- Gender and Relationships
The Relationship Mirror Theory
Where is the Real Problem?
There are women who wonder if all men cheat in relationships. The honest answer? All men have a propensity to cheat, but that doesn’t mean that all men follow it. It depends on the man.
But really, the issue is not the man in this scenario, but every woman who raises this question. The real question should be, why do you, as a woman, think that all men cheat? Is the problem in you?
I say this because if you think that all men cheat, then this means that such a scenario has been the majority of your relational experience. If that is true, then that means that something is malfunctioning in your radar.
If there is a malfunction in your personal radar that is causing you to make bad choices in the men you allow into your life, then this is something that you need to examine.
Your internal radar may need examination. Some self assessment may be in order. The reason is that if you are constantly finding yourself involved with men that cheat; there is an underlying reason this is happening to you; and you need to first figure out what you’re getting out of it.
Many people involve themselves with someone who is unavailable for a variety of reasons. You need to figure out who the unavailable person from your past was, and why you are repeatedly involving yourself in the same sort of detrimental relationship that made you so unhappy before. Again, what are you getting out it?
Additionally, your internal radar should be picking up on certain signals. There are things that men say that would tell you if the guy is worth you wasting your time on, but if your radar is not on, or you just aren’t paying attention to it, you are shooting yourself in the foot before you even take one step.
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Signals To Pay Attention To
First of all, men really do say what they mean, and mean what they say. You just have to learn to listen, and not be so distracted by his looks, or flattery. You need to check his motivation for even approaching you. Then again, what is your motivation if you are agreeing to talk to him, or if you approached him?
These days, there are women who think it is fine to not only ask a man out, but simply go after a man for sex. They will sleep with a man on the first date, or within a few dates after the first one. If these “liberated” ideas are in your ideology and are acceptable to you, don’t be surprised to find yourself on the receiving end of a lot more heartache from men who cheat.
If you give up your treasure...you’re whole self so quickly and easily; if he doesn’t have to work for it or earn it; that tells him clearly that you don’t value yourself, so why should he?
If he tells you that he just wants to hang out, beware. Guys don't "hang out" with women for no reason. If he tells you he wants to get to know you, ask him "in what way?" Make him be specific instead giving you generalizations. If he says, "Oh, I thought you were cool like that," or "down like that" find out, "cool like what" or "down like what?" Is he saying you're easy? Are you? If so, don't be surprised if you can't find a faithful man. You gotta be that which you are seeking.
If he’s not willing to wait, and initiate a real friendship with you first, he is not the right guy for you, and he will just used you and disrespect you after the fact in some way. Cheating would be one facet of his lack of concern and devaluation of you, and if this is happening, respect yourself enough to walk away from him.
The plain and simple truth is, if you don’t respect yourself, don’t expect him to. If you don’t love yourself, men can see it and some men will take advantage of it. If you are insecure, and dealing with abandonment issues, confront your issues first, and stop trying to make a man the answer.
The Mirror Theory
When you look back over the relationships of your past, ask yourself, “What attracted me to this person?” See, the Mirror Theory makes you really take a good look at them, and at yourself.
Here’s the theory in a nutshell: “You reflect that which you are; You draw that which you reflect.”
So now take a look at your past relationships. Look at those guys that dumped on you, or disrespected you in some way. Could it be that this is because there is a part of you that loathes yourself? Could it be that you reflect those characteristics towards others?
I know that when God gave me this theory and I looked back at my past, I was disgusted. It was like a tremendous slap in the face. I couldn’t believe I could have been as bad...that I could be as hurtful and insensitive, that I could have drawn some of those people to me, yet I did.
I’m just happy to be able to look back and know how far I’ve come. I’m so happy that I can say that God has really liberated me from my past, and changed me. I no longer reflect those negative characteristics.
I no longer draw those type of people into my life because I turned my life over to God, and He redirected my paths. I hope you can liberate yourself in the same way, and learn how to have a genuine relationship with the Creator of relationships. Once you learn to establish a relationship with Him, He will teach you how you can establish a great relationship with the man you were destined to be with.