ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Why Men Won't Commit

Updated on April 23, 2014

Why Men Won't Commit

Ask most men about what keeps them from getting into a relationship and you’ll likely get a bunch of varying answers that all pretty much say the same thing. They like their life the way it is and are afraid that by committing to just one person indefinitely they will somehow lose their identity. While this may be the outward reply, the inward source is simply reconciling the meaning of “commitment”. Now this isn’t to say that all relationships swallow life as we know it and spit out an entirely re-defined existence, but society has shown in growing trends that commitment is an elusive and fading quality.

What scares us?

What is it about commitment that scares us? Notions of marriage instilled from past generations and stigma about divorce, child custody battles, infidelity, you name it, all create an emotion of wariness and caution. How do you know that this is “the one” as if out of 6 billion people on this planet there is just “one”. This very statement alone is at the heart of what draws out the fear. So much emphasis is subconsciously placed on “picking” the right one as if it were a life and death decision. So much illusionary pressure, unsubstantiated assumptions play over and over in our minds about a life that is yet to be lived. What makes us happy today may not necessarily make us happy tomorrow, so how do we know?

It is a Big Decision

This resulting battle of envisioning the future, rating, comparing the pros and cons stops most men from committing to a relationship. Making matters worse, is the pre-conceived notion men have about women, that they are all looking for a relationship. That they all want the house, the family, the kids and family vacations. So before a budding relationship even takes root, preconceived bias’ are competing against each other.

There’s a reaction that occurs when making decisions, when a direction and course is charted. Think back to any major decision you’ve made in life, what college to go to, what degree to pursue, where to live…etc. Picking a partner is probably the biggest decision you can make in life….especially considering our historical notions that you’re supposed to pick the one to spend the rest of your life with…..so better not mess up. Our reaction to this decision freezes us in our tracks.

There is Just One out of Billions?

Its romantic to think that there is just one for you, that the rest of your life you will spend next to this person, but statistically speaking, its unrealistic. Yet dream we do in anticipation that we are the chosen ones that sit in the minority able to buck the trend if only we are patient and select wisely.

But ultimately what draws out commitment has nothing to do with burning desires for commitment, its natural instinct of strength and safety in numbers to raise a family, and enter a new chapter in life. So if you ask men why they don’t want to commit, the answer truly boils down to….not being ready to live for someone other then themselves.

Rate of Divorce in the US

Call it selfish, call it what you will, but the fact is, that most uncommitted relationships are a result of two people being in the right place at the wrong time.

Most guys won’t commit because they still feel as if they have work left to be done before they are ready to settle down and be the family man….if they even want that at all, at which case, commitment may eternally escape him. Its not about sleeping around, or enjoying drunken all-niters, although that’s what gets the attention. Its about enjoying the freedom that comes from knowing where you are in life, that at this moment, commitment isn’t necessary to have the life currently being lived…one day at a time…tomorrow, that could be a whole different story.So how can you get a man to commit?

How Many Serious Relationships have you had?

See results

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Darkproxy profile image

      Darkproxy 

      6 years ago from Ohio

      Personally I won't commit to women mostly because they aren't quality women.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)