Can you give me advice!

1. 53

   Amanda2posted 14 years ago

   Can you give me advice!
   
   I have had an affair about 3 yrs ago he got hurt at work and well things changed i have regreted it every since i have forgave myself but it just feels like it always comes up. But my husband and i have a 5 yr old and a lil baby the age of 18months and i have been staying here for yrs because I dont want to break up our family and have the kids in a spot where they have to be without one of us. I just dont know how to get along with him anymore. Nothing i do is right and he says that he feels the same. I just dont know what else to do plz give me some advice....

   replyreport
2. 52

   BeckyAposted 14 years ago

   You say it keeps coming up - who brings it up, you or him?  I get the feeling that you would have split up except for the kids.  Kids know when there is a lot of tension in the house.  They pick up more than you think they do.  Consider finding a way to share custody and force yourselves to be civil when the children are present (even if you think they are asleep). 
   
   If you really want to stay, try making a list of the things that attracted you to him in the first place.  Maybe some things you both enjoyed got lost in the day to day stuff.  Maybe you can start over as if there was no past. 
   
   I have no magic wand, but prayer helps.  Praying together helps more.  Good luck and may God bless all of you!

   replyreport
3. 82

   nell79posted 14 years ago

   Marriage is certainly hard, and it's amazing to me how many people enter into it thinking otherwise (myself inlcuded). Affairs are all too common these days, often starting in one's thoughts before being brought to fruition.
   
   Having a successful marriage also starts in the mind. What you tell yourself about your spouse and your relationship affects the way you think about, act toward and feel about him. If you're thinking negative things, then your interactions, thoughts and feelings will tend to be negative also.
   
   It can be hard to change this, and it takes time, but it can be done. I would suggest counseling. If, for whatever reason, you can't do that, then often a church minister, pastor, bishop, etc. can help get you on the right track.
   
   It all starts with you and the effort you're willing to put into saving your marriage. You can't change your spouse, but you can change the way you react to him and what you tell yourself about him.
   
   This is a hard, complicated subject, so I can't really give you step-by-step advice here. But I hope I've given you a direction. Good luck to you!

   replyreport
4. 61

   Sesshoumaru2stposted 14 years ago

   You're not good enough for this dude working his ass off and your taking it easy banging on the side lines. You're the one at fault here.He got hurt plus his wife( woman he suppose to trust) Is banging dudes behind his back.Now your seeking a away out and talking about the kids.Well,i don't buy it. You want out now,so take it. Divorce the dude and stop messing with his life.See,if you weren't thinking,or looking for the encouragement to leave,you would have already made up your mind that your staying in the relationship.But you're here which means you want out(breaking yet another promise you said you would keep.).You're no kid,so i tell you like it is.Get a divorce and stop stressing out your husband and yourself. Now if you want professional advice,seek a pastor,or a profession relationship counselor.PEACE!!!

   replyreport