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How to Forgive My Spouse

Updated on January 19, 2018

Hurts and Pain Can be Forgiven

Many people often claim they have forgiven others for something very hurtful those individuals may have either done or said to them in the past, yet, they keep reminding their offenders of the offense each time there's a disagreement/altercation between/among them and those individuals.

No doubt, if the offended and the alleged offenders are friends, blood relatives, or even husbands and wives, unforgiveness can certainly complicates any of the above relationships.

Unforgiveness Can Kill Marriages

One Important Question to Ask Yourself

The question is, are you willing to let go and move forward together, or let go and be separated?

It has been said that "if a person keeps revisiting your past, they don't belong in your present or future." Thus, if a marriage has turned sour due to a problem with unforgiveness -- or on account of one partner's unwillingness to outright forgive the other of a wrong doing of the past -- it's going to be rather difficult for both partners to reconcile their marriage differences and move forward as husband and wife.

Forgiveness -- The Unfairness
Some people can be very unfair, in that, although they have been pardoned by others for many wrong deeds, they find it hard to forgive others. This scripture below that was taken from the bible(KJV) is one of such prime examples.

Jesus Tells the Parable of the Unforgiving Debtor
This parable is told as an answer to a question by one of Jesus' disciples -- Peter -- about forgiveness:
Then Peter came and said to him, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Until seven times?" Jesus responded to him, "I don't tell you until seven times, but, until seventy times seven.(NIV; Matt 18:25-35)

Jesus then went on to use this parable (below )of the “Unforgiving Servant” to further illustrates how unforgiving we can be to other.

A Parable to Remember

NIV: Matthew 18:23 - 35.
Therefore, the Kingdom of Heaven is like a certain king, who wanted to reconcile accounts with his servants. When he had begun to reconcile, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents.

But because he couldn't pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, with his wife, his children, and all that he had, and payment to be made. The servant therefore fell down and knelt before him, saying, 'Lord, have patience with me, and I will repay you all!'

The lord of that servant, being moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt. "But that servant went out, and found one of his fellow servants, who owed him one hundred denarii, and he grabbed him, and took him by the throat, saying, 'Pay me what you owe!' "So his fellow servant fell down at his feet and begged him, saying, 'Have patience with me, and I will repay you!'

He would not, but went and cast him into prison, until he should pay back that which was due. So when his fellow servants saw what was done, they were exceedingly sorry, and came and told to their lord all that was done. Then his lord called him in, and said to him, 'You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt, because you begged me.

Shouldn't you also have had mercy on your fellow servant, even as I had mercy on you?' His lord was angry, and delivered him to the tormentors, until he should pay all that was due to him. So my heavenly Father will also do to you, if you don't each forgive your brother from your hearts for his misdeeds."

Recipe for Forgiveness

  1. Admit:- First you have to admit that you are having a rather difficult time forgiving others. If you truly know that the problem between you and your spouse is as a result of an incident of the past that you are still unwilling to let go of, then you just have to admit it.
  2. Submit:- Next you have to submit this struggle to God. Having admitted that you do have a problem forgiving him/her, you should pray to God, asking Him to deliver you from this struggle you are having with forgiveness.
  3. Practice:- Finally, once you submit or surrender this weakness/heavy burden to God, you have to practice forgiveness. For some things or even some people, forgiveness needs time -- it can be a timely process. However, because us humans are creatures of habits, once we allow ourselves to get into the habit of harboring this unwillingness to forgive, over time, un-forgiveness can become a natural tendency of ours. Therefore, practicing forgiveness is extremely important, next to praying to God for His divine intervention. You may start this very moment, and I guarantee you can save this marriage of yours that means a lot to you.

Prayer is the Key


Let's be honest here, we are all human-beings -- subjected to mistakes. At the same token, It's not always easy to forgive. In fact, some things are easier to be forgiven than others.

We must admit that that tongue of ours for example, can be a very dangerous weapon. Sometimes people say some very bitter things to you, so bitter that it breaks the heart, or creates psychological scars that may take years (or a lifetime) for some people to heal.

We also do things at times without thinking of the repercussions or the possibly negative consequences. However, whether people have deceived you, hurt you physically or emotionally, with God's intervention, you can learn to forgive them.

Copyright (C) I.W.McFarlane 2014


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    • mackyi profile image

      I.W. McFarlane 2 years ago from Philadelphia

      Hi Deborah Demander, thanks for reading and also taking the time to comment. You have made a very profound statement in the last two sentences of your comment--- wow! something to ponder! I certainly appreciate your contribution. Who do you think suffers more (psychologically), the person who refuses to forgive or the individual he/she refuses to forgive?

    • Deborah Demander profile image

      Deborah Demander 2 years ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

      Great article. Unforgiveness is a sickness that eats away at the heart. Often times, resentment, bitterness and anger are natural results of not forgiving someone.

      Choosing not to forgive someone is like taking poison yourself, and then waiting for the other person to die.


    • mackyi profile image

      I.W. McFarlane 2 years ago from Philadelphia

      Thanks for stopping by MsDora. Wow! quite an amazing story you have shared here. I honestly think this was really a huge tablet for her to swallow --- adultery. This is indeed a prime example of a wound that would have definitely taken some time to heal. What a find rather interesting is that she admitted that she could have forgiven him, yet choose to put her friends before her relationship! Shouldn't it be the other way around?

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Weithers 2 years ago from The Caribbean

      Very good counsel, IW. One woman confessed to me years after her divorce that she was afraid to forgive. She said, "If I knew I could have forgiven him, I would have." She still loved the man but was afraid to forgive his adultery because of what her friends would say. Your recipe is helpful.