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Meeting Yourself before Meeting Your Soul Mate

Updated on February 10, 2014
Learn who you are so that you can meet a compatible mate.
Learn who you are so that you can meet a compatible mate. | Source

Knowing who you are is very important. If you don’t know who you are when you get in a serious relationship, you may end up “meshing” with their personality traits and interests. Meshing or enmeshment can cause you to lose your self-identity. This is a dangerous game to play, because when your true identity DOES come out, you may find you are with someone you are not compatible with.

All too often, people dating each other can become infatuated with each other or afraid of being alone, causing them to stay in the wrong relationship. Often this same couple gets married. Then, they discover that they have huge differences in major areas.

Areas of Differences
Conflict Resolution
Communication Skills
Annoying Habits
Energy Levels
Compassionate Levels
Intelligence
Hobbies and Interests
Morals and Values
It is important to share some hobbies and interests with the one you fall in love with.
It is important to share some hobbies and interests with the one you fall in love with. | Source
Handbook of Self and Identity, Second Edition
Handbook of Self and Identity, Second Edition

This book covers theory and research on self. It also handles social and cultural dynamics. A reader can gain self awareness and a new sense of identity. The self motivation and emotional advice provided by this book helps readers develop interpersonal behavior, self development, self esteem, health issues, and mindfulness.

 

Why Is It So Important to Get to Know Yourself?

You must “meet” and get to know yourself so that you do not deny your true nature. Your self-identity will reveal itself in time. The key is not to keep yourself bottled up and hidden, because later you may be unhappy with whom you have turned out to be.

People have a perfect dating relationship, they marry, and then once they are living together, they discover huge differences (see the above table). When you are opposites in those areas of difference, much conflict can occur.

Many young women especially approaching their 30’s have a strong desire to get married as fast as they can. They worry they will be an old lonely spinster and will often marry the first decent guy who comes along.

The problem with settling is that you may be unaware of what your personality really is, who you really are, and what kind of person you want for a lifelong romantic partner. You cannot find the right person to marry until you know exactly who you are!

1. Ask Yourself 101 Questions

Get to know yourself by asking yourself questions; try some questions that another person might ask you. By learning who you really are, you will become very aware of all the characteristics and personality traits you were born with.

How well do you think you know yourself?

See results
Learn about who you are - your favorite foods, movies, music, TV shows, etc.
Learn about who you are - your favorite foods, movies, music, TV shows, etc. | Source

2. Create and Maintain a Preferences Journal

If the questions are difficult because you are having trouble with self-identity, consider using a preference journal to find out how the unique person you are today was created.

As you go about your week, write down things you are confident you like and dislike. Get to know exactly who you are. Don’t turn into a society drone. Become well-rounded, and you may find more opportunities in your life.

Title the journal, “My Preferences,” and write down things such as:

I love pizza.

I hate peppers.

Top Gun is my favorite movie.

My favorite shape is a triangle.

I love quilting.

Write down anything you feel strongly about so that later you can study it. It can be emotionally and mentally challenging to love yourself when you don’t understand who you are. Take the time to get yourself well, and don’t rush it. Be independent and confident in who you are.

3. Analyze Your Family Background

Talk to your family and friends, and explain you are trying to learn who you really are. Be sure to express to them that your feelings will not be hurt; explain that you want their honest feedback.

Involving your family is important for the following reasons:
They have different perspectives
Get honest and open feedback
They may see you more clearly than you see yourself
They may know you better than your friends

Construct a family tree of your closest family members. Decide who influenced your life the most. How did they influence you? Who contributed the most to your life? After choosing the most important people to you, analyze who they are and how they became that way. Decide how you are similar and how you are different from them.

What places have you visited? Think about your past as you get to know yourself.
What places have you visited? Think about your past as you get to know yourself. | Source

4. Analyze Your History

Don’t repress your past. Make amends with anyone you have issues with. Apologize to those you need to. Have no regrets. Forgive those who have done you wrong. If you cannot remember much about your past, ask your friends and family for help. Analyze your past by looking at the following:

  • Your memories
  • Your childhood
  • Family traditions
  • How you rebelled as a child or teenager
  • How you have changed
  • What clubs and organizations you previously belonged to
  • Places you have traveled to
  • Things you have created with your talents
  • What you wanted to be when you grew up

Self-Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving, and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem
Self-Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving, and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem

Self esteem is essential for our survival. This book discusses self worth, self awareness, self values, and the forms self identity takes. This book helps you define who you are, analyze who you are, and judge who you are. You must accept yourself or change into someone you love.

 

5. Test Yourself Online

Take some fun and exciting tests from reliable online resources to learn more about yourself in an easy way.

The Results of Self Awareness

By learning who you are you gain a deeper understanding of yourself.

meaning...

By knowing yourself so intimately, you can easily examine your love life to see if your dates are good matches.

meaning...

By being able to determine who is a good match, you have a better chance of finding a soul mate perfect for you.

You also know early on in a relationship whether you should continue to invest your time, energy, and emotions in this person.

In the end, selecting the right marriage partner by following this process means your marriage is much more likely to be successful.

