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The Health of Relationships

Updated on February 19, 2011

Don't be imprisioned in a bad relationship

Why your relationship may be normal

How healthy is your relationship? Are you truly compatible with one and another, or do you feel like something is missing? Do you have a great sex life, or do you think that part of your relationship could use improvement? Do you feel satisfied with the way things are in your relationship? Do you often compare your relationship to those around you and think that your relationship is missing something? These questions can make you think, and they should. We all feel that our relationship is missing something or we are dissatisfied with one aspect of it, at one time or another. In the next few paragraphs we will try to explore each of these questions a little deeper, hopefully to shed light on where you are in your relationship and maybe open your eyes to new solutions.

The health of a relationship is based on more than just being at home with each other every night after work. The health of your relationship often times, is in the time when you’re away from each other. When you are away from your spouse do you obsess about what they are doing or where they are at? If you are, this ain’t good. When you are like this, it’s one of two things or both. Number one, it’s a brand new relationship and your hormones are running wild and it feels like you won’t make it unless you communicate with the person involved, this is very normal under most circumstances.

Number two; there is a total lack of trust of the other partner to be faithful or a fear that that the other will seek out someone new. This lack of faith is either driven my mistrust brought on by previous behavior, or a lack in self confidence in yourself. This can destroy a relationship faster than actually catching someone cheating. The person that is being called and questioned every day will eventually begin to feel pressured to comply, and seek relief for this pressure elsewhere.

A healthy relationship is based on trust most of all.

After the new wears off and the relationship goes from pull your clothes off sex, to I’ll see you when I get home. A true reminder that we are all individuals in relationships, is first how we are able separate our work life from our relationship life, almost in total. If you are happier at work than you are at home, maybe it’s time to look at why. Do you ever even think about this? Most people really don’t. They never realize that they are happier at work most of the time, than at home. The separation of happiness is truly amazing; you need to be happy at both places to have a fulfilling life.

Are you and your spouse or significant other compatible? This question can be tricky. What is compatibility? You hear this word tossed out by dating sites all the time: take the compatibility test and find your mate . Compatibility doesn’t mean that you both play softball or love to eat at the Burlesque burger. People who think this, miss the whole point of true compatibility in a relationship. Compatibility means the ability to put up with each other over an extended amount of time. You don’t have to have anything in common other than you like to be with each other. This is the hardest type of compatibility to find; this is the type you find in couples that have been together for twenty years or more. These couples have put up with each others mistakes along the way and still managed to like and put up with each other.

Ok, do you have a great sex life? A great sex life doesn’t mean sex all the time. Matter of fact you really can’t put a number on how much sex is the right amount, for any given age group or gender. However there is a wrong number, 0. It’s in our DNA to want sex. If you and your spouse are not having sex, then you really need to talk. Believe me, just because you are not having it, doesn’t mean that someone doesn’t want it. This is the part that can get really tricky for most couples. If one wants it more often than the other, they often feel neglected or suspicions of cheating may surface. Though no one should be forced to have sex it often becomes a negotiation tool in many relationships. The promise of sex or lack thereof is really just a form of emotional blackmail. If this sounds like you, maybe, before it’s too late, you need to rectify this problem before someone makes a serious mistake. The emotional harm in this type of relationship often leads for the person of the receiving end to seek comfort outside of the relationship.

If the sex is great, then is the rest of the relationship great? A lot of times, just because the sex is great doesn’t mean that everything is fine. A lot of times people use people for sex, much like a partner for a card game. It’s similar to friends with benefits (or sex, if you don’t know the phrase), except you are committed to each other without expectations. These relationships can last years, but as soon as one can find another they are more compatible for relationship purposes, they are gone. Remember compatible? The ability to put up with one another over an extended amount of time.

Now, if you are compatible, and the sex is good and you may have a chance at a real relationship that may last past the lust phase. But, even with this going for you, it’s still takes work. You must be willing to forgive the faults and see through the negatives to the positives in your relationship. Never take for granite the other person in the relationship and look for true happiness along the way. Take inventory of the good things you have in your relationship, try to dismiss the not so good things and learn to bend a little. In the long run your relationship will be far better for it.

Are you satisfied in your relationship? There are going to be certain degrees of satisfaction in any relationship. You can be satisfied most of the time, if you are lucky. There is always going to be something to complain about in any relationship, especially if you are human. The human nature in us is to always want more. Either you want more money, more time, more success or more of something else. If your relationship is almost perfect, there is still that word almost.

People see their relationship differently when comparing it to other people. A relationship they see out and about may seem happier or more in sync. The realization that there is pretty much no such thing as a perfect relationship, will help you find out that there is more to a relationship more than having the right answers.

As you can see I just barely touched on these subjects, but it will give you food for thought. As you read this again, try to expand on these questions and seek answers for your own relationship through your own eyes. Be honest with yourself, when you read this, especially about the separation of work and home can you honestly say that you are happy about the same at both places?

For more on my writings on relationships please read my articles below for more insights.

Good luck as you go forward in your relationship and I wish you much happiness along the way.

If you need a little spice in your life

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