Do people with relationship problems not listen, or do they listen, but just not care? Thoughts...
Hmmm... in my experience with friends (hah! Mainly one friend in particular) it seems as though people are willing to accept that the advice they're hearing is most certainly *right, and is what they *should do.. but it depends on the situation.
For instance, in an abusive relationship there are many reasons someone might not take your advice. Many, many reasons.
In the case of someone who's love life is zilch because they're clueless, and won't take the advice they agree is good advice...sometimes they're not ready to leave their comfort zone. Some people aren't ready to break out and make a change for the sake of the happiness they really do want.
They all listen. But for one reason or another they either refuse to make the change, or feel they cannot make the change because of some force stopping them.
(I'm a rambler)
L a d y f a c e, I did not mean advice per say, but you gave a good answer. I meant listening to their spouse/partner. I often here that people in longer relationships stop hearing what the other person has to say. I wonder if they hear and comprehend it, but just blatantly disregard it?
Communication is nothing more than expressing an idea and having the other person acknowledge they understood it.
Most people tend to assume if they don't get what they want there has been a "communication problem".
Communication is NOT an "Ask and It Shall Be Given" thing. There is no "action" required to understand what has been said. There is no right or wrong, simply agree or disagree.
There are basically 2 reasons why someone won't give you what you asked for.
1. They don't have it to give.
2. They don't think you're worth the effort to give it to.
Only you can decide if NOT getting what you want is a "deal breaker". Life is better when you're involved with someone who agrees with you on the major things in life. If what you want is not a deal breaker learn to do without. After all loving someone is also about accepting them as they are. If we can't do that we need to do them as well as us a favor by moving on.
With regard to simply tuning one another out I think once someone has a handle on another person's voice inflections they tend sort of (skim)listen when their mate is talking especially if they are busy with their own thoughts. They'd like to believe they would give you their full attention if it were truly important.
I think sometimes in relationships, we begin to become complacent and don't hear what our partners are saying - but what we 'think' they are saying. And that's often two different things.
Often one partner will continue to speak in a way which encourages the other to switch off....for example: nagging over and over again about the same thing - which never works.
Instead of expressing what they are feeling, making a simple request and then leaving it - not going and doing the thing they were requesting the partner to do.
Also asking the others opinion about their request. " I feel vulnerable going outside to take the rubbish out at night. I would really appreciate it if you could do that for me - what do you think?"
Then accepting their answer. If they say they will do it - leave it - and the rubbish until they do!!
Also choose your battles, and your times to discuss things. I don't think it's about not caring - just habit of 'switching off' to the others voice. Often done too when you haven't had enough space from each other - it's easy to tune people out when you feel overwhelmed, tired and grumpy.
I think it's all about finding new and creative ways to communicate. Keeping things fresh and showing you are not taking each other for granted.
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