Conclusion

Getting to know yourself with ensure you are compatible with the person you choose to be with, because you will know yourself well, and you will know what sort of person will suit you well. If you do not know yourself well, you may stay in the wrong relationship. This means that when your true identity reveals itself, you may discover major differences that will eventually end the relationship. Often this can cause you to waste valuable time and energy on the wrong person. To avoid this, know yourself well, so that the person you marry is compatible with you.

The Self-Esteem Guided Journal: A 10-Week Program (New Harbinger Guided Journal)
The Self-Esteem Guided Journal: A 10-Week Program (New Harbinger Guided Journal)

This project provides readers with simple exercises that they can learn and use when and wherever they need them. The program teaches the reader to vocalize their feelings, conquer any self doubt, discover their strengths and weaknesses, and change the way they think if needed.

 

Disclosure

Pictures: The images in this website were provided by Michele Jones.

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  • misslong123 profile image
    Author

    Michele Kelsey 13 months ago from Edmond, Oklahoma

    Thank you! I agree! I see so many girls that just throw away their identity to become who they "think" their man wants when they should really just learn who they are and be happy with that! You have to be content with who you are before you can expect someone else to be content with you. After all, if you are uncertain as to who you are, how can you expect someone else to figure it out?

    Thank you for the positive feedback!

  • Laurinzo Scott profile image

    Live To Write 13 months ago from Phoenix, Az.

    Very well said ... you must definitely Love yourself before you are ready for the love of someone else!!!!!!!!!!! Nicely done hub

  • misslong123 profile image
    Author

    Michele Kelsey 2 years ago from Edmond, Oklahoma

    Thank you. That is an interesting point of view. I agree. I think people can change (although I think most people disagree) if they want to. It isn't easy. You have to be deliberate in your actions. Good change rarely falls in your lap if that makes sense. For example, if you have a bad habit of biting your nails, you need to make a deliberate action (perhaps hypnosis as a dumb example) to make a positive change (stop biting your nails). As I mentioned, rarely does good change just happen without you taking action. In this case, an example of that would be: Hmm, I really want to stop biting my nails but I lack the motivation to even make an attempt to quit. Now if that was your unattainable goal and one day you woke up and couldn't bite your nails because they tasted like vinegar - well that would be just lucky. Hope that made sense. You wisely summed up your point more concisely than I did. Lol. I think I'm loopy from cold meds. Lol.

  • MsDora profile image

    Dora Isaac Weithers 2 years ago from The Caribbean

    "You may be unhappy with whom you have turned out to be." This is reason enough for the reader to take your advice and discover him or her self. Very wise approach. Thank you.

  • misslong123 profile image
    Author

    Michele Kelsey 3 years ago from Edmond, Oklahoma

    Thank you. I agree that it is a crucial thing to do before falling in love.

  • DDE profile image

    Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

    Meeting Yourself before Meeting Your Soul Mate is a great hub with so much to think about oneself. Knowing oneself is crucial before actually knowing a soul mate helpful points here.

  • misslong123 profile image
    Author

    Michele Kelsey 3 years ago from Edmond, Oklahoma

    Thank you. I totally agree with you. I think knowing yourself is the best way to know who is best for you. :)

  • teaches12345 profile image

    Dianna Mendez 3 years ago

    It is a fact that one must know himself or herself before the aiblity to love others is secure. This article provides readers lots of helpful information in getting to know yourself. The preference journal is a great way to track your likes and dislikes.

  • misslong123 profile image
    Author

    Michele Kelsey 3 years ago from Edmond, Oklahoma

    I agree with you Bill. We can never fully know ourselves. It takes a lifetime of learning. However, all too often people get older and just want to find a life partner and don't take the time to find out if that person is compatible with them. I think this often leads to divorce because our true identities reveal themselves over time. Thanks for the comment. I'm glad you found the love of your life and she is so supportive of you. It takes a special team to share life dreams as you two do! :) I hope many others can find that as well.

  • misslong123 profile image
    Author

    Michele Kelsey 3 years ago from Edmond, Oklahoma

    So many words of wisdom there. Thank you. That's why it's good to get others involved in your self discovery. Life is a journey. I've just seen so many very young adults marry and then divorce because they didn't know who they were - let alone what kind of person they would want to spend the rest of their life with. I've been there. I'm still learning who I am but I have a much better idea of who I will be best matched with now that I'm older and have spent some time doing self discovery. Although it was a lot of work it was well worth it. Thank you for all your insightful thoughts. :)

  • Sue Adams profile image

    Juliette Kando 3 years ago from Andalusia

    Nice Hub Michele. But did you forget the human interaction factor as the greatest aid to getting to know oneself? Most of what I know about myself comes from interacting with others. People at work may be appreciative or uninterested. My best friends and family soon enough tell me when I'm on the wrong track. Since life is a perpetual journey of self improvement, we must welcome criticism to discover how we can change for the better. The bottom line is: If I can be fulfilled and happy with who I am, everyone around me will also be happy. Nice company.

  • billybuc profile image

    Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

    We are so complicated. Do we ever really know ourselves 100%? I don't know, honestly, if we do. I know, if we are aware and willing, we can come close....but totally? I guess coming close will have to be good enough for this boy. :) Well done Michele.