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To Forgive or Not To Forgive? That IS The Question...Part 1 of the Story

Updated on June 5, 2012
Pretty Peaceful? That is what forgiving results in...
Pretty Peaceful? That is what forgiving results in... | Source

Should I...Or Shouldn't I? My Own Story About Forgiveness

Forgiveness, as one would way, is an act upon kindness to pardon someone for their wrongs. The act of forgiving depends on the circumstances. Did that person apologize? Is it worth holding on to the resentment inside of you? Is that person genuinely apologetic in their wrongs? Or that they have a hidden agenda (i.e manipulation)? Either way in these scenarios, a person has to forgive in order to have peace in their life. They also have to forgive in order to not harbor "hate" in their heart and spirit.

I think a person can forgive either a friend or a mate over little things (a minor argument, accidently knock something out, etc.). But over a betrayal, especially a BIG one, takes a lot of time for someone to forgive. Let me tell you a story *in my Sophia Petrillo voice from the Golden Girls* Picture this: college, 2007, freshmen year. I was a naive 18-year-old living in a dorm. For the first time in my life, I was away from my parents' constant care I would get back at home. I knew some things about life, but I absolutely had no idea. I met a guy at the student center. He played for our school football team at the time. He was not the most attractive looking guy but he surely made it up with his charm. So we hung out on-campus with other friends at the time and since he doesn't have a car, that was all we did. We had our fun together but I knew that he wanted more than just regular kissing and cuddling. I was not ready for that kind of action at all. Long story short, he got mad at me and made a poor excuse of why he didn't want anything to do with me anymore.

The thing that got me was not him dumping me but how he did it. A few days later, he was badmouthing me all over campus and spreading nasty rumors. He even tried to get with a friend of mine in front of my face. I knew he did it so he can get a negative reaction out of me because in his head, that would show that I supposedly "loved him". I didn't show such reaction. Deep inside, I wanted to pound his face in a pavement but he wasn't worth me going to jail over. He left campus a few weeks later and on Valentine's Day, he left a voicemail apologizing for his wrongs, but I never called back. He then found me on Facebook a few months later and wished me happy birthday and even added me as a friend. I reluctantly did after my longtime friend convinced me to at least give him a chance.

He was at first being very friendly towards me but deep inside, I had to tell him how I feel, so I did. He apologized yet again and said that he found God now *deep sigh, typical line*. I decided to forgive him so I can move on with my life. At first, everything was cool and we left messages on Facebook. I thought that everything was going to be platonic between us until he kept sending mixed messages saying "I'm always thinking about you" and "I miss you". I told him that I was not into him like that, but he kept saying that we were just friends. Huh? Then what was those messages about? He then started acting defensive and insisted that we were "just friends". Yea, and I'm Queen Elizabeth. I told him that he shouldn't play mind games like that because I am not the one. But that was not all he did...stay tuned for Part 2 of To Forgive or Not to Forgive! And tell me what do you guys think about the story so far in the comments section below.

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    • shaynadc89 profile image
      Author

      Shayna Cacho 5 years ago from Brooklyn, NY, Living in Delaware

      That is so true! I've realized that now and I don't want to give too much away but let us just say I am at a happier place now. You just have to find out on Part 2 of my outcome and how I dealt with the situation. I had to take it as a lesson learned...that is all i will say for right now until Part 2 lol. Thanks for your feedback!

    • LucidWarrior profile image

      David Cook 5 years ago from Suburban Philadelphia

      Well I like your position on forgiveness. I totally agree that forgiveness is necessary to have peace in your life.

      Regarding your relationship challenges, I have to say I am no expert but you have to question a persons motives when they go back and forth about how they feel about you. It is one thing for a friendship to turn into something more, but you can't go from friends to something more, then back to friends, etc. If you love someone there is no question. Your heart knows the truth.