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Understanding Camaraderie Among Boys
You've Got This One, Buddy!
It was Ethan's turn to bowl. As he took his stance, and swung his arm up behind him in order to spin the ball down the lane, his comrades held their breath in anticipation. All eyes were upon the lone pin positioned on the far right. Would he knock it over?
As the ball rocketed towards the end of the alley, it swerved just a bit to the right, curved, and just kissed the pin. The pin rocked back and forth, spun around and fell over. The boys exploded with whoops and hollers while slapping Ethan on the back.
"We knew you could do it!"
Ethan and his classmates have a strong bond of friendship: a camaraderie of familiarity exists between them, founded upon intrinsic beliefs they all value.
Defining Camaraderie
Webster's Dictionary defines camaraderie as a friendly good fellowship. It is derived from the French word camarade and is used to characterize the easy familiarity between those who know each other well.
Aristotle believed friends function as a kind of mirror of each other, meaning their friendship depends upon similar character traits. By having friends who reflect similar character qualities, one can discover their strengths and weaknesses. They share a sense of value.
Shared activities are common to those who have bonds of friendship. It is prompted by the commitment towards one another and the sense of "brotherliness" in companionship.
Understanding Friendship in Children
The "Buddy" System
As boys age, friends are vital to their emotional and social development. Children who lack friends may become deficient in knowing how to cooperate, negotiate, and problem-solve. Adolescent boys develop devoted, intensely strong friendships with other boys through basic play. Group activities are common methods of interaction among boys this age (See levels 3 and 4 on the chart below). Thus, you may find your child's interest in clubs and sports increase due to the mutual relationships formed.
As relationships strengthen, boys tend to demonstrate they are buddies by caring and comforting each other through challenging times and needs. They begin to share their thoughts and communicate their feelings about certain topics. The support of their comrades allows them to feel a sense of belonging and experience positive relationships. Children feel secure within a circle of friends who find them trustworthy and valued.
Levels of Friendship in Children
Age
| Level
| Description
|
|---|---|---|
3 - 6 years
| 0: Momentary Playmates
| Friends are conveniently nearby. They have similar interests. They assume other children enjoy the same activities. They have a preference in friends. It is the "I want it my way" stage.
|
5 - 9 years
| 1: One-Way Assistance, "What's in it for me?
| Friends are those who do nice things for them, such as sharing a toy, save a space for them, give them presents. They put up with some children, just to have a friend.
|
7 - 12 years
| 2: Two-Way, Fair Weather, "By The Rules"
| Children this age begin to consider other's perspective in addition to their own, just not at the same time. They are concerned about fairness and reciprocity, but think about it in terms of the quid pro quo way. They are judgmental of themselves and others. They are concerned with fitting in and have a tendency to be jealous. Often, they form secret clubs with detailed rules.
|
8 - 15 years
| 3: Friendship - Intimate, Mutually Shared Relationships, "Caring and Sharing"
| Friends solve problems and confide thoughts and feelings, usually only with those close to them. They compromise, do kind things for each other without keeping count. Girls, more than boys, may be best friends and do everything together.
|
12 years and up
| 4: Mature Friendship: Friends Through Thick and Thin
| Children place a high value on emotional closeness with friends. They accept and appreciate differences between themselves and their friends. Less likely to feel threatened when friends have other relationships. Mature friendship emphasizes trust, support, and remaining close over time, despite separations.
|
Source: psychologytoday.com
|
Comrades In Action
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Share Your Thoughts
Is camaraderie soley among boys?
Brotherhood Observed Up Close!
There is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother. —Book of Proverbs
Last Christmas we were thrilled to join our grandson's classroom field trip to the local bowling alley. Watching a group of pre-teen boys interact with each other, while actively participating in a competitive game, kept us entertained. We enjoyed watching the camaraderie between them.
