How do I accept a child that is not mine that has literally tried and is still t

1. 59

   amyvalley28posted 14 years ago

   How do I accept a child that is not mine that has literally tried and is still trying to destroy...
   
   the relationship between myself and his father?

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2. 72

   FrankiesGirl6Yrposted 14 years ago

   If the child is older 18 +, you don't have to accept him.
   If the child  is much younger and he does not accept you, I would think about how far into the future your relationship is really going to go with his father. 99% of the time, parents will side with their children, especially if they have a good relationship.
   If you are dating a man that has full custody of an 11yr old spolied brat, the relationship is going to be continues drama. And if he is dead set on having you gone, he will not stop until you are. Maybe do back to dating "secretly" so the child can not interfear.

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3. 60

   jasoncox83posted 14 years ago

   It may be difficult but bring this up to the father...What was said earlier is true most will side with their children, however not always you won't know until you sit down and just talk with him. see how his attitude is that will tell you how things are more than likely to develop later on down the road.
   Trying looking at the kid as your own, and ask to step in as his mom if you and the father are close enough, you may find a solid mother figure (who isn't a push over) goes a long ways.
   
   After the child notices that you are not going to disappear like others including their initial mother you will find (if you have earned it) the respect will come in time.
   
   Just be patient, and remember when it comes to kids that are not yours, you have to earn their respect...Get respect and you will be golden

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4. 64

   dawnMposted 14 years ago

   Someone asked to me answer this question so I will
   
   from what information is here, I will answer to the best of my knowledge...facts left out are child’s age, are you married to this man or just in a relationship?   Does this child have a drug, alcohol, or mental problem?
   
   Without all of that information I will answer it this way.  The father and the son had the relationship prior to you, meaning that their relationship came first before you, depending on the child’s age, it could have been quite a while that they  were in the relationship before you, developing their way of communicating and interacting with each other.  At some point you came into the picture and have changed the dynamic between the father and his son.
   I am not sure if you have children or not but, the love that parents have for children will almost become a part of them, they are a reflection of the dad.  If the dad caused the separation of the family and now or in the past has any guilt around it he may have spoiled his child materially tiring to make up for it, or he may have let his son get away with bad behavior because of it?
   
   The point being is that with all step parenting situations, the person getting involved has to know that they are not first, and did not come first.  The child is first and even when that kids gets older in many instance the parent will still come to their sides first.  So the real question is how you are going to cope with it and do you want to stay in the relationship, expecting him to change meaning the father is very unlikely and I am sure that he knows how you already feel.

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