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When A Relationship Turns Dangerous

Updated on April 20, 2011
When A Relationship Turns Dangerous
When A Relationship Turns Dangerous

It's very sweet when we fall in love. Never passes through our mind that we can be a victim of any type of abuse. But sometimes the fairytale end like a terrible nightmare. In some way the love blinds us and when we wake up to reality, we realize that we are immersed in a very complicated situation unable to end it. The relationship that began with so much emotion turns into a time bomb ready to explode at any time. The person we chose to share everything has become our greatest fear. It happened to me and this may be happening to you. Thankfully I came out of a volatile relationship and I want to tell my story to help those girls who are living the same situation.

How Everything Starts

Everything starts so subtly you do not even realize when everything changed. Maybe you have not identified yet the first signs that something is wrong. Or just don't want to belive that the person you love could hurt you.

When I met this guy everything seemed perfect, we were right for each other. He only was my boyfriend. I never marry him, not even lived with him. Everything was changing gradually. Usually people who abuse in a relationship use different ways to do it. They combine verbal abuse, psychological, and physical for assaulting his victim. They try to have absolute control over the relationship and your own person. This person slowly steal all your life. That was my case.

Below are a list of signals that make a relationship at high risk to be abusive. These are listed in the order that usually happen. Pay attention and see if you identify with any of them.

An Abusive Relationship Consumes Our Lifes
An Abusive Relationship Consumes Our Lifes

Verbal and Psychological

  1. Start a fight for no reason.
  2. Call you by disrespectful nicknames.
  3. He yells and use bad words when speaking with you.
  4. Use an authoritative tone when speaking.
  5. Critique your family in a disrespectful manner.
  6. He question every minute of your time.
  7. Requires that you ask him permission each time you go out.
  8. He often call asking where you are, who is with you, and what are you doing.
  9. Not letting you interact with any man. And I mean not even talk.
  10. Completely takes you away from your friends.
  11. He blames you for all the problems in the relationship.
  12. He lies constantly to you.
  13. Often he invents know that you're cheating.
  14. If you try to end the relationship, he cries, says that everything will change, that he will not do it again, that he loves you. And this becomes a routine in the relationship.
  15. He is extremely jealous.


  1. He can start by squeezing your hand tightly.
  2. He pushes you.
  3. He pulls you by the arm.
  4. He pulled your hair.
  5. He Bites you.
  6. He kicks you.
  7. He Slap your face.
  8. He punches you.
  9. Any other type of physical aggression. Not necessarily need to leave marks to be abuse.

Cause And Effect

As everyone says, everything in life is cause and effect.The violence leaves permanent marks on any person life. I was not the exception. Your self esteem goes way down and feel a deep sadness. Nothing interests you and do not trust anyone anymore. You turn away from your family to avoid having to answer questions, they all have noticed the change in you. Most of those people around you want to advise you, they do not think you see what is happening. They want to open your eyes. But you know what happens, you're living it. Your romantic relationship has reached a point where your life could be at risk. I knew that if didn't put an end to that relationship soon I could die at any time. I needed to do it for me, for my life, but how? It was like a circle that was repeated over and over again.

Friends Could Be A Great Support For You
Friends Could Be A Great Support For You

What To Do?

It took me a lot time and effort to make the decision to terminate that relationship that was consuming my life. Stand firm on the decision was even harder. I had to hold a lot of pressure because he used to come crying and begging forgiveness. He also started to follow me everywhere. I had to fight with my own feelings, I realized that I gave him too many chances to change and that was never going to happen. My family and friends were my support. I began to interact with new people and met new friends. I would say the best years of my life came after that stormy and terrible experience.

Everything that happened to me helped me to be more careful when getting involved with someone romantically. It made me stronger. A few years after, I knew the perfect person for me. Don't be afraid to start a new relationship. Now I have a beautiful family.

If you identify with some of what you just read please take action. You have the strength to stop any kind of abuse. Don't wait too late. Don't think that the situation will change, that's not true. Don't think nothing is going to happen to you, all victims who have died have thought the same. Brake the silent. Talk to someone you trust about it or seek professional help. If you need to talk to someone who has been through the same experience here I am, you can contact me. (

I feel lucky to be alive. I've met other girls who unfortunately were not so lucky. I hope I have created awareness in the mind of any girl part of a dangerous relationship.  I will be glad if this article serves to help save a life.