We noted a few social characteristics:
- Greetings consisted of invitations to bowl, or a challenge to bowl a high scoring game
- Participation was a slow approach while commenting on some action or thought
- Boys blended into the activity by encouraging each other and verbalizing approval of their friend's bowling style
- A spirit of community developed as they took turns bowling and scoring their results
- Discussions were minimal, but supportive
- Each child felt they had a meaningful role in the activity and worked towards the team goal
Although the teacher was present, he allowed the boys to engage in the activity with minimal intrusion. This actually festered a spirit of brotherhood; and yet, a sense of independence. The banter was lighthearted as they talked about bowling styles, gaming activities, and their Christmas wish list.
The interaction fostered social skills of cooperation, collaboration, empathy, and kindness. Additionally, the physical contact, such as high-fives and back slapping, allowed for emotional support and an attitude of service towards their friends. Clearly the boys were looking at the sport from the other person's perspective. As C. H. Spurgeon once said, "friendship and love, to be real, must not lie in words, but in deeds." This is true camaraderie.
Popular
Comments
- Author
Ologsinquito, I am amused with the nicknames they call each other. Most women would take offense to such practice. Yes, men bond differently and a bit more smoothly as friends. Take care, dear friend.
I'm not sure I'll ever understand how boys and men interact. It's a mystery to me. They can say and do things that would have most women in tears, such as calling one another ugly. But I think men's relationships with other men are healthier and less complicated than female friendships, in many instances.
- Author
Dolores,
Mary,
Rebecca,
Crystal,
Longtime,
Thank you for commenting and the positive feedback. I find the comradery among boys facinating, it really is the way they learn and communicate.
Your hub was a fascinating read, teaches ... and the comments too! Voted up ++.
This also goes the same with girls. Whenever I'm in a room full of people, the first people I approach to are girls. I love this article.
An interesting read. It is good to know that guys, and people for that matter are basically programmed to get along well with each other.
I have a 17 yr. old son, and I can relate to this Hub. I've been trying to get my son to get a haircut for weeks without success. One of his buddies told him he needed a haircut. Well, that did it!! My son is very loyal to his buddies and they to him.
Voted UP, etc.etc.
I love the commraderie among boys. Having several sons myself, it was amazing to watch this behavior as they grew up. I think that free play with minimal input from adults is a great way to allow this behavior to blossom. (Voted up and beautiful)
- Author
Ologsinquito, you gave me a chuckle with your comment. Women wouldn't dream of joking around when it comes to appearance. Men, they seem to find it amusing.
I notice how my son naturally relates to his friends in a very male way that is foreign to me, as women relate to one another on such a different level. Could you imagine joking around and poking fun at another woman's appearance? Men do this with each other all the time.
- Author
Hello Fiftyish! You have brought out an important issue for most men: they lose the "fellowship" of other men as they age. I am glad to hear how your country is re-establishing the network for men. It will help them to gain strength by connecting with others who can provide support and friendship.
Camaraderie, now that's a word we don't hear too much of these days teaches12345. It kind of fizzled out with the 'gay' crowd, to mean light-hearted and carefree.
Camaraderie among both genders is fundamental to healthy growth, but it shouldn't stop when one gets to a certain age, as it so often does. I've read quite recently that men who cut ties with their fellows at middle age and older, often end up lonely and isolated later on in life, and that's just not good for their general health and wellbeing. It's for this very reason that the Men's Shed projects are becoming so popular across Europe and Australasia in recent years, as we older guys plug back into social networks and once again reconnect with our peers, only this time it's the "Old Boys Network."
Andy Aitch
- Author
Denise, your words are so true. Too bad those mean adults can't see what they are producing. Hope you are having a wonderful week.
Dianne, this is such an important part of development for boys, and it was so well described here, including with the chart. I'm grateful for your detailed explanation and examples.
It saddens me when I don't see children with friends. I was especially moved by the information that there is a supportive fellowship. This is a much different feeling than merely belonging to a club or organization, or even to a gang. For boys to have healthy relationships they need to know that their friends are behind them despite any lighthearted teasing.
It's when teasing becomes an act of tearing down someone's self esteem that it is no longer fun and just mean spirited. There are plenty of those cases around, and plenty of adults who offer role models for meanness.
