- Gender and Relationships
The Grieving Soul
Jules Lee is a fifty-six year old artist and private art instructor. She has one daughter; Maryl, age thirty-three, and an ex-husband who thinks that he should still be in control of her life, even though they’ve been divorced for almost a year.
Maryl wasn’t happy with Jules when she filed for a divorce. She couldn’t understand, at the age her mom was approaching, why she would want to leave the man that she could just grow old with. Jules knew that this was going to be an ongoing problem, because Maryl was on a quest to get her parents back together.
Jules had just gotten moved into her newly built duplex, in which she had designed herself. One dwelling was for Jules to live in, and the other was for her art studio; it was perfectly situated for Jules’ personal and professional life.
Jules invited her daughter, Maryl, to come over for dinner; she thought it would be nice if they could have a chance to sit down and talk about how to move forward from the divorce; it seemed that they’ve been stuck in the same argumentative place for a year. Jules knew that Maryl would use religion, as she always does, to make her case against divorce, so Jules decided to use the Bible as her point of reference.
Maryl arrived a little early so that she could spend some time before dinner looking around her mom’s new home and studio. It wasn’t at all what she expected; it was quite the opposite of the family home she grew up in. Being in her mother’s home was giving Maryl a chance to see the talented and creative side of her mother for the first time. After Maryl had toured the studio and her mom’s apartment she said, “Mom, I had no idea that all this creativity was inside of you, why did you keep it hidden?” Jules replied, “After your dad and I got married and moved into our first apartment, I attempted to decorate but your dad insulted everything that I did, so I just didn’t bother to try anymore.”
Maryl, upset by what her mother just said, replied; “Being here mom, seeing a side of you that I never knew existed (because for so many years you weren’t free to be yourself), knowing what I know now, makes me question, that much more, if I ever want to get married. I can’t stand the thought of marrying someone and possibly losing myself in the process.” This was not the conversation that Jules was geared up for. She told Maryl, “Let’s sit down; we can talk while we’re having dinner.”
Jules had a beautiful table set. She was serving cheese lasagna; a vegetable medley with pearl pasta and homemade croissants served with butter. Maryl was in disbelief of what they were having for dinner. She said, “Mom is that homemade cheese lasagna? We never had that when I was growing up.” Jules replied, “Because your dad hates cheese. Actually, your dad would hate this whole dinner, because he never liked eating anything that he wasn’t used to. That being said, I want to address your concerns about marriage; I have thirty-five years experience on the subject.” Maryl said grace and they proceeded to have dinner and talk about love.
Jules said, “When you’re young you’re in love with the idea of being in love, and then you grow up and find that person that you have a strong physical attraction to and you get married, thinking that this is the one true love that you were created to be with. A large percentage of flesh mate marriages end in divorce, and a percentage of the couples who stay married, endure years of unhappiness simply because they are trying to keep the family unit in tact.
Let me show you the description of the ‘Flesh mate’ relationship in the Bible. Genesis 2:23, Adam says; ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.’ The man and woman in the garden were to become one flesh and they were instructed to populate the earth. I can’t think of a better description of the ‘Flesh mate’ relationship, than the description given in Genesis, but that relationship is, as it is described; a relationship of the flesh,
We know from Scripture what happened at some point in the man and woman’s relationship; the man stood and watched as his wife ate the fruit that he knew would take her life. What kind of loving companion would do that?
On the other end of the relationship spectrum, in the Christian Scriptures we can see a perfect example of a relationship of the Spirit. Revelation 21 describes the Bride; the Holy Jerusalem, as being the shape of a cube. Cube, mathematically speaking, is in reference to the third power, and in Christianity, the Third Power is in reference to the Holy Spirit. The Spirit relationship (the Holy Jerusalem Bride and the Groom), will be a part of the world to come, as it is taught in the Christian Scriptures. The Gospels teach that the The Lamb (Groom), laid down His life for His Bride-to-be, so that she could have life eternal; a very different scenario than that of the flesh relationship of Genesis.
Pre-time eternity, we find the flesh relationship, post-time eternity, we find the Spirit relationship, so the Soul relationship must be somewhere in between the two, and it is; I think it’s the story of Chanukah. In the book of Maccabees we find the account of the battle which enabled the Jewish people to take back the HolyTemple. In the Talmud we find a brief account of the miracle of the oil.
In the days when the Jews, led by the Maccabees, fought the pagans in order to take back their HolyTemple, the Jews were willing to die for the cause. When they won the battle and were able to take possession of their ravaged and mistreated beloved Temple, the Jews worked diligently to clean, repair and rededicate the Holy House of God. And in return for the lives lost and the love and care displayed by the Jews, God allowed a vile of oil, enough for only one day, to burn and light the Temple lamp for eight full days, giving enough time for someone to travel to and get back with more oil.
