Wondering if anyone has a secret with dealing with an annoying temporary guest in your home?
Recently I am helping out this woman who has no place to go for the week till she leaves town for good. She is moving on Feb. 1st. At the time I was in a really good, happy mood and so I said sure I can help you. Now I am kind of sorry I did. I was just trying to be nice and what I got was a big fat nightmare....
paradigmsearch: I shortened the above wall of text significantly , is that better now?
I'd be going crazy, too. If you have the money, it would be worth putting her up in a cheap hotel. Therapy will cost more than that, if you don't get her out og there.
Perhaps ask the church to help - they surely know the type of issues she brings. Tell them you did not realize what you got yourself into, and you want her out NOW.
Another idea. Get someone else to be there (you'll need the witness & the reinforcement that you mean it), and tell her in front of them, "I'm sorry, I really wanted to help you, but this is not working out for either of us. I have paid for one night at the Dew Drop Inn, and you'll have to make other arrangements after that."
There may also be a shelter in town. Use it.
She is needy, and has issues beyond any help you can offer. It is NOT your job.
That's the problem I don't have alot of money and she has just been doing temp. jobs for the last 3 yrs. so she has no money either....It's interesting isn't it that all of her supposed other friends couldn't help her out....now I can see why . It's just my life lesson to be careful what I am saying yes too.
Yes, you are right. The other friends have been tapped out. Anything beyond emergency help becomes enabling behavior in such cases. Take care of yourself. And please let us know what happens?
Thank you Marcy I will. Hopefully it will be just mon. tues. and wed. and then Hopefully the person who bought her ticket and is taking her to the airport will let her stay with her thurs. night.. Then I can sage my whole apt. and have a good energy clearing and claim my space back !!!! Yeah!!!! Can't wait for that!!!! And never invite that energy in my space again!!! lesson definitely learned!!!
Actually, I thought what you posted was helpful. It truly is a nightmare situation. I'd have added a few paragraph breaks, but the information was useful in letting us know how serious it is. For what it's worth, I'd have probably vented in one long block of text, too. You have a right to be upset.
Thank you Marcy for seeing that I need to tell her to leave. Actually today she is gone all day and tommorow I'll be gone all day then then tues. and thurs. she'll be gone all day doing a temp job so it's not like she'll be home all day thank goodness. I feel sorry for her poor sisters that will need to deal with her.
tonight and tommorrow night and then it's all over. I will never again say yes to this person, she is just so selfish. Last night she didn't even bother telling me when she was coming home so i could let her in. She had said in the morning that she'd be home between 6-6:30 pm so I got home a little earlier to have some breathing space before I had to deal with her and she pounded(not knocked like a normal person) at 9:30pm and I was on a long distance call. I was beyond pissed off....she just has no sense of anyone else's time or space. I can't wait for this nightmare to end. I don't look forward to going home tonight. I left at 6:30 am so I could go to the laundrymat and then my appointments for the day, just to avoid her. I am praying to my angels for strength for the next 2 nights. Just thought I'd keep you posted.
Hang in there - and give us an update. Hope she leaves peacefully, and DO NOT feel guilty if you have to be firm about her leaving; some people plug into well-meaning friends and acquaintances and suck the life out of them.
Good luck! And thanks for checking in - thinking of you!
Yes I was firm this morning before I had to go to work and I told her where the laundry rm. was in my complex and how to use the machines and that I wanted her to pack everything up except for what she was going to wear tommorow for the airport. And wonder of wonder miracle of miracles she completed the task with a little griping but she did it and I helped carry all her bags etc..to her car and then she is off today to go to her storage unit and her hairdresser and to firm things up with the lady who is taking her to the airport tommorow!!! So yeah for an afternoon of quiet.... I have made plans with a friend of mine for a celebratory dinner tommorow night so something wonderful to look forward to after a week of emotional hell...
Thank goodness! Okay - I will need to know that she actually GOT ON THAT PLANE before I can put this aside! Promise you will let us know?
You should write a hub about this - in fact, there are a couple of potential hubs in the story. Enabling people, learning to say no at the right time, etc. etc.
Ding Dong the psycho's gone now I can go to bed!!!!! Yeah!!!! She finally left this morning. She woke up at 4am bangining and clanging etc... so when I heard she was in the shower I ripped off all the sheets and pillow cases and bedding she was sleeping with and folded up my foutoun and swept a bit and lit a candle. Then I ran down to the laundry and immediatly washed alll her bedding. I then went back up to the apt. and she was still in the bathroom and i just went back to bed for a bit. Then after 30 min. I ran downstairs again to throw the clean things into the dryer and came back upstairs to swearing and the negative whirly dervish of her energy again and she said she forgot her makeup in the car and so i said you woke up so early you have plenty of time, go down and get your makeup, no worries.....anyway finally a little bit after 6am she finally got the last of her things and I started lighting my sage and she said "eewww, what's that smell" and I said it is sage and it helps clear negative energy from the room and she said it's going to make my hair smell , so I just said well then it's time to go so you don't catch rush hour traffic. So she stood out on the porch and I gave her a quick hug and she squeezed onto me and I just pulled away and wished her well and we both established that she will never stay with me again . I told her she was doing the right thing by going to her family and getting the help she needed and that it would all be o.k. and then i put on my tibetian chanting monks and opened up all the windows and saged and cleared all negetivity. Then I did my own wash and took a much needed bubble bath and lit a beautiful scented candle and listened to the monks and had my zen moment. I then treated myself to breakfast and then I'm off to work and a new stress free day!!!! Yeah!!! Life is good again!!!! Many Many Mnay blessings to you Marcy for tuning in and giving me some sanity during these insane days!!! I have definitley learned my lesson!!!!
Woo-hoo! I'm so relieved for you! Your situation reminded me painfully of some soul-sucking people I have known. Good for you for drawing boundaries, getting through the week and keeping your sanity!
Thanks for the update - I needed to hear this!
I have several times taken in people down on their luck and provided a roof and food. For a week I can tolerate nearly anything; it's when it stretches to months it becomes untenable.
So I would say suck it up and live with it for a week. You are doing the right thing in helping out and your karma will improve. Or at least you'll feel good about yourself, even if you feel stupid for doing it.
Do be prepared, though, for "tough love" if she doesn't leave when agreed on....
Good advice, wilderness. I almost see that coming. Hope that's not the case. Anyone who read the original post before it was edited can see it's an impossible situation. Yes - prepare a solid boundary line and stick to it. Feb. 1st can't come too soon.
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