how may i convince mu husband that he needs help?
he has complete two personality, out side of the home and in front of strengers he is very nice. he does every thing for them, but at home he start to be grumpy, he just admire himself, deny anything that i do good, even have the same attitude in react to kids.he completely became other person. he never take any responsiblity, house payment and ... is all on my shoulder. he needs help, he loves himself more tha you can imagine.
You can not force someone to seek help if they do not want it. In fact, if you push your husband too much he may become even more stubborn! If the problems you describe are affecting your life, or your kids lives, you need to think about other options.
You could start seeing a therapist. After a few weeks, you could invite your husband to join you for a session. Stress to him that it is important for YOU. You want him to join you to support you, not because he needs help. Things can go from there, with the therapist guiding you both.
There are other more extreme options, for example separation, but only you know if this is appropriate or not. Think about the affect his behaviour is having on yourself and your kids. If either you or your kids are getting distressed and depressed by the problems, then this may be an option for you. I really suggest you see a therapist yourself first though.
You may want to talk to a counselor yourself (not for therapy but for a professional opinion about what you're living with), because it appears to me your husband doesn't need "help". It looks to me like you're one of the many women with a husband who shows his bad side to his wife and family but not to strangers. Whether or not you're the victim of psychological/emotion abuse/exploitation is not for me to guess, but I think you may want to run your situation by a counselor and ask if it's your husband who needs the help. "Loving himself more than someone can imagine" is a sign that he's a narcissist, and abusive husbands (whether "just" verbally or emotionally abusive or physically abusive) tend to be narcissists.
Women who are victimized by husbands often justify/rationalize the bad behavior by believing the husband is stressed or depressed or needs help.
I'm not guessing about whether you're the victim of psychological/verbal/emotional abuse; but that's why I've suggested you talk to a counselor. There's at least the chance you're in so deep you can't really see what's going on. There's a really good chance your husband doesn't have two personalities. He may have one, narcissistic, rotten, personality that he hides when he thinks he should hide it and doesn't bother hiding when he thinks he doesn't have to bother hiding it.
Maybe he has some good reason for not kicking in with the house payment (maybe he's got depression or can't earn much?), but there's no excuse for treating you or the children with a rotten attitude and for not acknowledging what good you do.
So, I think you should start with a counselor who can help you identify whether you're the victim of psychological/emotional abuse; and then who may be able to help you figure out from there what you may be able to do.
Women so often are "understanding" or "give people the benefit of the doubt" or "don't expect a husband to always be perfect". It's in a lot of women's nature, and that's what gets them into bad marriage situations and keeps them there.
If you can't afford a counselor, think about looking for an agency or even an established church in your area where you could talk to someone about what you're going through.
I DON'T THINK HE LOVES HIMSELF THAT MUCH IF HE HAS TO BE FAKE AROUND OTHER AND TREAT HIS FAMILY LIKE CRAP, MABEY EVERYONE SHOULD JUST IGNORE HIM FOR AWHILE , SO HE CAN SEE HOW MUCH OF A FOOL HE LOOKS BY DOING THIS , THEN LETS SEE IF THE PEOPLE ON THE OUTSIDE WILL BE THIER FOR HIM LIKE HIS FAMILY , SINCE YOUR THE ONE WHO'S PAYING ALL THE BILLS YOU TAKE CONTROL OF THE SITUATION IT WILL BE HARD BECAUSE I KNOW YOU LOVE YOUR HUSBAND , BUT LOVE CAN GET REAL UGLY WHEN 2 PEOPLE ARE SUPPOSE TO WORK TOGETHER FOR THE FAMILY GOOD , BUT ONLY 1 HAS ALL THE RESPONSIBILTY AND THE OTHER HAS A CAREFREE ATTITUDE , IF HE WANTS YOU ALL TO START TALKING AND TREATING HIM LIKE A KING AGIAN THEN HE NEEDS TO AGREE TO SOME TYPE OF COUNELING OR CHANGE THOSE NASTY WAYS.
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