Why Men Won't Commit

Ask most men about what keeps them from getting into a relationship and you’ll likely get a bunch of varying answers that all pretty much say the same thing. They like their life the way it is and are afraid that by committing to just one person indefinitely they will somehow lose their identity. While this may be the outward reply, the inward source is simply reconciling the meaning of “commitment”. Now this isn’t to say that all relationships swallow life as we know it and spit out an entirely re-defined existence, but society has shown in growing trends that commitment is an elusive and fading quality.

What is it about commitment that scares us? Notions of marriage instilled from past generations and stigma about divorce, child custody battles, infidelity, you name it, all create an emotion of wariness and caution. How do you know that this is “the one” as if out of 6 billion people on this planet there is just “one”. This very statement alone is at the heart of what draws out the fear. So much emphasis is subconsciously placed on “picking” the right one as if it were a life and death decision. So much illusionary pressure, unsubstantiated assumptions play over and over in our minds about a life that is yet to be lived. What makes us happy today may not necessarily make us happy tomorrow, so how do we know?

This resulting battle of envisioning the future, rating, comparing the pros and cons stops most men from committing to a relationship. Making matters worse, is the pre-conceived notion men have about women, that they are all looking for a relationship. That they all want the house, the family, the kids and family vacations. So before a budding relationship even takes root, preconceived bias’ are competing against each other.

There’s a reaction that occurs when making decisions, when a direction and course is charted. Think back to any major decision you’ve made in life, what college to go to, what degree to pursue, where to live…etc. Picking a partner is probably the biggest decision you can make in life….especially considering our historical notions that you’re supposed to pick the one to spend the rest of your life with…..so better not mess up. Our reaction to this decision freezes us in our tracks.

Its romantic to think that there is just one for you, that the rest of your life you will spend next to this person, but statistically speaking, its unrealistic. Yet dream we do in anticipation that we are the chosen ones that sit in the minority able to buck the trend if only we are patient and select wisely.

But ultimately what draws out commitment has nothing to do with burning desires for commitment, its natural instinct of strength and safety in numbers to raise a family, and enter a new chapter in life. So if you ask men why they don’t want to commit, the answer truly boils down to….not being ready to live for someone other then themselves.

Call it selfish, call it what you will, but the fact is, that most uncommitted relationships are a result of two people being in the right place at the wrong time.

Most guys won’t commit because they still feel as if they have work left to be done before they are ready to settle down and be the family man….if they even want that at all, at which case, commitment may eternally escape him. Its not about sleeping around, or enjoying drunken all-niters, although that’s what gets the attention. Its about enjoying the freedom that comes from knowing where you are in life, that at this moment, commitment isn’t necessary to have the life currently being lived…one day at a time…tomorrow, that could be a whole different story.So how can you get a man to commit?