Dating your brother's ex-girlfriend - how do you feel about that?

1. 88

   Marisa Wrightposted 8 years ago

   I need help with this question for my novel-in-progress.
   
   Say your brother and his girlfriend, whom he's been seeing for about a month, broke up.  How would you feel about dating her yourself?
   
   If you feel you couldn't, at first, would you do so after a decent interval?  What would that interval be?

   replyreport
   1. 78

      wildernessposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      I'd give it a week or two just to see if the break up holds.  And if it were anyone but my brother I wouldn't wait at all - a month together doesn't count for much.

      replyreport
      1. 88

         Marisa Wrightposted 8 years agoin reply to this

         Thanks Wilderness. I'll be interested to see what other men think.
         
         I asked, because women often seem to have a different view.   To give you an example, years ago I had a best friend called Helen.  She went out with a guy for about two weeks (his name was Michael).  I should say, she was dating another guy at the same time, and decided she liked him better - so she dumped Michael. 
         
         Two weeks later, I bumped into Michael at a party.   We started going out together.   Next time I met Helen, I told her.   She was horrified!   She never spoke to me again. 
         
         I've mentioned this to other women and to my surprise, many of them agree with Helen - because she had already dated him, I should've steered clear, her "prior claim" meant he was off limits. I am still trying to get my head around it!

         replyreport
         1. 71

            dashingscorpioposted 8 years agoin reply to this

            Usually a "best friend" would ask one another if they mind.
            
            As I stated in my answer guys usually don't care about women they've only dated for two weeks especially if they were the one's to end it.
            
            Maybe your friend was offended that you didn't ask or she ended the relationship with him because he didn't seem to be all that "into her".
            She may not have been completely honest with you regarding the real reason for their breakup.
            
            She may have never wanted to have to see, hear about, or deal with him again. If you were "best friends" that would be next to impossible considering you'd see each other as "couples" at gatherings.
            
            Lastly she may have thought you had "your eye on him" and couldn't wait to rush in to take her place. This is especially true if she told you some (good things) about him.
            
            Logically it doesn't make sense for her to be that upset with you over someone she threw away after {only dating for two weeks}.
            
            That's like throwing left over food in a dumpster and getting upset when someone else retrieves it! Who drops a best friend over a 2 week fling?
            
            The one exception might be if she had an immature teenager's mentality
            
            
            

            replyreport
         2. 78

            wildernessposted 8 years agoin reply to this

            All I can say is that no one understands women - not even women!

            replyreport
   2. 71

      dashingscorpioposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      There are two things I would consider.
      1. Was he "serious" about her?
      2. Did she dump him?
      
      If either one of those is the case I would stay away.
      On the other hand if it was just a casual fling with someone who he never cared about and lost interest in I'd ask him if it was ok.
      
      Generally if a guy {drops a woman after only a month} he doesn't care who dates her afterwards. There was no "emotional investment" made.
      
      Odds are I probably wouldn't have any "serious intentions" of building a long lasting relationship with her. It would be just a fun/casual hookup.
      Similar to RFK dating Marilyn Monroe after she was involved with JFK.
      There might be an exception if she and my brother never had sex.

      replyreport
2. 56

   AMawrIposted 8 years ago

   it is so weired . this thing i can't imagine any regular person with feeling do this thing , i hope no one will be in this situation

   replyreport
   1. 80

      colorfuloneposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      I think I know how you must feel, its like my stomach is feeling repulsed by the washing machine cycle doing dirty laundry, untested by time, and without righteousness...   It stinks. 
      
      I would draw closer to my brother.

      replyreport
      1. 88

         Marisa Wrightposted 8 years agoin reply to this

         Could you explain this a bit more clearly?  So are you saying, you could never contemplate such a thing? If so, why  not?

         replyreport