Can you see the beautiful narrative of the soul mate relationship Maryl? Soul mates have a bond that they are willing to fight and even die for. They build each other up because they value each other. This is not to say that they wouldn’t disagree on things, but in doing so they don’t tear one another down with insults or abusive behavior. They’re not jealous of the other’s achievements, talents or good fortune; on the contrary, they joy in their true love’s success, and they are eager to be instrumental in helping to guide the way to their beloved’s destiny. They are each other’s champion and support, and if one should get hurt in the battles of everyday life, the other is right there to repair any damage done. They are true companions and have a desire to live in oneness with each other. It has been said that Soul mates will even grieve for one another if they are kept apart.
That grieving is what I began to experience Maryl. I didn’t understand what (or who) I was grieving for. One evening I went to a class that was advertised in the newspaper. The Teacher/Speaker specialized in the field of grief counseling. I thought maybe he could shed a little light on what was going on with me. He began to teach on the subject of Soul mates, and how they are born into this world where they must find each other. He said that Soul mates could actually grieve for one another if they are kept apart. The moment he said that I knew what my source of grief was. It wasn’t long after that evening that I made the decision to do the inevitable, and divorce your dad. It wasn’t right to continue being married to one man and grieving for another, even if I hadn’t met him.” Maryl interjected at this point and said with a bit of a giggle, “Mom that sounds like a fairy tale. Do you really believe that you could be grieving for a man you’ve never met?” Jules replied, “Yes, I do!
Maryl, I know you’re hurt that I divorced your dad, but honey, neither one of us was happy, and now we both have the same opportunity to find love and companionship with someone else. I would rather be alone in hopeful anticipation of someday being with the one my soul longs for, than to remain in a marriage where there is no hope for love and happiness. I hope you will try to understand.”
Maryl said, “I do understand mom, more than you know. Dad is the reason why I’ve never gotten married. I watched how badly he treated you and I couldn’t stand the thought of following in your footsteps. And now I’m seeing you blossom back into who you really are, and I’m looking forward to spending time together and getting to know the real you.”
Jules asked Maryl why she made such an issue about the divorce, and Maryl replied, “Because I was afraid I was going to lose you, and that’s why I wanted everything to remain the same. You’ve always been there for me mom, I was afraid you wouldn’t have time for me if you started a new life.” Jules tearfully replied, “Oh honey, that couldn’t be further from the truth. Do you know why I built two units? Because I thought there might be a chance that one day you would want to live here. Baby girl I would never not want you in my life!” Jules got up from her chair and hugged Maryl around her neck and kissed her cheek. At this point Maryl was sobbing and feeling quite ashamed for wanting her mother to stay in an unhappy marriage.
Jules and Maryl were finally getting things worked out. Maryl needed to be able to see her mother in a new light and Jules needed to be aware of the pain and darkness that Maryl has been carrying inside for so long.
Maryl said, “Mom I know when your champion arrives that he’s going to have some damage to repair because of your marriage to dad, but I also know that he’s going to be blessed with having loving companionship with you. I love you mom!” Jules hugged Maryl and said, “I love you too sweetheart, and I don’t want you to fear love, I want you to believe that one day you will have true love with your Soul mate.”
Eight months later there was an art exhibit at the local gallery and some of Jules paintings were on display. Maryl was helping at the exhibit by talking to visitors and answering any questions they had concerning her mother’s work. Maryl noticed a man standing in front of one of Jules paintings and she walked over to him to see if he needed any assistance, and he politely told her that he didn’t. A few minutes later Jules came to the floor and Maryl pointed the man out to her and said that he’d been standing in front of the same painting for quite a long while. Jules walked over to the man and asked him what he felt when he looked into the painting, and he replied, “I feel a sense of love drawing me in like a magnet.” He looked at Jules with a smile and asked, “What did you title this piece?” And she replied, “The Grieving Soul.”
Needless to say, there was no more grieving of the soul, Jules’ awaited champion had arrived.Ten years have passed since that day, and life continues to be happier than Jules could have ever imagined. As for Maryl, she too has met a very loving and devoted companion, and has come to believe in the kind of love that she thought only existed in fairy tales.
And they truly did live happily ever after.
Mates: One Flesh, One Spirit & One Soul
Eve was of Man’s bones we read; Mates they were one flesh in deed
The Bride will be the Power of Three; Mates of One Spirit eternally
Chanukah the light of life; The oil lamp of man and wife
Two hearts unite in common goal; Mates forever of one Soul