ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

The Relationship Mirror Theory

Updated on March 6, 2014
What's your view on yourself?
What's your view on yourself?

Where is the Real Problem?

There are women who wonder if all men cheat in relationships. The honest answer? All men have a propensity to cheat, but that doesn’t mean that all men follow it. It depends on the man.

But really, the issue is not the man in this scenario, but every woman who raises this question. The real question should be, why do you, as a woman, think that all men cheat? Is the problem in you?

I say this because if you think that all men cheat, then this means that such a scenario has been the majority of your relational experience. If that is true, then that means that something is malfunctioning in your radar.

If there is a malfunction in your personal radar that is causing you to make bad choices in the men you allow into your life, then this is something that you need to examine.

Malfunctioning Radars

Your internal radar may need examination. Some self assessment may be in order. The reason is that if you are constantly finding yourself involved with men that cheat; there is an underlying reason this is happening to you; and you need to first figure out what you’re getting out of it.

Many people involve themselves with someone who is unavailable for a variety of reasons. You need to figure out who the unavailable person from your past was, and why you are repeatedly involving yourself in the same sort of detrimental relationship that made you so unhappy before. Again, what are you getting out it?

Additionally, your internal radar should be picking up on certain signals. There are things that men say that would tell you if the guy is worth you wasting your time on, but if your radar is not on, or you just aren’t paying attention to it, you are shooting yourself in the foot before you even take one step.

Are You A Writer?

If you are interested in making money online while writing? Hubpages is a great community to write in!

Signals To Pay Attention To

First of all, men really do say what they mean, and mean what they say. You just have to learn to listen, and not be so distracted by his looks, or flattery. You need to check his motivation for even approaching you. Then again, what is your motivation if you are agreeing to talk to him, or if you approached him?

These days, there are women who think it is fine to not only ask a man out, but simply go after a man for sex. They will sleep with a man on the first date, or within a few dates after the first one. If these “liberated” ideas are in your ideology and are acceptable to you, don’t be surprised to find yourself on the receiving end of a lot more heartache from men who cheat.

If you give up your treasure...you’re whole self so quickly and easily; if he doesn’t have to work for it or earn it; that tells him clearly that you don’t value yourself, so why should he?

If he tells you that he just wants to hang out, beware. Guys don't "hang out" with women for no reason. If he tells you he wants to get to know you, ask him "in what way?" Make him be specific instead giving you generalizations. If he says, "Oh, I thought you were cool like that," or "down like that" find out, "cool like what" or "down like what?" Is he saying you're easy? Are you? If so, don't be surprised if you can't find a faithful man. You gotta be that which you are seeking.

If he’s not willing to wait, and initiate a real friendship with you first, he is not the right guy for you, and he will just used you and disrespect you after the fact in some way. Cheating would be one facet of his lack of concern and devaluation of you, and if this is happening, respect yourself enough to walk away from him.

The plain and simple truth is, if you don’t respect yourself, don’t expect him to. If you don’t love yourself, men can see it and some men will take advantage of it. If you are insecure, and dealing with abandonment issues, confront your issues first, and stop trying to make a man the answer.

It's time to see yourself as bigger &  more valuable than you do right now.
It's time to see yourself as bigger & more valuable than you do right now.

The Mirror Theory

When you look back over the relationships of your past, ask yourself, “What attracted me to this person?” See, the Mirror Theory makes you really take a good look at them, and at yourself.

Here’s the theory in a nutshell: “You reflect that which you are; You draw that which you reflect.”

So now take a look at your past relationships. Look at those guys that dumped on you, or disrespected you in some way. Could it be that this is because there is a part of you that loathes yourself? Could it be that you reflect those characteristics towards others?

I know that when God gave me this theory and I looked back at my past, I was disgusted. It was like a tremendous slap in the face. I couldn’t believe I could have been as bad...that I could be as hurtful and insensitive, that I could have drawn some of those people to me, yet I did.

I’m just happy to be able to look back and know how far I’ve come. I’m so happy that I can say that God has really liberated me from my past, and changed me. I no longer reflect those negative characteristics.

I no longer draw those type of people into my life because I turned my life over to God, and He redirected my paths. I hope you can liberate yourself in the same way, and learn how to have a genuine relationship with the Creator of relationships. Once you learn to establish a relationship with Him, He will teach you how you can establish a great relationship with the man you were destined to be with.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Etherealenigma profile imageAUTHOR

      Sandra M. Urquhart 

      7 years ago from Florida

      Thanks Euro. Appreciate the visit. Come by anytime.

    • EuroCafeAuLait profile image

      Anastasia Kingsley 

      7 years ago from Croatia, Europe

      I like the mirror theory, and the picture of the cat seeing herself as a lion. Very enlightening. Voted it up!

    • Etherealenigma profile imageAUTHOR

      Sandra M. Urquhart 

      7 years ago from Florida

      Thank you Sun-girl. I appreciate the comment and visit.

    • Sun-Girl profile image

      Sun-Girl 

      7 years ago from Nigeria

      Cool theory you have here and i believe all you shared in here.Thanks dear for sharing.

    • Etherealenigma profile imageAUTHOR

      Sandra M. Urquhart 

      7 years ago from Florida

      Beaks - Just because someone has a propensity to do something, doesn't mean they will. I did not say that all men cheat; I said that they have a propensity to do so. That is not saying that there aren't men that are monogamous. I did say it depended on the man, so that should have told you that I wasn't saying that all men cheat. Are you sure you read the article? I wasn't slamming the guys. Take a look again. Peace.

    • profile image

      Beaks 

      7 years ago from USA

      I disagree that all men "have a propensity to cheat." That's just a social construct. PLenty of men are monogamous and don't cheat. There is no reason that any man alive can't do the same.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)