UP/A/U/I/ and shared across.
- Author
Although it is nice to have neighbors, the differences in ages of the older boys and your son would be better as acquaintances. Your son needs children his age to develop social skills appropriately. The day care is great.. Perhaps you could set up play dates with a few of the children one-on-one for now. I'm sure they would enjoy the get together. Thanks for your support, Ben.
Great essay teaches12345! I was drawn to it because my son has had some trouble blending in with the two older kids in our new neighborhood. He's 3, they are 7 and 9 and he gets bullied a good amount. Hopefully we'll see more of the cooperation you talked about next year! In the meantime he has gotten pretty close to some kids at his daycare. It's great to hear his stories of comraderie. I enjoyed your Aristotle reference.
Ben
- Author
Dancing water, Wow, I am so sorry I didn't see this notice on your comment. Don't know what happened. Thank you for your visit and adding to this topic. Boys will be boys!
JPSO138, enjoy your 1o year old as they develop good friendships. It's always a boost to their level of happiness. I appreciate your support. Have a wonderful weekend.
Very interesting insights. I have a 10 year old child and I learned a lot from what you have provided.
Insightful hub! As a teacher myself, I can attest to your keen observations that boys express through physical action. Thank you for taking the time to observe, process, and express what you experienced!
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Millionaire, thank you for your positive feedback. I love bowling myself and it is one sport that all men, regardless of age, truly bond while playing. Have a wonderful week.
It is interesting to note how friendship changes as a child matures. I love how you used the bowling experience to show camaraderie in action. Voted up.
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Jeffrey, I so know the competitive spirits boys have. It can be useful in molding leadership, but at times it can be a bit unraveling for parents. Nice to see you here, friend.
Growing up with three brothers and all boys for best friends I completely understand. It is especially interestimg to see it shine through during times of competition.
- Author
Hi Bishop,
I so appreciate your feedback on the topic. Your personal experience gives validation to the content. Have fun watching your little boy grow!
Great hub and super useful for raising my 7 year old son! And he fit all the descriptions in the table you added throughout the ages/milestones he's been through so far.
- Author
Hellow Jackie!
I agree, if we could just learn from our children we would gain much wisdom. Thanks for stopping in here and for your added value to the content. Hope your weekend is a terrific adventure!
You know neither of my children had that 'I want it my way' attitude I am so proud to say (1boy-1girl and they are far from perfect now) my son has a friendship that has lasted more years than I want to say, lol, and I don't look for it to ever end. If they ever had even a disagreement without laughing I sure never heard about it. We need to learn that secret. ^
- Author
Hello Midget,
And so it seems! Thanks for stopping in here and for sharing. Enjoy your week and stay safe. Blessings.
Boys hold less of a grudge! Sharing again, Dianna!
- Author
Carly, I agree, boys seem to make amends much quicker than girls. It is fascinating how they enjoy being together, yet they do not need to communicate at times. Thanks for your added value to the post. Hope all is well up north. We are enjoying balmy weather in South Florida tonight.
Your hub is so insightful and you are right camaraderie among boys is so important. My son is now 10. He has several close friends near home and also online games. It is interesting to watch him interact with both.
Boys look out for each other, and if they get mad it is quick and they get over it.
- Author
Dear
Midget,
Tillson,
B. Malin,
Eddy,
RTalloni,
Jools,
Mary,
Pinto
Thank you for supporting this topic. Sorry it has taken me so long to respond. For some reason, I did not get notices on this one.
Your responses are so wise and contribute to the content value, and I appreciate the support. It is true, our children are geared to make friendships with others as they mature, helping them make the right social choices during the early years will help them learn the value of camaraderie. Enjoy your day, stay strong and safe. Blessings!
Hi teaches12345! Very well written practical hub which is full of teaching for how one should commend themselves in the path of life for that fuller upbringing.
I have one 17 yr. old son and I can tell you, his friends are very important to him. Choosing the "right" friends are SO important, I think, cause our children can be influenced so much by their friends. So far, my son has chosen his friends well, and I am very proud of him.
