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How to Know Yourself Before You Meet Your Soulmate

Updated on July 13, 2020
Learn who you are so that you can meet a compatible mate.
Learn who you are so that you can meet a compatible mate. | Source

Knowing who you are is very important. If you don’t know who you are when you get in a serious relationship, you may end up “meshing” with their personality traits and interests. Meshing or enmeshment can cause you to lose your self-identity. This is a dangerous game to play, because when your true identity DOES come out, you may find you are with someone you are not compatible with.

All too often, people dating each other can become infatuated with each other or afraid of being alone, causing them to stay in the wrong relationship. Often this same couple gets married. Then, they discover that they have huge differences in major areas.

Areas of Differences
Conflict Resolution
Communication Skills
Annoying Habits
Energy Levels
Compassionate Levels
Hobbies and Interests
Morals and Values
It is important to share some hobbies and interests with the one you fall in love with.
It is important to share some hobbies and interests with the one you fall in love with. | Source

Why Is It So Important to Get to Know Yourself?

You must “meet” and get to know yourself so that you do not deny your true nature. Your self-identity will reveal itself in time. The key is not to keep yourself bottled up and hidden, because later you may be unhappy with whom you have turned out to be.

People have a perfect dating relationship, they marry, and then once they are living together, they discover huge differences (see the above table). When you are opposites in those areas of difference, much conflict can occur.

Many young women especially approaching their 30’s have a strong desire to get married as fast as they can. They worry they will be an old lonely spinster and will often marry the first decent guy who comes along.

The problem with settling is that you may be unaware of what your personality really is, who you really are, and what kind of person you want for a lifelong romantic partner. You cannot find the right person to marry until you know exactly who you are!

1. Ask Yourself 101 Questions

Get to know yourself by asking yourself questions; try some questions that another person might ask you. By learning who you really are, you will become very aware of all the characteristics and personality traits you were born with.

How well do you think you know yourself?

See results
Learn about who you are - your favorite foods, movies, music, TV shows, etc.
Learn about who you are - your favorite foods, movies, music, TV shows, etc. | Source

2. Create and Maintain a Preferences Journal

If the questions are difficult because you are having trouble with self-identity, consider using a preference journal to find out how the unique person you are today was created.

As you go about your week, write down things you are confident you like and dislike. Get to know exactly who you are. Don’t turn into a society drone. Become well-rounded, and you may find more opportunities in your life.

Title the journal, “My Preferences,” and write down things such as:

I love pizza.

I hate peppers.

Top Gun is my favorite movie.

My favorite shape is a triangle.

I love quilting.

Write down anything you feel strongly about so that later you can study it. It can be emotionally and mentally challenging to love yourself when you don’t understand who you are. Take the time to get yourself well, and don’t rush it. Be independent and confident in who you are.

3. Analyze Your Family Background

Talk to your family and friends, and explain you are trying to learn who you really are. Be sure to express to them that your feelings will not be hurt; explain that you want their honest feedback.

Involving your family is important for the following reasons:
They have different perspectives
Get honest and open feedback
They may see you more clearly than you see yourself
They may know you better than your friends

Construct a family tree of your closest family members. Decide who influenced your life the most. How did they influence you? Who contributed the most to your life? After choosing the most important people to you, analyze who they are and how they became that way. Decide how you are similar and how you are different from them.

What places have you visited? Think about your past as you get to know yourself.
What places have you visited? Think about your past as you get to know yourself. | Source

4. Analyze Your History

Don’t repress your past. Make amends with anyone you have issues with. Apologize to those you need to. Have no regrets. Forgive those who have done you wrong. If you cannot remember much about your past, ask your friends and family for help. Analyze your past by looking at the following:

  • Your memories
  • Your childhood
  • Family traditions
  • How you rebelled as a child or teenager
  • How you have changed
  • What clubs and organizations you previously belonged to
  • Places you have traveled to
  • Things you have created with your talents
  • What you wanted to be when you grew up

5. Test Yourself Online

Take some fun and exciting tests from reliable online resources to learn more about yourself in an easy way.

The Results of Self Awareness

By learning who you are you gain a deeper understanding of yourself.


By knowing yourself so intimately, you can easily examine your love life to see if your dates are good matches.


By being able to determine who is a good match, you have a better chance of finding a soul mate perfect for you.

You also know early on in a relationship whether you should continue to invest your time, energy, and emotions in this person.

In the end, selecting the right marriage partner by following this process means your marriage is much more likely to be successful.


Getting to know yourself with ensure you are compatible with the person you choose to be with, because you will know yourself well, and you will know what sort of person will suit you well. If you do not know yourself well, you may stay in the wrong relationship. This means that when your true identity reveals itself, you may discover major differences that will eventually end the relationship. Often this can cause you to waste valuable time and energy on the wrong person. To avoid this, know yourself well, so that the person you marry is compatible with you.


Pictures: The images in this website were provided by Michele Jones.

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