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Discovering Your Personal Style

Updated on February 17, 2016
Jaynie2000 profile image

With a degree in Sociology & concentrations in English & Religion, Jaynie has a keen interest in politics, social norms & mental health.

It’s a bit odd that when you Google things like “sexy clothing” a vast array of lingerie sites come up. It’s not surprising, just odd. Think about it, not everyone shares the same idea of what is “sexy.” Not everyone believes that red and black, lacy, barely-there lingerie is that appealing.

I’ve heard it said that imagination is much sexier than reality, meaning that women (and men) who leave more to the imagination are considered sexier and more intriguing that those that “let it all hang out.” I subscribe to this philosophy. It’s not that I’m a prude by any stretch of the imagination. It’s just that for me, and most “thinking” people, it’s more enticing to have to use one’s imagination and intellect for stimulation. The conquest is always sweeter when you’ve had to work for it.

Not all women can afford to shop at Victoria’s Secret or high-end boutiques for their “lounging” clothes and other unmentionables. And not all women want to. There are many women that realize that their sexual and sensual powers come from within and that a carelessly tousled head of hair can be far sexier than a perfectly coiffed do. They know that their man’s oversized flannel shirt and white briefs can look even better on them than they do on the man. Even stores like Victoria’s Secret are beginning to catch on. They now sell a lot of flannel, cotton and thermal shirts and lounging pants in addition to their original selections of lacy, silky undergarments.

In the end, it is important to identify your own sensual style and find a partner that shares that preference with you. If you both prefer the “in-your-face” style of lingerie then that is what you should wear, proudly and unapologetically. But if you prefer a more dressed-down, girl-next-door type of appeal, you should develop that style as part of your wardrobe.

Sexuality, in many ways, is analogous to unwrapping presents. You know there is something wonderful inside the box and you can’t wait to open and see what it is. The anticipation makes the recipient giddy and excited. Their heart races and they feel eager and anxious. Even when the recipient knows what is inside, they still experience the same excitement every time they open their gift. That same feeling accompanies a slowly unbuttoned shirt or sliding off of oversized wool socks. What lies beneath is the treasure.

For many, revealing everything up front, such as by wearing skimpy lingerie, somewhat devalues the sensual nature of the individual. It makes sexuality more about various body parts than about the personality of the one you’re with. If the breasts are right there for immediate indulgence, the smile, the bedroom eyes, and the sensual whispers are all lost. So many people forget that the sexiest encounters often start with a simple look or word and has nothing to do with what you are wearing. Even so, everyone wants to look good for their partner. The best relationships consist of having open and honest dialogue about all topics, including sex. Find out what your partner finds sexy and be honest with your partner about what you find appealing. 

You may also want to think about some of the most intimate moments between you and your partner. When did they take place? What made them so special? What were you each wearing or doing? Try to see if there is any particular pattern that you can identify. If there is, it may be that this pattern reveals something about a preferred style that you didn’t even know you had! Does your partner seem to take a particular interest in you when you’re dressed like a gardener or a business executive? Does he prefer it when you’re dressed for the beach or for drinks at the club?

Perhaps style isn’t even about clothing for you at all. Maybe your “style” involves being outdoors. Maybe it’s the mundane everyday things such as grocery shopping, walking the dog or washing the car, that turn you on. Give it some thought and see what patterns you identify.

Whatever your “style, be safe and have fun! 


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    • Jaynie2000 profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago

      Thank you Sarah! I'm not sure who she is, but I'd love to look like that. ;-)

    • sarahpucci profile image


      7 years ago

      is the one at the top a greek model? I think I have seen her before. Well, great tips here - but what else is new with you :)


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