, they discover huge differences (see the above table). When you are opposites in those areas of difference, much conflict can occur.
Many young women especially approaching their 30’s have a strong desire to get married as fast as they can. They worry they will be an old lonely spinster and will often marry the first decent guy who comes along.
The problem with settling is that you may be unaware of what your personality really is, who you really are, and what kind of person you want for a lifelong romantic partner. You cannot find the right person to marry until you know exactly who you are!
1. Ask Yourself 101 Questions
Get to know yourself by asking yourself questions; try some questions that another person might ask you. By learning who you really are, you will become very aware of all the characteristics and personality traits you were born with.
- Self Enlightenment: 101 Questions to Learn Who You Are
Do you wonder what your true likes and dislikes are? Have you turned into someone only for others’ approval? Know the real you by answering these self identity questions. Meet yourself before dating!
How well do you think you know yourself?
2. Create and Maintain a Preferences Journal
If the questions are difficult because you are having trouble with self-identity, consider using a preference journal to find out how the unique person you are today was created.
As you go about your week, write down things you are confident you like and dislike. Get to know exactly who you are. Don’t turn into a society drone. Become well-rounded, and you may find more opportunities in your life.
Title the journal, “My Preferences,” and write down things such as:
I love pizza.
I hate peppers.
Top Gun is my favorite movie.
My favorite shape is a triangle.
I love quilting.
Write down anything you feel strongly about so that later you can study it. It can be emotionally and mentally challenging to love yourself when you don’t understand who you are. Take the time to get yourself well, and don’t rush it. Be independent and confident in who you are.
3. Analyze Your Family Background
Talk to your family and friends, and explain you are trying to learn who you really are. Be sure to express to them that your feelings will not be hurt; explain that you want their honest feedback.
Involving your family is important for the following reasons:
They have different perspectives
Get honest and open feedback
They may see you more clearly than you see yourself
They may know you better than your friends
Construct a family tree of your closest family members. Decide who influenced your life the most. How did they influence you? Who contributed the most to your life? After choosing the most important people to you, analyze who they are and how they became that way. Decide how you are similar and how you are different from them.
4. Analyze Your History
Don’t repress your past. Make amends with anyone you have issues with. Apologize to those you need to. Have no regrets. Forgive those who have done you wrong. If you cannot remember much about your past, ask your friends and family for help. Analyze your past by looking at the following:
- Your memories
- Your childhood
- Family traditions
- How you rebelled as a child or teenager
- How you have changed
- What clubs and organizations you previously belonged to
- Places you have traveled to
- Things you have created with your talents
- What you wanted to be when you grew up
5. Test Yourself Online
Take some fun and exciting tests from reliable online resources to learn more about yourself in an easy way.
- Free IQ Test - Extremely Accurate, Instant Results
Professionally certified IQ test; Left/Right brain and individual competencies; This free IQ Test only takes 5-10 minutes and has been used by over one million users worldwide. It was scientifically designed by PhD researchers.
- A Variety of "Learn Myself" Tests
Test your problem solving skills, abstract skills, memory, mathematical abilities, personality tests, relationship skills test, motivation, body image, career and life goals tests and more.
- The Big Five Personality Test
This psychology test examines the five fundamental dimensions of one’s personality. The 5 dimensions are: extraversion (sociability), agreeableness (affection), conscientiousness (organized), neuroticism (moodiness), and openness (imagination).
- Personality Test Recommended by the New York Times
This simple personality test has forty easy questions, providing an insightful assessment of your true personality traits. Learn more about yourself by taking a few minutes to complete this test.
The Results of Self Awareness
By learning who you are you gain a deeper understanding of yourself.
By knowing yourself so intimately, you can easily examine your love life to see if your dates are good matches.
By being able to determine who is a good match, you have a better chance of finding a soul mate perfect for you.
You also know early on in a relationship whether you should continue to invest your time, energy, and emotions in this person.
In the end, selecting the right marriage partner by following this process means your marriage is much more likely to be successful.
Getting to know yourself with ensure you are compatible with the person you choose to be with, because you will know yourself well, and you will know what sort of person will suit you well. If you do not know yourself well, you may stay in the wrong relationship. This means that when your true identity reveals itself, you may discover major differences that will eventually end the relationship. Often this can cause you to waste valuable time and energy on the wrong person. To avoid this, know yourself well, so that the person you marry is compatible with you.
Are You Ready for Your First Date?
- Top 10 Tips for Your First Online Date
First dates can be grueling. Ensure that don’t have a terrible time by planning in advance. Make sure that your first online date is a success by following these ten easy tips.
Are You Ready for Engagement?
- Engagement: A Marriage Proposal in a Relationship before a Lifelong Commitment
The engagement period is the time to prepare for the wedding and grow as a couple emotionally. An engagement can reduce grief, pain, problems, and disappointments in the future.
Pictures: The images in this website were provided by Michele Jones.
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