Voted UP and shared.
Dianna, great article. I have a daughter so never really got an opportunity to discover much about boys. If anything, I have made assumptions (which was wrong of me!). When I worked at a primary school, I got a much better idea of the dynamics of boys friendships. Your article really explains the stages well, very interesting.
It can be quite a challenge to understand a boy's need for his buddies, as they never express it as well as girl's do. Thanks for sharing, and passing this around!
Thanks much for sharing from your experiences. That you went with your grandson's class is a point making this worth the read, but what you drew from the time with them gives important insight into boy's friendships. Fostering trustworthiness through their relationships helps boys hone skills that keep them from becoming passive in their family and future work relationships. We need them to learn to become good leaders! History teaches us that building their value by allowing them to function in their miniature communities (with age-appropriate supervision) rather than demasculinizing them though social change is imperative for society as well as for them personally. This is a jewel of a look at camaraderie among boys!
This is so interesting and voted up Dianna.
Enjoy your weekend.
Eddy.
This is so interesting and voted up Dianna.
Enjoy your weekend.
Eddy.
Hi Teacher,
I've been away, but now I'm back!
I raised 2 Sons who were very close and really did not fight, always protective of one another. A lot changed when they started dating and eventually married...I Enjoyed this well written and researched Hub, very Informative indeed!
Once they hit a certain age (and it differs for each individual) boys are definitely more physical in their relationships with each other than girls are. Though girls form comradery with their friends as well. Whether its peer pressure or true friendship they need to spend time with their friends and learn from each other and shared experiences.
Nicely done teaches!
Voted up, useful, and interesting.
A comprehensive look at relationships among boys! Yes,friendships are vital.... or they would feel did connected! Thanks for sharing!
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Hi Martie! Good feedback on this article. Thank you. Yes, seeking camaraderie in the wrong circles is always a concern and one parents should guide kids to avoid. I appreciate your visit and support. Hope all is well in your part of the world.
Excellent perceptive and explanation of camaraderie. Girls can certainly experience the same kind of bond, but their common interests might differ.
And then there are the uprooted and confused, seeking camaraderie in the wrong circles.....
Voted up, informative and well-presented :)
- Author
Ignugent, I appreciate your reflection on this topic. Glad it was interesting for you to read through. Hope you enjoy a great weekend, Ignugent!
- Author
Vinaya, statistics show that as men age, the camaraderie lessons. They contribute it to careers that frequently change and the entrance of marriage that causes men to place it at the center of their lives. Still, men have strong bonds with the men who remain in their lives. Not a bad thing, right?
Boys really have certain ways in showing their loyalty to friends. Thanks for sharing the information about the level of friendship. It is really very helpful for teachers and parents.
Have a nice day! :-)
Camaraderie was very strong when I was in High School. It was s0 strong that I was ready to get thrown out of school but not reveal who broke the classroom door. As I grow older, the feeling of brotherhood is passing away.
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Peggy, being with grandkids is one of the highlights of our lives, they are always a boost to our outlook any day. Men don't seem to get tangled in emotional conversations as much as women, they simply interact and say little. Maybe something to learn from here? Although, I enjoy how we women can share deeply! Thanks adding your thoughts to the conversation, very insightful. Blessings.
I grew up with two younger brothers. There are obvious differences between girls and boys at all stages of life. From my perspective now as an official senior citizen...I do think that the camaraderie between men seems to be easy and fun. It must have been so much fun to see your grandson interacting that way with his bowling buddies. Up and interesting votes.
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Thundermama. so glad to hear this hub was of use to you. Thank you for the positive feedack. Hope your day is going well.
I found this hub so interesting. I am parenting three girls, but provide childcare for a family with four boys and a girl and have to say that boys are so very different then girls in how they play and have friendships. This hub really helped de-mystify them to me. Well done.
