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Tips On How To Get Through A Break Up and Get Over A Heartbreak

Updated on April 12, 2012

How To Get Through A Break Up

Break ups are hard. There's no doubt about that. If your ex was the one who ended the relationship, this can be extremely hard on your ego and self esteem.

Unfortunately, break ups are a part of living and loving. We have all had our hearts broken at some juncture in our loves so you are not a lone.

Whether this is the first time you've had to deal with a heart wrenching break up or if you've had a few under your belt already, but these tips can help you to lessen the pain, as well as . show you some ways on how to get through a break up so you can start healing and get on with your life as soon as possible.

Accept It & Let Go

Accepting the break up will help you to grieve over your loss. You need to accept that it is over so you can start to heal and begin moving on. There is no exception to this.

Clinging to the hopes of being able to save a relationship or that you may have a change in getting them back will prevent you from being able to heal and move on.

Chasing your ex will only push them further away from you. If they were the one to end the relationship, this is even more of fact. Do not try to convince them they are wrong in breaking up with you.This will only cause arguments and fights, and you have better things to do.

Just accept the break up and begin on the path to healing yourself.

Distance Yourself From Your Ex

This is imperative and needed to be done if you want any chance of getting over the relationship. You need to remove yourself from your ex as much as possible in order to begin to heal emotionally and physically.

Do not accept friendship. If they were the ones who ended the relationship, do not accept the offer of friendship for now. I know that right now you are thinking that it may be a good idea, so you can stay in contact with them. Don't fool yourself. It is not a good idea.

You cannot be friends with your ex if you still have feelings for them. They will use you. I don't care how sweet of a person you think your ex is, and they just may be a kind person. However, it's been seen way too many times of someone being used by an ex.

This is what is called a "back up plan." That's what you'll be. You see, it will be great for you ex to still have you around as a last option for when they're bored or lonely or shoulder to cry on when things aren't going well with their new lover.

You are just setting yourself up for more hurt if you agree to the friendship offer, and this hurt will only lead you to get frustrated. Can you guess what this frustration will end up leading too? I sure hope you can piece it together.

If you answered, "more fights and arguments," you answered correctly. Forget your ex and let them live their life. They are no longer your concern. You are your first priority here, and getting on the road to recovery so you can be happy again is what truly matters.

Love Yourself

Right now you may be down in the dumps and your self esteem may be shot. You may think you're a loser or no good or that you won't ever find anyone again.

These feelings are natural after being broken up with, but you have to realize it's just your fear talking right now. You're afraid of being alone, and this fear often leads to desperation.

It surprises me how many people I come across that are extremely fearful of being alone. This causes them to stay in bad relationships or settle for people who aren't really right for them.

It's these people who need someone else to determine their happiness and self worth. I find it sad, because they're living in a world of outside validation. I'm going to say this, and I mean it with my whole heart:

You are the person who needs to validate yourself. You determine your happiness, and if you can't make yourself happy, you won't be able to make anyone happy. This all boils down to loving yourself.

You are not your relationship. You're a unique and wonderful creature that's full of magic and potential. Sure you may have bad qualities, but I'm betting you have amazing qualities as well.

Don't the wonderful qualities about yourself in the background. Bring them to the forefront. Let them shine. Remember, you're ex was drawn to these qualities about you. That's why they fell in love with you.

Those qualities are still very much there. You just have to tap into them again and let them shine. Loving who you are is the only way to do this. Don't sell yourself short. Ever!

Change Your Mindset

One huge problem after a break up is that everything seems like it sucks. We go around seeing the negatives in everything and deny ourselves of anything positive.

Healing after a break up involves changing your mindset after the break up. Instead of looking at it as a bad thing, start seeing it as a good thing. Look, it's true when they say that when door closes another one opens.

It's just too bad that most of us don't recognize this because we're not seeing the positive. We're entrenched in the negatives.

When I went through my break up with someone I loved very much and gave my whole heart to, I had to change my mindset. I had to look at the positives or else the negatives would've only dragged me further down into depression.

How did I do this? I started seeing that I had a lot more time (and money...if you're a guy, you'll know what I mean about this) to do a lot of things I always wanted.

I went full force back into the hobbies I loved. I did things I enjoyed and hung out with friends I loved being around. I even went on a few dates and had a blast. I learned how to make a bit of extra money selling on ebay.

The point is I knew that my happiness is up to me. Sure, being in a relationship could make me happier, but it doesn't determine my over-all happiness.

After I learned how to get through a break up and come out even better than who I was before the break up, I felt very fortunate, and now I help others to get through their own heart break.

You see, when one door shuts another one opens. Change your mindset and start seeing all the wonderful opportunities that can happen and may be opening up to you now.

In conclusion

You control yourself. Only you control how you view the world and how you feel from your perspective. Seeing the negatives in life will only bring you the negatives. It's really true what they mean by you get what you give.

I know this seems hard. The pain of a break up is very intense, but changing the way you look at yourself and the break up can do wonders. Remember, when a door closes another door opens up.

If you need more tips and advice on how to get over a break up, please click the link.

Be sure to comment below or share this article with family, friends or loved ones if you think it may help them.

Thank you and best wishes on your road to recovery.


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    • rabbit75 profile image

      rabbit75 5 years ago

      Thank you p and barry1001...I'm sorry that both of you have had to deal with bad breakups. God knows, I've had my share, but moving on and healing is important.

      It's true and natural to grieve the loss of someone that you loved and hurt you. I recommend you do grieve for a period. Depression is natural as well, but it's crucial that you don't let it get out of control.

      As for the drunken phone there and done that and it's always a huge mistake.

      Thanks for stopping by and commenting!

    • barry1001 profile image

      barry1001 5 years ago from North Wales

      Useful advice, voted up. Having been through several break-ups and been cheated on more than a couple of times, my own coping mechanism tends to be the classic male one; lots of alcohol!!

      First thing to do is always delete your ex's phone number, we've all done the drunken phone call late at night!

    • profile image

      p. 5 years ago

      Very good advice. Although when going through a time like this it is easy to fall prey to depresion etc. As me and my ex sort of had being goin through a rough patch over the last 2 - 3 years of our 10 year relationship. We both agreed to move out and give each other space. At first i was fine. But she then started to see more of a colleague from her previous employment whom she assured me that she would never in a million years get emotionally involved with. Anyway now this gets in my way to allow her space. In turn i just feel so hurt and want her back. Also i am tryin my upmost best to just move on. Anyway gotta go now. Too much for me to say. But will take ur advice and try move on