- Gender and Relationships»
- Relationship Problems & Advice
Where's the optimism?
I've been reading now for about a week. Reading all kinds of topics and issues and thoughts,dreams,opinions (informed and uninformed), worries, and concerns. They are all out there for me to pick through, read, comment upon, decide if its worth a read. In this particular topic search I looked into relationship and gender matters.
There's the typical commentary about how the world is not quite equal to both genders, not just yet. There's the typical 'men don't think', 'men do what they want no matter the consequences', men cheat, they lie, they can't stay in a stable and honest relationship. As a member of the less fair gender, the more hairier if you wish, I feel a little jilted by all I have read. I say all because it would be unfair to make grand comments by singling out particular writers/articles/comments.
As I read through hundreds of posts I realize there is a lack of optimism towards my gender. A lack of belief in us, and about us. Many believe we are unable to care, to swoon, to be romantic, to be monogymous, to make women happy. This last mentioned item is a false one, but simply on the premise of 'someone' making someone else happy. I can be happy when I chose to ignore a lot of ignorant things in my life. I can be happy for the people in my life, I can feel great when I bump into a friend I have not seen in some time. All of these instances I chose to be happy... no one makes me so. If I depended on someone else to make me happy, I fear I would be unhappy for the rest of my days. No one has control over that other than me. And so, for the sake of arguing, if I am not optimistic in my choices throughout life, then I cannot be optimistic about being happy. But... that's faulty as well. For my happiness stems from my feelings of myself, of my successes/failures/developments, my happiness comes from a place inside of me that no one other than me has access to.
So, if we control our happiness, if we accept this tennant, we can decide that due to others lack of affect on us, we can agree that we do not need to be dependant upon others for our own feeling of wellbeing. We can erase feelings of inadequacy, we can march to our own beat, bask in our own sun, we can be .... and be happy. You be you and I'll be me, and see how happy we can be. Acceptance of others is key...as one cannot control anothers happiness, nor can we control theirs. This way there is no owness on anyone, there should not be any obligation that we are the creator and determiner of someone elses happiness.
Once that is agreed upon, then we can further the thought that as someone cannot be my happiness, they have no control over it, we can also agree that as happiness is so multi-faceted, and is contained in all the things we do, and all the people we know, and all the sights and events we take in, we should be able to also agree that it would be an impossibility for one person's happiness to be found inside of one single being. All the things I do, all the people I know, all the things I have learned, all affect me, and as a result impact whether I am happy or not.
If we let it go, the idea that others create our happiness for us, we will likely become less stressed, and less jaded. My gender isn't well adjusted and has difficulty expressing feelings.. they tend to come out more raw than we wish them to. But... when your boyfriend says he wishes not to attend a baby shower and would rather hang out with friends watching the football game... understand that this is a piece of the puzzle for his happiness... not simply a reason not to hang out with your friends...he really doesn't dislike them as much as you think.
And if we have control.. and IF we are honest with ourselves, then there is no reason for us not to be happy... and who doesn't want to be the master of their own domain??