To Forgive or Not to Forgive? That IS The Question: The Conclusion
Oh Here Is My Final Conclusion....Finally!
Well, before you can get to the conclusion of my story, first read To Forgive or Not to Forgive Parts 1 and 2 in the bottom of this hub so you can catch up with the story. You done? You sure, because if might take a while. You sure now? Okay...now here it goes. The last part ended with my phone ringing and it was the football guy. Well, at first I did not answer it like I usually did when he calls. After the phone briefly stopped ringing, I get another phone call. It was our mutual friend. The whole time I was thinking: Why is she calling? Was she setting this up for me to talk to him?
I picked up the phone and she told me that the guy wanted to talk to me. Then I said, "Why should I have to talk to him? He should get the hint that I want NOTHING to do with him if I am not answering him". She replied, "Shayna, you have to tell him how you really feel because some dudes just do not get it". Again, I decided to then have her dial his number so we can three-way through the phone. He answered the phone and she explained that I was also on the phone. After a brief greeting, I told him that I heard that he wanted me back. He then laughed and said, "I did not say anything about that." He then asked, "Hey, can we be friends?". Really? After all the calls and crazy messages on the phone, now you claim you want a friendship out of me? At that point, I did not even want a friendship with him for all the hell he put me through. I already tried that route before it blew in my face that he wasn't sincere. I said "No, I don't want anything to do with you, EVER." He then started to laugh and said "Chill...I will call you later bye." At that point I was fuming at the fact that he was acting like I was a big joke. I ranted and raved to my friend and she then told me it is all part of a game he is playing. What? I do not have time for the games and bull you-know-what. My friend also told me that I should really go in on his bull.
And so I did. Well, I called him and he answered the phone like he was expecting me. "I do not have time for your games and your lies. You played too much with my emotions and we will NEVER be friends. And I am sick of it." I said. He started laughing the same condescending laugh he did earlier on the phone. Remember when I said earlier that I was fuming? My fuming level went from 50 to 1,000,000! The inner-Brooklyn came out of me at this point because I was pushed to react. I remembered saying, "You know what? Don't ever call me again as long as you live and if you ever do and I do not answer you, that means that I don't give a s#!t about you." Then I hung up the phone. I looked at the clock in my room and realized it was almost 2:00 in the morning and started crying. I was so filled with emotion because I've felt like I let him get the best of me. I hated him at that point.
So filled with emotion, I called my longtime friend to tell her about the situation. I also explained to her my last comment to him was before I hung up. She was shocked at what I said to him. She then explained to me that I was so upset was because I had all that pent-up anger, which was true. I was so focused on trying to save face and show that I was strong that I forgot to work on myself, as it pertains to holding in my emotions. I initially felt bad that I said it. However, as the days went by, I came to the conclusion that it had to happen because that was how I really felt about him and all the hell he put me through. I tried to be the bigger person and forgave him, but it blew up in my face because everything he did and said was complete BS. It was out of all those actions that he did that caused me to react. After all, based on his actions, I should not have to apologize about how I was feeling.
What happened since that incident? Well, he still tried to call me and messaged me on Facebook to "be my friend" until I changed my number and blocked him. I realized now that if a person is sincere in their apology in their wrongs, that they will work their hardest to regain your trust. They should not try to take you forgiving them as a way to use it as a way to manipulate you. I forgive him for all that he has done now. Would I ever be "friends" with him? Never say never, but not right now. I also realized that just because you have forgiven someone does not mean that you have to be friends. In my case, it would be best I just say "hi and bye" to him at this point. Not that I dislike him or anything like that, there is no trust there and I already have real friends that sincerely care about me. In other words, I don't need him. I'm in a happier place in my life and like the old saying goes; What does'nt kill you makes you stronger.
Check Out My Other Stories of Forgiveness....
- To Forgive Or Not To Forgive? That IS The Question.....
Part 2 on my journey to forgiving people and learning the biggest lessons that I have to learn in my life. It is a mixture of a crazy, wild ride and some lessons learned. Oh the crazy college days.
- To Forgive or Not To Forgive? That IS The Question.....
This is the first of a part series about forgiveness of a betrayal. The second part will provide details about whether I decided to let it go or hold on to resentment.But in the meantime...let me give you the whole story.