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Hi Deborah! Glad you enjoyed this post and that it brought back good memories of your boys. They are all so special, aren't they? Hope you are enjoying a wonderful evening, dear lady. Blessings.
I have two sons. They are now in their thirtys with their
Own families. My boys are the best....now i have two grandsons...this is the best hub.....blessings....deb
wn
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Mekenzie, thanks for sharing this hub post with others. I hope it brings an awareness of friendship, especially of the true friendship of Christ to others. I will look at your post as well. Blessings, dear lady!
This was very interesting to me. I have a ten year old daughter, but she tends to have more friends who are boys. Enjoyed your chart and can see a lot of similarities with my daughter. Shared because I think this is a great hub with loads of info for parents.
teaches, loved this! To bask in the comfort of Camaraderie is a rare and precious treasure.
Friendships for children and boys is vital. As you said the one who lacks friends may become deficient in knowing how to cooperate, negotiate, and problem-solve.
Love how you referred to the Proverbs verse: "There is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother. Jesus is the truest example of a friend .. the one that layed down His life so we might live. Enjoyed the truth in Spurgeon's quote as well, ""friendship and love, to be real, must not lie in words, but in deeds." It caused me to think of Faith and works. Our works are the outward evidence of our love and Faith.
Great hub full of truth teaches. Thanks! Voted Up +++ I will also feature this hub on my FaceBook writers page tomorrow. (Found on my profile)
Blessings and Hugs!
Mekenzie
- Author
Linda, the boys had a great time bowling and made some strikes, but the real story was in the camaraderie. So glad you came to bring a bit of sunshine here. Blessings.
Boys will be boys. I was just chatting with a friend today about how relationships with boys are different than with girls. Boys are more laid back and not "catty" while girls, you know, could be a bit more difficult due to hormones. Oh those hormones. Funtastic hub Dianna, I enjoyed the bowling story, I was hoping he's knock that pin down.
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Hello Alocsin! I totally agree, men bond by doing things -- even if they don't speak, they still manage a sense of fellowship. Great comment - Thanks! Hope all is well in California.
Rosemay, boys tend to take things in stride better than girls. However, when things fall out completely, they just seem to move on at a better pace. Interesting isn't it? THanks for your add to the post.
An interesting hub and observations.
It is true that boys do bond through activities more so than girls. What I noticed with my son and daughter was that the boys didn't fall out like the girls did, the girls would argue over something minor, fall out and then be the best of friends again 2 days later. But I never saw that with the boys at all, their friendships seemed to be constant.
Great hub which gets one thinking about the differences and the way boys bond.
I think one of the differences in male and female friendship styles, which you touch on in this hub, is that women use conversation to strengthen bonds. Men use shared activity and effort. Voting this Up and Interesting.
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Your comment is so validating to the topic, Vellur. I do agree boys have their own method for expressing freienship. Have a great weekend.
An interesting and insightful hub. Action speaks louder than words and this holds true for great friendship. Boys have their own style of expressing friendship! Great hub.
- Author
Teacher,
Girish,
Leah,
Thank you for your insightful comments and support of this topic. There definitely is a difference in how boys and girls develop friendships. Have a great weekend!
It is so interesting how boys' relationships change as they age. My little son Nolan (5 years old) is definitely in the "what is in it for me?" stage. My 7 year old has more sophisticated relationships and enjoys the teamwork and is a definite rule-follower. Both boys love their team sports and adore their friends.
Girls talk and boys do ! very interesting and informative hub, God bless you, Dianna.
Good morning precious sister.
Very well written.
I think boys are much more physical in their interactions, including giving praise, than girls.
God bless you with wonderful adventures with your big boy (Your husband).
- Author
Dr BJ, your observations on the change in socialization between girls and boys supports the studies over the years. It's so true, until they reach late early teen years chidlren tend to keep within their own gender group. Thank you for adding valuable insight here. Hope you are having a good day.
I like your anlaysis, Nell: the boys do. That sums it up well. Have a wonderful day, friend.
Rajan, if the socialization is built upon good values, then it does promote healthy relationships and bonding. I appreciate your feedback on this, it is so valued!
