African American Dating/What is your take on black love today?

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   realtalk247posted 10 years ago

   Black Issues – What is going on when it comes to love/marriage?
   This does not apply to the 10%-20% that “get it" and believe in healthy interactions.
   With all the issues confronting the black community why don't people seek therapy? What looks like crazy on an ordinary day.......the african american relationship.
   
   What are the issues that are out of control? Besides the obvious issues:
   1. Incarceration / Bi-sexuality
   2. Poverty
   3. Single parent households:72 percent of black mothers are unwed which eclipses that of most other groups: 17 percent of Asians, 29 percent of whites, 53 percent of Hispanics and 66 percent of Native Americans.”  Rise in casual sex leading to spreading of deadly diseases. (Do the math. If 72% of children are born out of wedlock, how many people are engaging in random-casual-unprotected sex?)
   4. Health Issues – Diabetes, weight related health issues, heart disease, etc. Most of these issues are not due to heredity but poor dieting, lack of exercise, stress, and issues related to poverty and struggle. 
   5. Negative treatment. Biased laws/criminal prosecution, lingering effects of Willy Lynch adopted within the community and self-hatred on the rise. (especially in the south, lost land)
   
                                                                                                                  Watching how we no longer relate
   Oh how one hates the person in the mirror
   So much so that anyone can clearly see
   No love for you means no love for me
   
   There is so much discord in the African American Community.  Anger, mistrust, materialistic interaction, objectification of women, no honor, and people basing relationships on looks and not substance.  People walking around acting like being a single parent should be a desired destination rather than a wife and then mother.  I guess if you accept devaluation of yourself and the majority is engaging in this “lowered expectation” behavior then the person expecting marriage before family becomes wrong, right?  The person seeking education/career development, seeking the same compatibility, getting married and creating a stable household is “old school" in thought, right?
   
   The simple things, activities designed to connect mentally:
   Very few take walks together as a couple. Not only are you energized by the environment but more importantly you are exercising while communicating with one another -not distracted by television.
   If you are in the car for a spell, what happened to couples tuning in to listen to mystery theater on the radio?
   A picnic in the park sounds wonderful and gives people time to talk and get to know each other.
   
   Out of control:
   Materialism has rocked the community.  Men you are not trap stars and dope-boys, you are the fruit of our ancestors.  Women you are not video ho's and women trying to sleep their way to a rich baby daddy, you are the fruit of our ancestors. With pay typically 15%-20% less than that of your counterparts where do these expectations of $500 jeans and $1,500 purses come into play?  Why would you want these things rather than buying property or investing your money?  Making your money work, having a budget, and saving money is ignored by the majority.  Men lack the vision and ability to manage their households and now look for mother figures to control them like little boys rather than build a partnership with respect taking the role of a leader.
   
   The children are confused. There is no discussion about love or commitment just random siblings born with men and women revolving in and out of their lives.  No affection, love, or caring displayed so they get the notion that friendship/relationship are two different roles separate of each other. Low self-esteem, increase in crime, poverty/hostile environments, gang activity, suicide, drug abuse, and continuation of bad patterns are statistically what we see on the rise as the result of “the new math.”
    
   Ladies:If you are doing EVERYTHING on your own and you have a man then what is he there for?
   Men: If you are building a future for your family and encounter a woman with nothing going on for herself, constantly asking for materials from you, controlling you, and disrespecting you.....Why would you consider a long term relationship with such a person?
   
   They other why's that plague my thoughts:
   Why are men more interested in ratchet over quality? 
   
   Why are women now asking men for money and to pay bills upon introduction?Love vs prostitution?
   
   Why do men abandon the notion of being married/family man as something they no longer desire?
   
   Why aren't men considering a woman's worth beyond body and looks?
   
   Where is the value of a woman you can trust to love you, not sleep with your friends, build with you, and accept you for who you are?
   
   Men, why are you refusing to show kindness, consideration, and do things for a quality woman that displays qualities of loyalty, trust, and practicality in interaction? It would seem logical to willingly do things for women that don't ask rather than women that treat men like atm's.  It would seem logical to be good to those men that are good to you.
   
   What is with the mentality not to do anything for HIM unless it's his birthday?  (selfishness)
   
   Why do men and women talk about relationships and marriage as if it's so horrible/terrible?
   
   Why don't you men and women in the African American community feel free to laugh, joke, hug, kiss displaying feelings towards someone you love?It is normal to only display affection in the bedroom?
   
   As a man what is quality in your mind when you think of a good woman?
   As a woman what is quality in your mind when you think of a good man?
   
   WHY WOULD I ASK OR CARE?
   No man is an island unto himself/herself.  We are all connected.  If you aren't crazy when dating then you would like to understand why so many others might be crazy?  So many questions because of the decline of relationships within the past 2-3 decades versus the legacy forward moving and thinking African Americans strived to secure for the future generations.
   
   Document: Diary of a Tired Black Man brings up many of the issues and concerns that plague the community from a man's perspective that I could understand.   
   

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