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The Love Myth

Updated on April 17, 2013
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There is a myth built around the concept of love. This myth states that anything can be overcome as long as people love each other. The reality is that when people use love in place of another reason(respect, trust, or a mutual bond) the result is what we have today an over 50% divorce rate. Love cannot conquer all. You need more than just love, you need respect, understanding, commitment, and respect (yes I said respect twice).

Marriage is a partnership and like any partnership it is built on need and want. People look at what they want and think that is what they need. People want to feel loved and they want to love, but love is a conditional thing. It is conditional to trust, time, and respect (sort of). The loss of trust whether to a lie or some other act such as cheating can cloud or end love.

Time can change feelings especially if it is based on lust rather than a mutual bound. Time can show a couple all the places they do and do not have in common. Despite the idea of opposites attracting the reality is that the more different people are the less they have in common the less likely they will develop a long term bond (a person with conservative/orthodox views will inevitably have less of a connection with a person with a liberal/progressive view).

Some will say they live happily with a partner who have a completely different view. They just don’t talk about the subjects they disagree on. These points of contention will ultimately become bullet points to the partnership. The little annoyances becomes giant chasms that eventually end the relationship. A partnership needs to be built on a connection. In a time of stress people focuses on what they don not like rather than what brings them together. When you are angry with a person all those little things that annoy you become more pronounced. People who separate will (usually) describe their relationship on what annoyed them about the other. In the end the differences are all that are left.

Above all respect is the most important. Back in the day a marriage was built on the concept of the man has the head of the household with the wife subject to him. Then the concept of respect was not mutual. As roles changed the bases of marriage changed from male dominated hierarchy to a partnership. But not all partners are equal. Inequality can come from the individual’s views, gender roles, income (who brings home the most money), and the perceptions of the partners role. A person’s views on what a marriage is can determine the kind of partner they will be. This includes the gender role (the outdated role with the man as the head of the household or the pop culture concept with the wife as the sole parent and the husband as one of the kids). We also view the partner who makes the most money as the person who gets the most say. This goes against the idea of a partnership or equality. Inevitably the division of power will lead to a split. In an ever changing culture the perceptions of each other can change, including the role of the individual within a partnership. This can include the orthodox and progressive views on gender roles. Going back to the concept on different views if each partner has a different view of their and the others role within the partnership then the partnership is not built on mutual understanding or possibly respect. If a man marries a woman and expects her to act like his mother (cooking, cleaning, etc.) and the woman expects more of a 50/50 split the expectations of the individuals within the partnership will not be met. And if this division between the two can’t be resolved the partnership will be unequal.

The propose of this is to talk about the how a partnership needs more than love to be successful. This is not to say that people can’t have a good relationships. Nor does it have all the answers. What I am suggesting is that as roles change in society so do the roles change in a relationship. Without all three (Love, Respect, and Trust) a true partnership is impossible. People in the past would take smaller roles within the relationship to allow the other to “be in charge”, but today people are less likely to give in to the others will. The head of the household model is (for the most part) outdated.

Do you respect the one you love?

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    • Cantuhearmescream profile image

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      mike102771,

      It is always such a pleasure to listen to a man approach these kinds of issues. All too often I am subjected to men who don't like to think or talk about any of these kinds of things and that is very unhealthy for any relationship. I can't believe how intuitive you are about this kind of stuff and please don't be offended, as I said, I'm not accustomed to this kind of behavior with the men in my non-virtual life.

      I love that you focused so much on respect; I think that or the lack their of is one of the biggest reasons for failure in any relationship, not just intimate ones. You can love someone an not respect them. That almost doesn't seem to make sense, but I've been a witness to it. I love Oreos, but I don't have any respect for them. I don't know why so many people think that it's enough to just simply love. I really enjoyed this. voted up and interesting!

      Cat

    • mike102771 profile image
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      Michael Collins 4 years ago from Lakemore, Ohio

      Canuhearmescream

      Thank you,

      If my Ex was her she would say I was a sociopath. I tend to use the Scientific Method and logically evaluate life. Something like this took years of evaluation and many failed relationships (mine and others). Although to be fair I wrote this while on pain killers for my Gout.

      There is a macho mentality hardwired into the modern male psyche. This lives in both the couscous and subconscious mind. Men are raised to act not feel. Also for the most part men are taught to be a little (or a lot) selfish. People (mostly mothers) doing things for them while the daughters (again for the most part) are taught to do for themselves. I have known men in their 20’s who never cooked or cleaned. So it’s nothing personnel. I know that I found it easier to bring home flowers rather than say the “L” word.

      I definitely think that for a relationship to work you need respect. I love Oreos too, but I would not want a long term relationship with them (just the time it takes to go from the milk or coffee to my mouth). After all they don’t respect me either.

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      mike102771,

      Ha ha ha. Well, I have to say that I analyze everything, probably to the point of being over analytical and I probably take a scientific/psychological approach… it never goes over well in relationships. Men don’t want to be analyzed. They just want to be, because they are. Well, sometimes it is easier to deal with things if we understand them. Yes, I also agree that boys are taught to be tough and crying or sensitivity is a sign of weakness. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want no wussy but it’s okay to have an emotion every once in a while.

    • profile image

      Aaron 2 years ago

      Provato Ieri sera. Prime impressioni molto ptviisoe. La grafica non sar fotorealistica ma molto curata e stilisticamente azzeccatissima. E' possibile scegliere tra 5 diversi sistemi di controllo: 1)Wiimote verticale2)Wiimote orizzontae (Wii wheel)3)Wiimote + nunchuk4)Classic Controller5)Pad Gamecube Il gameplay ovviamente di natura arcade; il senso di velocit ottimo grazie anche all'utilizzo di massa del NITRO (NOS) che potrete caricare al massimo con una partenza perfetta e soprattutto con derapate, accelerazioni e scarenate coi vostri avversari nel corso della gara. Attraverso una barra presente nella parte inferiore dello schermo potrete costantemente visualizzare la quantit di Nitro a vostra disposizione.Giocando a modalit carriera partirete con un budget di 10.000 $. Con questa cifra potrete acquistare inizialmente uno tra questi 2 veicoli:il vecchio furgone della wolkswagen oppure una renault 4.In questa modalit primeggiando nelle varie competizioni (che si suddividono in gare tradizionali, di accelerazione, di derapata, ad eliminazione, di velocit massima, giro veloce, ecc ) vincerete denaro che vi servir poi per acquistare nuove auto sempre pi belle e potenti. Durante le gare tradizionali il vostro veicolo potrebbe subire dei danni che potrebbero comprometterne la stabilit in curva e l'utilizzo del Nitro. Grazie a delle enormi chiavi inglesi e distintivi della polizia presenti in vari punti dei tracciati sar possibile riparare in corsa la vostra auto oppure liberarsi temporaneamente dalla morsa di quei maledetti piedi piatti!In ogni singola competizione a seconda del vostro risultato vi verranno assegnate un certo numero di stelle (da 3 a 5 per ogni gara) che serviranno a sbloccare nuove aerografie, nuove auto, e in particolar modo a proseguire la vostra carriera, inseguendo la gloria sulle strade cittadine delle pi importanti metropoli del mondo (Si parte da Rio de Janeiro), spesso tallonati dalla Polizia, che tenter in ogni modo di fermare la vostra spericolata corsa verso la vittoria.

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