ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

When divorce is the best option.

Updated on June 6, 2011

“When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn’t a sign that they “don’t understand” one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.” –Helen Rowland

Judging by the opening quote it should be apparent what this story is about...D-I-V-O-R-C-E. Tammy Wynette, eat your heart out honey! I was married for 16 years and just recently came to my senses, deciding that either I was going to stay married and slowly molder away in an insane stew of family dysfunction or I was going to learn to live again without him. The subject had been batted around for several years, usually after he had consumed a few beers and was feeling sore about having it pointed out to him that a 40+ year-old man, with a capable wife, should not have his mother buy his underwear for him still! That is but one example of the swampy mess I found myself swimming in, struggling to keep my head above water so the wrinkled sea hag of a mother-in-law couldn’t pull me under.

No one really thought that I would actually ask him to move out, ask him to stop benefiting from my good credit, ask him to never touch me again or refer to me as his wife but, I did all of those things. This is a story about freedom.


I'll drink to that!
I'll drink to that!


If you made a list of reasons why any couple got married, and another list of the reasons for their divorce, you'd have a hell of a lot of overlapping.” –Mignon McLaughlin

Deciding to accept a marriage proposal is rather easy. The hard part is learning to accept the truckload of baggage that a spouse-to-be keeps hidden for years, only to have it sprung on you after common sense has returned a decade later. Truth in advertising is key and every marriage seems to be based on some sort of deception or another, which is unfortunate. Given the choice, I’d rather be happily married to a man I love and trust but, once honesty has been tarnished, love has a way of eroding like a handful of sugar trying to make a stand against warm water. I always assumed that marriage implied “trust,” as in, “I trust you enough to give you my last name. Or, I trust you explicitly and can sleep next to you at night without being fearful of you knifing me in the back while I dream about puppies and pretty flowers!” My dreams got pissed on for years and finally I decided to stop being all sweet like sugar.

Glad I paid that policy!
Glad I paid that policy!

“What a holler would ensue if people had to pay the minister as much to marry them as they have to pay a lawyer to get them a divorce.” --Claire Trevor

To know, in advance, everything about the person you are going to be “tied” to for a potential eternity isn’t really too much to ask in my opinion. I have nothing against the “tying up” option, it is rather exciting in fact, but I do feel that life can only be played out in a fair fashion when all players have every advantage and a level playing field. If we only knew what was ahead then maybe, just maybe, a wise and thoughtful consideration about true intent could be made when given all the facts. Do I marry this man, a man who hasn’t quite been separated from his umbilical attachment to this mother? An attachment that was fraught with discord and unresolved anger but…an attachment that knocked me out of contention none the less. This was a fact that I needed to know in order to make an educated decision but was blocked from viewing the full extent of the Oedipus complex in play. Is that grounds for divorce? You be the judge of that.

“A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table.” --Jean Kerr

So, when asked if I am “still in love” I say “No.” “Do you want to stay married?” Again, I say, “No.” Does he fully understand and accept? NO. Why is it that when women make up their minds men do not believe it? I have no frame of reference for this since I am the sort of woman who does what she says she will do and means what she says with no “take backs.” He asked, I told the truth and then immediately filed for divorce, no big surprise there since his last words were, “You can file and I won’t stand in the way.” I have always been the sort, when issued a challenge, to rise above and beyond and…I did just that. The papers were filed, he claimed we could still be “friends” and then had the nerve to suggest a parting fling for “old times’ sake.” Dear Lord in Heaven! If I was intent on divorcing you WHY would I ever agree to have sex with you again???? Again, grounds for divorce, divine justification even? You are requested, by me, to be the judge!

The paperwork was filed, we both signed with no fuss or debate but still, reality had not fully sat on his head like the warm hind quarters of a mother hen incubating an egg, nursing it into existence. THIS IS YOUR NEW LIFE! WAKE UP!

“Many divorces are not really the result of irreparable injury but involve, instead, a desire on the part of the man or woman to shatter the setup, start out from scratch alone, and make life work for them all over again. They want the risk of disaster, want to touch bottom, see where bottom is, and, coming up, to breathe the air with relief and relish again.”-- Edward Hoagland

I was set-up…no doubt! In being sold a faulty bill of goods I feel that I was fully within my rights to trade said “lemon” in and move on with my dignity intact. Truth be told, in the end that is what divorce is really intended to be. “I put up with your crap for odd number of years, you refused to work with/respect/honor/cherish me so therefore and hereto with…I am starting over without you. Best of luck, hope you and your mother are happy together and…I am selling the ring.”


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)