Alicia, thank you for your comment. My thoughts some times take me to deep places, good thing they make sense most of the time! I hope you are having a wonderful holiday.
This is an interesting and informative hub, Dianna. I always enjoy reading your observations and analysis! I hope you have a great Easter.
Friendship and camaraderie does a lot to mold character and develop a good social human being.
Great read, my friend.
Voted up and interesting.
This is really interesting, and I totally agree with the mirror theory, I have seen my son and his friends together many times, and even though they all have their own personalities I do see them having so much more in common, the old saying you can tell someone by their friends is so true, they say girls talk and boys do, and that is so true, great hub, voted up! nell
It is interesting to observe boys and girls as they play and socialize while growing up. Before attending pre-school, boys and girls who were once close playmates may begin to play separately. When they reach elementary school this divide becomes permanent. The girls may be playing as mothers with babies (dolls) in strollers or in a doll house. The boys prefer to wrestle with each other and often enjoy interfering with the activities in which the girls are engaged. But vive le difference!
Enjoyed your fascinating hub, Dianna.
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Liz, glad to hear of how your frienship has lasted through the years. I have friends who I have kept close for over 30 years, it is such a blessing. Have a wonderful weekend.
Mhatter, sometimes junior high school can be a lonely time of our lives. I had difficulty making friends as well since I was put into a new school. We are all your friends here and glad to be a part of your life!
Pamela, with three boys I imagine you know the camaraderie that goes with each stage and beyond. Seems like as they age, into adulthood, some men lose this brotherhood.
Bill, I guess it would make you wonder with me being female. As you know, educators observe and learn about children more than they know (or care to!). Happy Easter to you and Bev.
Frog, interesting that you mention the army. The military has such a strong camaraderie spirit, even though they are not supposed to develop them. Glad you came by and contributed to the discussion. Enjoy your weekend, friend.
Nice piece of writing. I extended some of this into manhood when I spent 23 years in the Army. After I left I didn't really miss most of that experience but I did, and still do, miss the camaraderie.
Nice Hub.
The Frog
Interesting thoughts, Dianna. My first thought when I saw you were going to tackle this subject is .....how can she know about this subject when most boys don't understand what makes them tick. LOL You did well my friend.
Happy Easter!
I am a mother of 3 boys and I love this hub as it is spot on. I remember the different stages they went through as they grew and this brings back memories. Awesome hub.
Thank you for this. In 7th grade I became a loner.
Lovely hub teaches. Boys who develop healthy friendships do seem to have a more secure sense of themselves....girls too for that matter. I am in the UK staying with my best friend of over 30 years.
- Author
I am chuckling here, Gus. Boys will be boys, and then there comes a time when girls come into the picture -- every man for himself! Ha, ha, ha! Thanks for your feedback and visit here tonight. Enjoy your weekend.
Howdy teaches12345 - Good article and interesting to read. As I recall how it was when I was coming along in boyhood, we boys did lots of stuff together - camping, pickup baseball and football, swimming at the lake, fishing, boating, and on and on. During much of those years we rather thoroughly ignored girls. They were totally boring. they played with dolls, dressed funny, didn't go for baseball and the stuff we liked, and so forth. Of course, all of that thinking changed by and by, hastened along by the same things that made our voices deepen and whiskers appear under our noses. :-)
Gus :-)))
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Carol, I agree: so glad we are different. It's what makes life interesting and fun. Enjoy your weekend, dear lady.
Boys to girls and women to men..so different. Men talk about politics, motorcycles, sports etc.. Women well we get into the nitty gritty of life. So glad we are different.
- Author
Boys do have a different type of friendship than girls. It's interesting to watch them interact, they mostly clown around but have some serious moments that are profound! Glad you enjoyed the post, Stephanie. Have a great weekend.
As a mother of two boys, I LOVE this hub! I have a handful of girlfriends but I grew up with a brother and only boy cousins (that lived nearby). Boys/men have such a real and fun relationship! :)
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