Is the world just too big?

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   Beth37posted 10 years ago

   I had mentioned before that I was a bit of a recluse in real life.
   I get frequent invitations from ppl at work to go out, (albeit mostly from 20 year olds, b/c I work at a grocery store.) But I don't really want to. I have on occasion, but it's always just to be nice. I did get invited to an 18 year old's high school bday party. I turned him down. lol
   
   So it's not like I don't have the opportunity to go out, I just prefer home. I prefer my kids and the consistency of this environment. And when I shared these things, most of the ppl who posted, agreed. You all said you felt the same way, for the most part.
   
   I don't even have friends and family on my FB home page. It's all organizations etc. It's safe to say a lot of us are loners... but here's the thing... we let each other in nearly every day. We purposefully turn our computers on, sign in to HPs, and go straight to the forums. We actively seek each other out. Does anyone else find that a little bizarre? That so many of us loners go looking for the same group of ppl to associate with, every day?
   
   Just like it would be within any society we lived in, there are a few we don't get along well with and we try to have a positive attitude even when we might not understand them. Then there are those we love, or at least really look forward to hearing from... and then those we hope tolerate us. But we do that here and not so much out there.
   
   So is it the ppl? Are there specific ppl that you just can't live without? Or are ppl interchangeable in a way? (With all due respect to each individual.) Or is it the conglomeration of minds? Does this group draw you b/c, as a whole, they are unique? Or is it the atmosphere that HPs fosters?
   
   You could be anywhere in the world now, even anywhere on the internet. Why is this the environment you've chosen to fill SO many of your days and nights?

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      janesixposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      For me, personally, it is simply that I am a human being, and thus crave, on occasion, human interaction. We are social creatures.
      
      Online, I can turn it off when I feel like it, without any social repercussions. No one will be annoyed or feel ignored if I don't show up.
      
      If I'm not in the mood, or don't like someone, there is always the OFF button.
      
      In real life, there isn't.
      
      It's a means of social interaction without the responsibility of maintaining a friendship. Or enemyship:)

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         Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

         Yes, I totally agree... and I think that ends up being the general consensus... but why *this group, Jane?

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            janesixposted 10 years agoin reply to this

            I'm not sure. This group seems to be longer lasting than other forums on different sites, for some reason.
            
            I can be gone for months at a time, and a large number of the usual people will still be here.

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               Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

               You were gone for a long time. I thought maybe you had been banned or something.

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                  janesixposted 10 years agoin reply to this

                  I get banned on a regular basis.
                  
                  Then I decide not to come back, FOREVER, which lasts about two months.

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                     Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

                     hahaha... We are not so different in that respect. lol

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                     Motown2Chitownposted 10 years agoin reply to this

                     
                     
                     I always enjoy seeing you here.  I find your thoughts and conversation fascinating and fun.

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      amiebutchkoposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      You know Beth, I have wondered the same thing.  At first I started with hubpages just to get cooking with writing and then I got "introduced" to all these people.  I actually think about people on hubpages!  I think, "They must be so nice," and I even wonder about them.  They make me laugh, they share emotion and feelings.... all their differences and individualities. Perhaps it is this personal sharing and the fact that here, you can really be who you are.  All the other preconceived notions people in the real world have about you - they are gone here.  You can actually say just what you think here...  That may be what has drawn me in?  Or maybe it is the fact that we owe eachother nothing.  It is just pure choice that we interact; no obligation.  I like that.

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         Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

         That's hilarious... I have been in knock down drag outs with ppl (so to speak) and when I go to work, I forget it all, for the most part, but in my car, on the way home... they enter my thoughts and Im like... "Oh are you still here?" Yeah, it's really interesting how this forum of ghosts, is actually a room full of real ppl. We are a part of each other's lives, though we come and go at the drop of a hat. If someone is going to write a book, they should write one on forums. Ill give them a lot of good stories.

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      Motown2Chitownposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      You know, I found HP totally by accident.  I love writing and it was a platform that gave me a lot of freedom. I have a tendency to attach quickly to people whose company I enjoy, and I ran into tons of fascinating people here. Many of them became dear friends-that I've yet to meet in person.  Others are dear friends that I'm in contact with every day-and have become some of the closest and best friends I've ever had.
      
      I am by nature a very sociable person, but I have some major anxiety issues that make getting out among a lot of people (especially ones I don't know) really difficult for me.  Even interacting with extended family for any length of time can overload me occasionally.  I'm JUST like you, Beth, in that I also just really love my home.  My space, my family-the very peaceful, warm, and welcoming environment that we work to maintain.  And my husband and daughter are my two favorite people in the world, so being with them just makes me happy.
      
      HP specifically because I find so many people with similar interests who like to spend time discussing things that fascinate me.  Also, because I have encountered people who are SO similar to me and yet SO different at the same time.
      
      Today, I found myself actually shedding years for a former hubber who's passed away.  Stumbled across something he'd said in a forum and felt a painful twinge of longing that he could still be with us.
      
      All just words on a screen maybe, but as much of a window into our souls sometimes as our eyes can be.
      
      Peace, sister.  Love this thread.
      
      

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         Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

         Just words on a screen... yes, Ive thought of that so many times with my online relationships. The mind is a powerful thing. It doesn't care much about your senses when it comes to relationships. Your mind doesn't care if you can see or smell or touch... it compensates it's own way. I'm sure the heart is it's tool, but who knows how they work together? They convert words on a screen into experience and reality. The mind is so powerful.