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    • jameygc profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago

      Sadly you are right. And every day are more and more. Is alarming the increase in domestic violence cases. Hopefully my article can touch some of these girls and make a difference in their lives.

    • temitope oluwakem profile image

      temitope oluwakem 

      7 years ago

      That's so sad to hear,and i believe there are still some girls out there,that are still involve in this kind of relationships with the hope that things will get better when they are married to the guy.

    • Jonathan Janco profile image

      Jonathan Janco 

      7 years ago from Southport, CT

      It's very sad that someone could get into this situation and then have so much trouble to get out of it. My mother was in an abusive relationship for several years and it almost claimed both of our lives. To this day I am grateful that she left him but I still have a number of trust issues even though it is 25yrs later.

      Great hub, and best of luck to you in your quest to help others.

    • jameygc profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago

      Thanks girls. Yes, you feel violence is normal because you think everything they want you to think. I used to feel sorry about him when everything started because I know his mother was victim of domestic violence when he was a child. I thought I could change him. And then I realized that was a chain stronger than me. I even tried to get professional help. The doctor said that he could not guarantee at the end of that process we necessarily be together. My boyfriend was so mad. As you Salt said, he thought I had to stay with him no matter what. At that point I understood I had done everything in my hands to help him. Now was time to help me get out of that hell. When I finally did it I thought my nightmare was over, it was just started. He started to follow me everywhere. I was psychotic looking around all the time. If I was driving I used to park and wait all the cars were gone. But thank God I success, that is because I want to help some other girls. Not always they think they are stronger enough to take that step. Thank you very much for your support and for the opportunity to express myself.

    • salt profile image


      7 years ago from australia

      I wish to note here too, the sense of missing someone from when they are good. The sense of emotion that can last months or years after is sometimes a false emotion. The perpetrator can send that emotive feeling. Holding on to your belongings and thinking of you. Having family photos of other relatives and using that to try and psychically call you back in.

      If you add abuse to a child or adult, for that matter, the confusion caused can create distorted yes and no answers. Someone playing out the loving child as per the role the perpetrator can set out for them in the "it never happened" reality with the victim switching or turning off because it can be to complex to cope with.

    • katiem2 profile image


      7 years ago from I'm outta here

      What a great hub, thanks for sharing. This is vital to get out and share with others. You're so right and it often feels like it can't be real or it's so crazy and the abuser is so crafty it seems as if it's normal and yet it is not. Thanks for the great advice and help. :) Katie

    • salt profile image


      7 years ago from australia

      Excellent. I understand exactly this situation. I must admit though, I called the police after being kicked across a floor and I was told "we dont do assault charges love." I began to think I must be the one with the problem. Everyone else said hes sick. He might be, it still doesnt mean I deserve that. I slapped him gently 3 times after having been at his family dinner and he had been standing over me calling me every name there was and his sister in law that night had been talking about slapping children, so I tapped his chin, thinking well, maybe they are all right and Im wrong. I was someone who believes in not smacking children, but thinking that this woman, a QC was better educated than I was, I thought, well maybe I am out of step. Maybe I am the uptight whatever that they all called me.

      I wasnt and am not. Ive learnt when particular types of men call you names, its a sign of their lack of education, a sign of their abusive nature, not anything about who you are. Always remember that.

      Was it a difficult time. Yes. I learnt alot about the tricks. That never happened, that was 18 months ago when it was 6 or 7 or however many months,, but not 18. They pretend it didnt happen and you somehow walk in that energetic message until you figure out how they do it. This trick is a very important one for child abuse too. Men who say that can play with the mind. Be aware of the wording of certain phrases and you will soon understand how they do it.

      They can pretend in their mind, that your their mother or family member who will forgive them anything. They can pretend its the past. They can send the "I love you feeling, when they are yelling at you with such venom." The game play really is almost a form of psychological warfare. Remember that.

      I also wish to note, there are good people in domestic violence, yet they are fed by women being harmed. I attended a group for women who had been through these types of relationships and heard that "yes" that you only hear when people feel they have to say yes when they want to say "no". These women were at times scared of the workers.

      Take the steps to hide money, take the steps to get yourself free as best u can and work to find a support network that helps you, not one that feeds a system. Lawyers, politicians and others feed off a destroyed marriage. The marriage cycle is used as an energetic "engagedment" - ie romancing the media,etc.. Once you learn these things, you may discover how bizarre some of it all actually is.


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