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The Love Myth *Grammar Update*

Updated on October 12, 2019
mike102771 profile image

Mike is a long-time supporter of procrastination and enjoys doing as often as he can.


The Myth

There is a myth built around the concept of love. This myth states that anything can be overcome as long as people love each other. The reality is that when people use love in place of another reason(respect, trust, or a mutual bond), the result is what we have today, an over 50% divorce rate. Love cannot conquer all. You need more than just love; you need respect, understanding, commitment, and respect (yes, I said respect twice).

Marriage is a Partnership

Marriage is a partnership, and like any partnership, it's built on need and want. People look at what they want and think that is what they need. People want to feel loved, and they want to love, but love is a conditional thing. It's contingent on trust, time, and respect (sort of). The loss of trust, whether to a lie or some other act such as cheating, can cloud or end love.

Time can change feelings, especially if it's based on lust rather than a mutual bond. Time can show a couple what they do and do not have in common. Despite the idea of opposites attracting the reality is that the more different people are, the less they have in common, the less likely they will develop a long term bond (a person with conservative/orthodox views will inevitably have less of a connection with a person with a liberal/progressive view).

Living with a Stranger

Some will say they live happily with a partner who has an entirely different view. They don’t talk about the subjects they disagree with, letting them fester. These points of contention will ultimately become bullet points to the partnership. The little annoyances become giant chasms that eventually end the relationship. A partnership needs to be built on a connection. In a time of stress, people focus on what they do not like rather than what brings them together. When you are angry with a person, all those little things that annoy you become more pronounced. People who separate will (usually) describe their relationship with what annoyed them about the other. In the end, the differences are all that are left.

Above All

Above all, respect is the most important. Back in the day, marriage was built on the concept that the man has the head of the household. Then the idea of respect was not mutual. As roles changed, the bases of marriage changed from male-dominated hierarchy to a partnership. But not all partners are equal. Inequality can come from the individual’s views, gender roles, income (who brings home the most money), and the perceptions of the partner's role in the partnership. A person’s views on what a marriage is can determine the kind of partner they will be. This includes gender roles. We also view the partner who makes the most money as the person who gets the most say. This goes against the idea of a partnership or equality. Inevitably the division of power will lead to a split. In an ever-changing culture, perceptions can change, including the role of the individual within a partnership. This can include the orthodox and progressive views on gender roles. If a man marries a woman and expects her to act like his mother (cooking, cleaning, etc.) and the woman expects more of a 50/50 split, the expectations are a conflict. And if this division between the two can’t be resolved, the partnership will be unequal.

Be in Charge

The propose of this is to talk about how a partnership needs more than love to be successful. This is not to say that people can’t have a good relationship. Nor does it have all the answers. What I am suggesting is that as roles change in society, so do the roles change in a relationship. Without all three (Love, Respect, and Trust), a true partnership is impossible. People in the past would take smaller roles within the relationship to allow the other to “be in charge,” but today, people are less likely to give in to the others will. The head of the household model is (for the most part) outdated.

Do you respect the one you love?

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    • Cantuhearmescream profile image


      8 years ago from New York


      Ha ha ha. Well, I have to say that I analyze everything, probably to the point of being over analytical and I probably take a scientific/psychological approach… it never goes over well in relationships. Men don’t want to be analyzed. They just want to be, because they are. Well, sometimes it is easier to deal with things if we understand them. Yes, I also agree that boys are taught to be tough and crying or sensitivity is a sign of weakness. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want no wussy but it’s okay to have an emotion every once in a while.

    • mike102771 profile imageAUTHOR

      Michael Collins aka Lakemoron 

      8 years ago from The Village of Lakemore, Summit County, Ohio


      Thank you,

      If my Ex was her she would say I was a sociopath. I tend to use the Scientific Method and logically evaluate life. Something like this took years of evaluation and many failed relationships (mine and others). Although to be fair I wrote this while on pain killers for my Gout.

      There is a macho mentality hardwired into the modern male psyche. This lives in both the couscous and subconscious mind. Men are raised to act not feel. Also for the most part men are taught to be a little (or a lot) selfish. People (mostly mothers) doing things for them while the daughters (again for the most part) are taught to do for themselves. I have known men in their 20’s who never cooked or cleaned. So it’s nothing personnel. I know that I found it easier to bring home flowers rather than say the “L” word.

      I definitely think that for a relationship to work you need respect. I love Oreos too, but I would not want a long term relationship with them (just the time it takes to go from the milk or coffee to my mouth). After all they don’t respect me either.

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image


      8 years ago from New York


      It is always such a pleasure to listen to a man approach these kinds of issues. All too often I am subjected to men who don't like to think or talk about any of these kinds of things and that is very unhealthy for any relationship. I can't believe how intuitive you are about this kind of stuff and please don't be offended, as I said, I'm not accustomed to this kind of behavior with the men in my non-virtual life.

      I love that you focused so much on respect; I think that or the lack their of is one of the biggest reasons for failure in any relationship, not just intimate ones. You can love someone an not respect them. That almost doesn't seem to make sense, but I've been a witness to it. I love Oreos, but I don't have any respect for them. I don't know why so many people think that it's enough to just simply love. I really enjoyed this. voted up and interesting!



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