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            Motown2Chitownposted 10 years agoin reply to this

            And that's the truth.  I met my husband online.  Six days after our initial contact, we met in person.  Haven't been apart since and are halfway through our sixth year of marriage. 
            
            I have always said that the brain is where it's at...lol
            
            Once you've engaged my mind, the rest follows easily. 

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               Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

               Bizarre, I've said that 1,000 times at least. Though why I'd need to run around saying that, I don't know.

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                  Motown2Chitownposted 10 years agoin reply to this

                  Absolutely agree...which is part of the reason that online relationships can become meaningful so often.  You have nothing to distract you from the person's thoughts, feelings, etc.  It's a means of being able to really communicate with someone on a deeper level than real life encounters don't always allow. 

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   David Carlposted 10 years ago

   I joined Hugpages because I saw a writer ad on Monster'.com. Dropping into this world was like landing on an alien planet without a map. The first person that connected with me told me that I was a fake because I was being anonymous and didn't have a profile. He also said, that I couldn't possibly know what I was writing about.  I thought, this is pretty personal, they want to know who I really am. I didn't know if I was ready for that, because you are right, I hang very close to home with my family. They, my family, often, put limits on my Hub time because, it can be addicting. Yes, you....you are addicting...all of you!

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      Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Im glad you said "he" otherwise, I would have thought you were talking about me. I never trust anyone. lol
      
      Glad you're here though... tell your family we're sorry.

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   David Carlposted 10 years ago

   You know that you are just feeding my addiction, don't you?

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      Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I know how it works.

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   BigBlue54posted 10 years ago

   Firstly I would say I understand why you would not want to go out with the people you work with. Other then work how much do you have in common with them? How many are parents with children?
   
   As for coming onto Hubpages that is you meeting the world on your own terms. You get to meet people in a controlled environment.  I would say that most of the people you will interact with on here are like minded. So this is a place you feel comfortable with. Nothing wrong with that.
   
   Personally I don't mind meeting new people. I am one of those who will talk to anyone whether I know them or are complete strangers. So for me I get to meet interesting people like you who under other circumstances I would never meet. I can explore parts of the world I may not be able to get to.

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      Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I enjoy them... the 20 somethings. We laugh a lot together. None of them have kids. I listen to their stories. We have a good time, I feel close to them. I have gone out with them a few times. I just don't like going out much at all. It is usually out of a sense of obligation that I do. I have the appearance of an outgoing person so I confuse ppl quite a bit. My husband was the introvert in h.s., but we have switched places. He takes me out of my comfort zone quite a bit and I don't enjoy it.
      
      I enjoy ppl and their stories quite a lot, so I don't really understand why I want to avoid them. This is a very comfortable setting, I think. Maybe the reason we come here is we know what to expect?

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         BigBlue54posted 10 years agoin reply to this

         Well maybe it's as I mentioned, here you get to meet the world on your terms. Here you can sit back, have a hot drink or a glass of whatever takes your fancy. You have control of what you do and when you do it. If you want to have a chat on the forum you can. If you have something you want to tell us you can write a hub.
         
         You also get to meet like minded people and have a chance to explore ideas while your here. Anyway, whatever it is it is as long as you have a good time.

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            Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

            Yeah, I agree.

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   ahorsebackposted 10 years ago

   Hi Beth!  I read this  and got to thinking , You sound a lot like me , in the beginning , a recluse , private , for whatever and for all reasons .  I too seem to seek contact in my later years . here  or wherever I write or in meeting face to face with people .. I think that I always yearned to  "touch " someone  literally  or emotionally .
   
   I now get that  "touch " from complimenting  people , for one thing .
   " Wow , that blouse  is really your color  you know "
   " What a beautiful smile you have "
   I know , sounds like a cheap pick up lines huh ?
   But seriously I like to compliment people and yes , especially a woman , because I am a man I guess .  I really love though- to connect !  And I'm amazed at how people open up , either a little at a time or often to a real friendship !
   Recently I met a woman , professionally speaking , and after a couple of comments on her part , I realized  that  she just plain needed to talk to a guy ,a safe one maybe ?  She's like 45 , I'm sixty .  But now it's like we are old friends , or perhaps I became her big brother somehow . , even soul mate like .
   
   Is the world just too big? , No- it is mankind that is just too big . I think that we somehow forgot to be "little " and to do  "little " , what I mean is to  perform small things out of the goodness of our hearts ,  Anyway , did't mean to go off on a rant , ........hope it helps .  Oh Beth , you look really nice today ! ......;-]   Ed

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      amiebutchkoposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Nice answer!

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      Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      And I thought I was special!

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         amiebutchkoposted 10 years agoin reply to this

         hee, hee.  You are!

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      BigBlue54posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I am in a discussion group on LinkedIn and we discussed exactly the points you raised ahorseback. When I go shopping I will always give the person behind the counter a smile and say please and thank you. Apart from being good manners I have been their side of the counter so I know what it can be like.
      
      It is amazing what effect it can have on the person you are talking to and it's nice to walk away knowing that you have brought a bit of sunshine into someones life.
      
      Beth37 yes you are special and amiebutchko any more of that and your on the naughty step.

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         Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

         Amie's not special. lol

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            amiebutchkoposted 10 years agoin reply to this

            

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            BigBlue54posted 10 years agoin reply to this

            She is. Which is why she's not allowed sharp objects

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               amiebutchkoposted 10 years agoin reply to this

               At moments like these, I really wish I were witty!  Now, I'm going to go eat some ice cream under my covers.

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                  BigBlue54posted 10 years agoin reply to this

                  Don't worry amie, we'll let you play with us still.

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                  Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

                  haha. that was witty.

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